Warrior Cats Online - Reviewing Your OCs

This OC is for @DragonClaw.! I didn't realize how confusing the form that I made was until somebody tried filling it out, lol. Whoops! I edited the form to make it easier to use, and although this form is semi-incomplete, I'm not going to boss anybody around and I'll do what I have so far. This seems like a very interesting OC!

Full Naming History: DarkKit, CharredKit, CharredPaw, CharredCry.

Cool names! I'm curious as to why his name was changed from Darkkit to Charredkit, but I do find that very cool. This name is rather unique and I love it! It fits into the Warriors world as well.

Name Reasoning: His Fur is The darkest of his Father.

Hmm. This is a bit confusing, but I'm assuming that you just mean that his fur is dark. Although I don't know what the reasoning for the suffix -cry, I do like the reasoning that you have for his prefix. Maybe his suffix could have something to do with his PTSD.

Gender: SheCat to TomCat.

So, she went to a he? That's rather interesting! Looking into the backstory, though, I don't see too much reasoning for this change, nor is it really mentioned again except for here. Since this is Warriors, I'd recommend thinking of some reasons as to why your character would want to change their gender. Did she just not feel like a she anymore and want to be a tom? Maybe he felt oppressed as being a she-cat and saw toms as being strong. I'm curious as to what his parents, kin, and Clan would think of it as well. Interesting.

Affiliation History:RiverClan then Starclan Resident.

Nice! It's cool to know that he gets to have peace when he dies.

Rank History: RiverClan|Kit, RiverClan|Appertince, RiverClan|Warrior, RiverClan|Senior warrior, Starclan Resident.

Okay. So, regular rank history. It's nice how he gets to be a senior warrior before he dies so that he basically doesn't die young or too old. This is entirely realistic for the Warriors world.

Age: 0-6 Moons:Kit, 6-14 Appertince, 14-50 Moons Warrior, 50-80 Senior warrior, 80 Moons at death.

Okay! Nice ages. I'm interested to know why he became a warrior two moons late, but things happen. 50 moons is less than five years, I'll just let you know. If you'd like to, then I'd recommend making him a bit older if he would be considered a senior warrior, but that's up to you. 80 moons is a realistic time of death for a warrior cat.

Appearance: Dark grey tom with scars covering his pelt, he also has both ears nicked and black stripes and amber eyes

Nice design! I do see that you went more in-depth down below with using the form, so this little part wasn't necessary, but I like this! It reminds me of Darkstripe in some cases. The nicked ears and the scars make him look cool, and it's realistic for a Clan cat who has most likely fought plenty of battles. The amber eyes must look good against his pelt.

Body Type: Lean and slim.

Nice! This is unusual for a RiverClan cat - normally they are plump yet strong. However, that doesn't mean that Charredcry has to fit the stereotypes! I find this body type very interesting for a RiverClan cat. Maybe it's inherited from one of his parents or he just doesn't eat as much as his Clanmates. That could make for a whole platter of reasons and character development.

Fur Type: Sleek fur with a fluffy tail.

Cool design! The sleek RiverClan fur with a fluffy tail that would make him stand out a bit. Nice!

Fur Coloring: Black paws and seven black stripes on his back, one on each of his limbs.

Wow, very detailed! The limb stripes are super cool.

Eye Detail: N/A

Eye Coloring: Amber eyes like mini fires.

Ah, yes. I love the descriptiveness!

Scars/Deformities: Scars from cat claws all over his pelt, both his ears are nicked.

Other: N/A

Personality: Not Brave at all, Loyal to Riverclan, his PTSD takes over it sometimes,He is getting over it. He stays close to his family but he has trust issues.

It's really interesting to see an OC who isn't brave at all, but still tries to stay loyal to his Clan! That allows for a lot of character development. It's nice how he's getting over his PTSD, but him staying close to his family is a bit out of place. After all, his mother and brother absolutely hate him. Maybe he is trying to reconcile with them. I'd also recommend looking up and researching a bit on PTSD if you haven't already. It can be a seriously overwhelming affect to some people - or cats - and I think that this disorder would liven up Charredcry as a character quite a bit.

Backstory: Born last to his dead mother, Darkkit was fovorite by his fatherand uncle causing RiverKit to attack him at 5 moons with SorrelKit, resulting him having PTSD from it, He cant look at himself since he's coverd in scars.

Ah, poor Charredkit - or Darkkit, whatever his name was at the time. An attack from his own littermate and another kit would probably make him feel unsafe. I'm curious why he was favored. Did he possibly have a nice personality at first or just look good, so his sibling got jealous? It reminds me of Brightheart when he doesn't want to look at himself, and it's totally realistic how he would get PTSD from that. I'd recommend on expanding on the "why" section of things, like why he was favored and why Sorrelkit decided to help Riverkit. I'm curious about his future in the Clan as well from what happened to him at an early life.

Likes/Dislikes: Talking and playing, Dislikes: Not talking, fighting.

It's realistic how he would dislike fighting! That would be a pretty major disadvantage because he probably couldn't help but think about what was happening on the enemy side and how they would get affected by their wounds. If he's supposed to be quiet, then I'm curious as to why he dislikes not talking. Maybe talking would take his mind off of the traumatic events that he suffered. Same with playing.

Strengths/Weaknesses: Talking and playing, He loves cats and messing around. But his weakness is exploring and fighting. Reason why is because he was attacked he couldnt fight back during it.

Very realistic! If he likes to talk and play a lot, then he would be good at it. However, if fighting makes him worried, then that could affect his playing skills. A lot of playing includes play-fighting. Also, his paranoia of being attacked might affect how he acts around other cats, but he probably likes them for talking and playing. It's nice how he wouldn't like stepping out of his comfort zone to go exploring and how he might be bad at fighting. That would be a great explanation for why his warrior ceremony was delayed.

Family:

Mother: LeafStorm

This is a cute name!

Naming History: LeafKit,LeafPaw,LeafStorm.

Reason for Names: Her Fighting Style.

I'm assuming that the -storm part was meant for her fighting and that Leaf- was just because of her pelt color. That's cool!

Appearance: Grey with Brown chin underbelly and paw. Botail.

This is a rather unique design! Again, all of this would be in the form below, but I do like this. The bobtail is cute as well, and this would fit some of what Charredcry looks like.

Body Type:N/A

So, I'm assuming that she's just normal?

Fur Type: Fluffy

Cute! That explains his fluffy tail.

Fur Coloring: Grey Shecat with a brown chin one paw and underbelly.

Eye Detail: N/A

Eye Coloring: Amber

Nice! That matches her son's and looks good with her fur color.

Scars/Deformities:N/A

Other: N/A.

Personality: Loyal Shecat, Brave and gave her life for her family. She ran away from the clans so she was kicked out of them.

That's very interesting. Loyal and brave are both good qualities to have. I am a bit curious as to why and how she gave up her life for her family yet was kicked out of the Clans. I can imagine a whole thing of ideas for this plot.

Relationship With Your Character: Unfriendly,Hates her

I'm assuming that this is how Charredcry views her, and I wonder why. Maybe he doesn't like the fact that she basically left her Clan. I'm curious if she dislikes him, too, but I wonder about her giving her life for her family. That's interesting.

Father: RiverWhisker

This is a cute name! I will point out that having the prefix River- for a cat of RiverClan is a bit odd because River- would basically be a sacred name, especially for a prefix. However, I think that it fits him. You can keep it if you want, but if you want to change it, then maybe look for other water-based alternatives.

Naming History: RiverKit RiverPaw RiverWhisker.

Reason for Names: River prefix is passed down to his kins second son. Whisker is for the half thats missing.

Ah, that explains the name reasoning. I'm assuming that he's descended from Riverstar, then. I like the idea of passing down the prefix, but what if a one-litter kit is born or somebody doesn't have kits? That's interesting to think about, but I like this.

Appearance:Blue grey tom with his left whisksers missing.

I like this. It fits him well. Convinent how he looks like a river. However, I'd recommend adding on something that would represent Charredcry's tabby stripes because now it would look like he got them out of nowhere. Maybe you could make him a tabby or add some black onto him, but that is for you to decide.

Body Type: Muscular

Fur Type:Sleek

Nice! These are all good for a RiverClan cat.

Fur Coloring: Grey Blue.

Eye Detail: Normal.

Eye Coloring: Grey

The gray eyes are cool. I don't see them very often, and it looks rather good on his pelt.

Scars/Deformities: His left whiskers clawed off.

Interesting; I like this.

Other: N/A

Personality: Brave Tom, how loves his kits.He really doesnt talk much but he loves to train appertinces.

Nice relationship! I could imagine him as that one brave yet quiet guy. It's good how he loves his kits; maybe this comes from natural dedication or maybe he has to raise them in place of Leafstorm if she died when they were young. Or this may come from his love of training apprentices. This is good.

Relationship With Your Character: Loves him.

Great!

Siblings: *Dead Siblings* JayKit and StormKit, *Alive* RainPuddle & DarkKit

So, two dead siblings. I feel bad for them. Did you accidentally re-type Darkkit? And you didn't give me any information about them, but that's fine. You don't mention Rainpuddle again, but I love these names and it's interesting to think of these cats as his siblings.

Naming History:RiverKit Blue*Kittypet*

Oh, so he became a kittypet? Good riddance.

Reason for Names:River is passed down to his familys second born son.

Gender:Tom

Same Litter or Not?:No

Oh, so he's from a different litter than Charredcry?

Body Type: Lean

Fur Type: Sleek

The lean body type is interesting, especially for RiverClan cats and the fact that it was passed down. And especially for a kittypet. I'd recommend maybe making Leafstorm have a lither body type so that it fits her kits.

Fur Coloring: Blue Grey.

Ah, so I can see that he looks like his father.

Eye Detail: Normal

Eye Coloring: Grey

Scars/Deformities: N/A

Other: N/A

Personality: Not Loyal or Brave but will attack any cat, he hates anything.

Ah. So, basically the evil brother. This is really interesting, although he would probably have a personality outside of hating everyone and everything. Maybe his jealously just grew on him, or his ego for holding the name of River-, after his Clan and his father. You can think about this, but it is interesting.

Relationship With Your Character: Hates him and wants him dead

I'm assuming from jealousy.

So, I apologize for this taking so long! I had a bunch of stuff to do, and some problems with the form. However, I really did like Charredcry. He was an interesting character who could just use with some improvements in certain aspects listed above. The form was semi-incomplete, but it was complex and I'm not going to yell at people for messing up something in the form. Please send the KK over when you are ready!