[Fawn]

Frozenberry -

 

nothing is forgotten nothing is forgotten nothing is forgotten nothing is forgotten

He choked.

This wasn't closure, this was rejection. And it was unbearable. Frozenberry preferred the times when he'd slice his throat and call him some pretty name, far far far more than..... right now. Calling it a conversation implied there was a level of communication happening, and there wasn't -- they were just sharing the same space with words floating between them.

Of everything he'd expected. This had to be the most devastating outcome. Why? Why did he have to prefer Falcon's abuse over this? WHY DID HE ACTUALLY WANT IT, if this was the alternative. That was so messed up. His throat tightened again, chest compressing. The brink of panic waited. It was pathetic, and he didn't forgive himself for being about to start crying over this stupidity - over his own dumb idea to do this - over Falcon not caring - over everything.

why couldn't He have just killed him for stars' sake?? no, instead he'd let him go (the word was Escape, if he hadn't regretted his choice) to wreck his own relationships, live with his own torment, destroyed mental health, and have to keep re-experiencing the same trauma for moons. Frozenberry didn't know why it would be called stages of grief when he remained stuck in a swirling pool of the first four; he hadn't moved on from even one 'stage'.

Shaken from his thoughts by Falcon's remark, he blinked back to the present. Protective layers he'd built up were dissolved in an instant, and he felt the momentary surge of ohgodivemessedupandits my fault, this is a punishment i deserve because im terrible, not even worthy smack him full-force. He wanted to yell back. Really. Unleash his anger, the accusations, the guilt. Why, why, why, why couldn't he have tried harder to save himself, save both of them. That was what he should've done. It was where he went wrong.

Humiliation scorched him. Once again, a failure. If only Falcon just let him fix this, be a perfect partner and show him that violence wasn't needed (and if it was, he'd been asking for and wanted it). This wasn't the Falcon he remembered, though. And Falcon didn't make any indication of remembering him, so those ages of dwelling on scenarios outlining how he'd make it right, how he'd hurt Falcon, how he'd marry Falcon, how he'd elicit an apology, how he'd avoid him forever, were entirely wasted.

No wonder he wanted to be left alone. At the very least, He'd moved on (as unbelievably loathsome as it was) or outright had forgotten with it being so long ago. Frozenberry .. hadn't meant as much to him, a hard truth to accept. "I'll leave you alone." It was mumbled, defeated, as he began fleeing the scene. there was nothing left to say if their shared history was lost on him.

[ @BEAR. ]

Content + Interaction Warning
This character frequently explores themes of mental health, extreme violence, abuse, trauma, and self-harm.