[Wintersun]

Originally Posted by Darkclaws

Darkpaw
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[58/100]

Darkpaw solemnly walked alongside Larkpaw and Willowspark. He had insisted on carrying and dragging the body to the grove himself after getting permission from Dawnstar to attend the burial of his sister. The whole way there he hadn’t said a word. Not about Willowspark joining them, not about Larkpaw casting continuous suspicious glances, and even not when he had laid Fallenpaw’s body down to prepare the hole in which she’d be buried. Remaining silent, he took up a position opposite of Larkpaw and began to help dig the hole. Every once in a while he’d glance over at Willowspark who groomed the deceased cat’s fur down. He was slightly annoyed because he had done this earlier, but as she had been partially dragged on the way there, his aching neck evidence of that, he allowed her to continue without interruption and turned his attention back to the task at paw.

Once the hole had finally been dug he glanced briefly at Larkpaw before looking away and making his way over to his sister’s body. Apparently, while he and Larkpaw had been digging, their other companion had laid a rose. He gave the warrior a small appreciative nod before taking up a spot next to his sister as well.

Darkpaw hurt. A lot. Physically, he felt as if something were squeezing his heart and it had sunken into his stomach, whilst mentally he was in shambles. Closing his eyes, he touched his nose to the deceased cat’s forehead and quitely whispered a small prayer for her, finally breaking his silence. ”StarClan please watch over her and guide her paws where I can’t and continue to watch over me and keep me on the right path.” He pulled away and looked once more at Fallenpaw’s frail body.

If only he could have done more! If only he had asked her to go hunting sooner! If only he didn’t allow her to be so stubborn and refuse help! If only he had made more time for her! If only…

Stupid…

He shouldn’t blame himself, but he did. He blamed himself for not making an effort to make more time for her while she was struggling alone, he blamed himself for not making sure she took care of herself, he blamed himself for her getting sick, for her starving, and for her eventually dying. Darkpaw was a selfish liar. He had promised her she’d get better in the last conversation they had and she didn’t. She died. He had said that out of his own selfish desires and wishful thinking and it got neither of them anywhere. He couldn’t take this guilt. He couldn’t handle this pain he was feeling. And it eventually pushed so much that he couldn’t hold it in anymore…

”Fallenpaw…”

His voice was barely above a whisper when he said it. ”Fallenpaw,” he said once more, his voice raising a little bit. ”Fallenpaw!” the warrior-sized apprentice cried out in a strangled sob. The walls he had built up, the walls he tried so desperately to hold together in the face of Dawnstar were finally crashing down. She was gone. His sister was gone. And she was never coming back.

”I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Darkpaw cried out ”I lied Fallenpaw. I lied and said everything would be okay. That you would be okay,” The tom was in tears now, unable to contain them anymore. He no longer cared what Willowspark thought, he no longer cared what Larkpaw thought, in his own little world it was just him and the body of his beloved littermate. "I'm stupid and a liar and the worst big brother ever," he sobbed, his grief taking over "A terrible big brother that lies to his little sister and can't even make sure she's okay." he continued. He shouldn't berate himself like this, and deep down he knew that, but he felt like this whole ordeal was his fault. ”I’m sorry,” he repeated ”Fallenpaw please-” he sniffled ”-please forgive me for not being able to help you...” He sat there in his anguish, unwilling to move from the spot and actually lay the she-cat in the hole so they could cover her with the upturned earth. ”I’m so sorry…” he choked out one last time.

[ @Kat @Wintersun ]

Willowspark

The she-cat turned a quiet gaze to Darkpaw and rested a silky tail on his shoulders in what she hoped was a comforting manner. She couldn't find the words she felt right. She was only a friend, she shared only a fraction of the pain and guilt her sibling would have. Turning around, she looked at Larkpaw and quietly asked,"Do you need any help with that?" She took her tail off of Darkpaw's shoulder, yet made no move to go over to Larkpaw. She would only go over if Larkpaw agreed to letting her help.

@Kat