[Dirtfur]

Originally Posted by Ritsuka

"I know. I've seen more cats ruin their lives in those ways than I care to count," Eelkit huffed, kicking at a random pebble that happened to be in front of him. He could think of many cats that it applied to: Aspenstrike, Dogbark, Skystar... There were so many poor cats who ruined their own lives, simply because they didn't do something to help change their situation, or did something to make it worse. Honestly, he felt bad for most of them, though he figured some deserved it, but that was his personal opinion, and no one cared about his opinion, anyway. However...

"Letting things get the best of you is fine," Eelkit said, a small frown on his face. "If some things didn't get to you, then something's wrong: would you not let the death of your loved ones hurt you? In my opinion, it's fine to let things hit you in your heart. What's not fine is allowing that to hold you back. It's not gonna help you, or those around you. Grieving, crying, anger... Getting upset over something that hurts is okay, but letting it control you and your choices is not. You've got many choices to make in life: don't spend most of it making the wrong ones."

The warrior hummed agreement. Though he only got glimpses, he could tell that Skystar was one of the cats who ruined their lives. Fear bounced in his gut as his mind focused on Sunpaw, his second and last “son”. Even just glimpses in the real world did not give Dirtfur enough evidence to guess that Sunpaw was ruining his life, and that worried Dirtfur. If only he had the power to change the apprentice’s destiny -in fact he wished that he had the power to change his own. But StarClan and many other unknown forces were not in his favor. He does not have such powers, only to be in dreams…and he guessed, no!, he knew that Sunpaw won’t be cheerful to have an old cat who left the ‘paw and his brother in his dream.

Dirtfur wasn’t sure if it was good that Eelkit continued, breaking the former spirit’s thoughts. Should he be grateful or devastated to not get a chance to finish his thoughts? But the sad Dirtfur vaguely answered the question already: he would never finish the thoughts.

He nodded and listened for like the hundredth time, in this conversation -quickly, Dirtfur muttered to himself that he did it millions of times in every conversation he had since he got into StarClan. If Eelkit’s intention was to get Dirtfur to recognize his problems when he was alive, then the wise kit succeeded. To his ears, it was almost like Eelkit was talking about the once-dirt cat himself and how he should’ve behaved in the lively world. Nonetheless, he nodded because he rather respect and hear the wise cat’s side than being ignorant of his failures.

As Eelkit finished, Dirtfur did not spat out any more words. He had no other things to say nor topics to add on, and wondered if this would conclude the end of their meeting. In all honesty, this was the first time he had a long conversation with somecat and losing such momentum had only washed the despair and the feeling of being lost in short chats with friends onto his clean brown fur. The only thing he could do was look back on the memories. Then he realized something as he went over the memories again. He swore that he saw a pattern or something similar to that.

The beginning seemed normal, where Dirtfur stumbled into his quiet place and saw the older spirit of Eelkit that was thinking in his special place -Dirtfur assumed, since his first guess was wrong as he figured that the kit was Eelkit, who should be able to know StarClan even when he has been here for a hundred moons. Then, the pattern began as Dirtfur was asked if he wanted to talk about his thoughts. He remembered the time he asked Eelkit the same question, which was ignored, and reminded himself on how the young-like -yet older and wiser- kit gave some advice, offers, and wisdom that comforted Dirtfur. Would a spirit like Eelkit have the ability to comfort others in the past hundred moons or so, or was this the first cat he had ever comforted?

Either way, there was still one thing that Dirtfur never got the answer of: What was upsetting the wise Eelkit in the first place? He could ask him again, but the last time did not work. Maybe a guess would help the Eelkit to reveal the answer? Thinking back on it then, the comforting, the hundred moons, and how he puts Dirtfur’s thoughts and worries first. This may be all in Dirtfur’s head, but he knew that something was troubling Eelkit, and he wanted to pay back the kit for the comfort he had given to the former deputy.

With a deep breath, the warrior finally spoke, “Indeed, we should not let things hold us back from many choices and many tasks, like how I did nothing but get sick as a deputy, or like… how you should not let yourself get upset over having to talk to a cat outside of StarClan.”