"i'd fall to pieces on the floor
if you weren't around
too young to know it gets better
i'll be a summer sun for you forever
forever winter if you go"
Birdpaw
tw: death, extreme emotional distress
The molly had been in this Clan for almost 19 moons. (give or a take a few). She been tortured to death, she had lost her grandfather, her best friend, countless mentors, many foster parents, her father, she had almost drowned, had been attacked at gatherings, threatened by insane clanmates, and hurt over and over and over again. She had seen so much death, so much loss, so much pain, and had experienced what she had once considered the worst pain anyone could bear.
But nothing compared to this pain. Nothing came close. The helplessness, the horror, the way she still begged for it to be a nightmare. She would sell her soul to the devil for this to be a nightmare, for this to be fake and something she could wake up from. Recover from. A high pitched, croaky whimper was her brief reaction to Gingerfrost leaving, wanting to reach out to stop him.
Don't leave me. Please don't leave me. Those same thoughts turned into her mantra, the words beating in time with her pounding heart, eyes feeling unbearably full of tears, she could feel the motions of her heart shattering mar her face, twist her expression to the point that she needed to look away so badly, but she couldn't. She couldn't move her eyes from Kes's, locked on like a vise, unable to look away.
Her breathing grew faster, and she shook her head, biting her lip to keep her face from crumpling.
"D-don't be sorry." She was silent through it all, watching as Kes finished her goodbyes (oh god, her goodbyes. the last goodbye. she would never hear a hello from kes again. no. no.) Desperation turned to utter despair as she listened to the troubled breaths.
"G-good night, Kestrelskies." She whispered out, voice cracking with heartbreak.
"Sleep well, Kes." She whispered, the unreal situation becoming more and more horrifying as her brain caught up and realized that this wasn't a dream. She was never going to wake up from this reality. Her eyes were frozen on Kestrelskies's gaze, searching for the light in them that was becoming harder to find. it was like fumbling in a dark room, reaching for the nightlight as the battery died. As the light dimmed.
The labored breaths came, and Birdpaw listened to them, not believing that the inevitable would come. The paw she held so gently, yet so desperately, went limp, and Birdpaw kept waiting for the next breath. She waited. And waited. And waited.
Leaning closer, she listened for the next breath because this wasn't real Kes had to breathe because Kes dying wasn't possible it just wasn't possible. She searched for that next breath, letting out pained whispers, pleading for Kes to breathe. The paw she held was limp, and she clung to it, the realization hitting her that Kes, the cat she loved, her best friend, was dead. Not missing, not hurt. Dead, and never coming back. Birdpaw's body that had been so tense this entire time went slack, and it was like every bone in her body shattered, and she crumbled to the ground, her legs giving out, unable to move anything, burying her nose in Kestrelskies's chest fur, a high pitched, broken wail like she was in the most immense physical agony breaking out of Birdpaw's mouth, the wail turning into a howl.
The bravery she had forced herself to have, the mask of calm she had tried to keep for Kestrel's sake was all gone. Ripped away.
No being warriors with Kes. No becoming mates. No kits with Kes. No growing old. No going on walks. No more flower picking. No more talks in the clearing. No more getting up in the morning excited to see her beautiful best friend. None of it. It had all been ripped away. Her bawls turned to screamed pleas as she lay there, a broken cat.
"Kes no, Kes no. Please come back, please don't leave me. Kes, please wake up, it can't end like this." But it had ended. It had ended in the most soul shattering way, torn away in her youth, without a chance of a future.
The sobs came, and she could barely breathe. Her mind was vacant of any logical thoughts, and she held on tight to Kestrelskies's paw, screaming and sobbing like the world was over. It felt like all her bones had turned to mush, and she was unable to move or say anything except sob, tears pouring down her face like an endless river of heartbreak, shaking her head in disbelief but also shaking her head because deep down, she knew Kes was gone. Forever.
The back of her mind said that she wanted, she needed her mom (she forgot all names and the fact that pebblesplash wasn't really her mom, she just knew she needed her mom and her mom was somewhere close) but everything else just howled that she needed Kes.
[ @
sol. @
Estelle - sorry if i missed anyone, only mentioned those that birdpaw are interacting with! @
Sakura. - pebble mention]