[Dolomedes]

 

Originally Posted by Epiales

Frostmelt
|he/him|purrks: N/A|moons: 17| riverclan warrior|
"dulce bellum inexpertis" ~ War is sweet to those who have never fought.
"Factus sum sicut homo sine adjutorio, inter mortuuos liber." ~ I have become like a person without help, living among the dead.


Frost tried to calm himself down. It wasn't the other Tom making him anxious more than it was himself. His paws scuffed across the dirt and grass beneath his paws, scrapping them up a bit, jagged rocks digging into his fur as he moved along. He could tell Sea was enjoying that walk, slightly, as the tom looked over the grass and the dirt, taking in the details of the morning. The dew, the frost... Frost, that was a silly word. It didn't look like him but he enjoyed the word, frost. Felt nice when he said it, that was silly too, wasn't it? He enjoyed the sound of his name, happy the leader had given it to him... but... Frostmelt sounded like a name for someone an explosion waiting to happen. Which, Frost didn't want to say he wasn't... but sometimes it felt like it. And he could feel himself melting away slowly as it was. What other names could he have gotten?.. Frostclaw... Frostdew... Frost... why was he thinking about that? He should, love his name. It was his anyway. Frost looked up when Sea began to talk about going swimming. There was the anxiety there that Frost couldn't tell was literal or if Sea could've been joking. He doubted Sea was joking, or maybe a part of him wished he wasn't. Sea is telling the truth, he would tell himself as he watched the tom frantically search for words to take the place of ones that seemed to have stuttered or sounded wrong. Frost wanted to take that anxiety for himself, though he had a lot already it seems that Sea might need a little more help.

If Frost could, he would blush, slightly. Though the other Tom couldn't see it. It wasn't romantic, he knew, the feeling was just... Happiness? Yes, and he was surprised Sea wanted his company. Frost felt like he had put the tom off for moons. Like he ignored him, but he doesn't remember ignoring Sea, but he doesn't remember talking to the other tom. Whenever he got out of his... anxiety attack if it was even that, he could see the look on Sea's face. Which he desperately tried to forget. He had not only had a full-blown attack, almost losing it fully, but then he lied. The fakest, easiest lie to see through. Would he tell Sea? 'oh, I have panic attacks so bad I am just stuck in this black box with no way out... you know, it's so bad that I've even forgotten why I have them or how they started,' yes because Sea will think you are very sane after that, he thought to himself sarcastically. But what if these attacks keep happening...? Sea will catch on eventually, and then it will go down in flames. "Well... I.. uhh... sorry about running off," he said quickly, "bird." he said, motioning towards where he buried it.

When Frost watched Sea hunt, Sea seemed to be calm and steady. He perfectly leaned back and got the timing right. Must be from hunting so much, Frost would think. Maybe he should too. Getting better, helping his clan more... But still clumsy, you can't teach or train that away. Frost tried and tried. Though he doesn't remember much of the training, or who it was with if it was with anyone. But enough of his thoughts, he might as well focus on Sea while the other Tom is here. Maybe get used to having him around, since Frost wanted to keep him around... maybe... the idea made him happy though. He could tell that Sea was in thought when Frost had asked him about the patrols. He could see some hurt in the other warrior's eyes. Pain. It made Frost's heart pound, it made his head spin. And it made him sad. To think Sea had gone through pain. Should Frost ask him what pain?... Should Frost already know what pain? That though made his head hurt. He couldn't think straight when he thought of loss. It made him sick and he didn't know why. He could smell blood at the word 'loss' and taste it even. The rusty taste, mixed with dirt and hunger, hunger not his but others. And maybe that's what made him sick.

"Yes, I remember her," Frost said, almost confused a bit. Had something happened to Sea's sister? His brow furrowed as he continued to listen, keeping his gaze away from Sea. He didn't want to make Sea uncomfortable, but he wanted to let Sea know he was listening, keeping his ears flicked up, slightly towards Sea as if to hear better. He felt a deep pain in his chest like he knew someone bad had happened to her, but what? The pain was distant though, as if whatever it happened a while ago... As Sea kept talking, it was obvious something bad had happened to her. But the other Tom talked like Frost knew what it was. Should he even ask? He decided he wasn't but tried to feel sympathy for the other warrior. For whatever had happened to her. "I think that's still selfless," Frost murmured without thinking, "you are doing it for another person, not yourself. Not to gain status, or be the best. But I think you should live for yourself... just a bit," he said, maybe the words were for himself just as well as the other next to him. He couldn't even understand the pain Sea was going through, for whatever happened to his sister. Because he didn't understand death, or know it. He was never faced with another dying. And truth be told, Frost didn't have a family as it was.

He continued to walk next to the other warrior awkwardly before a bird landed near a tree. Another crow, Frost sighed and went for it, crouching low when he got near it... And he was at the edge of the small slope when he launched himself at the bird and tumbled down the slope. The bird then pecked at his paws, trying to break free from his grip before Frost scowled and bit the bird's neck. He scowled at the dead bird once again as he looked down at his now bleeding paws. He scuffed his paws in the wet grass to wash off the small wound he had gotten, making the blood run, then stop quickly. He picked up the bird once again in his maw, crows were nasty little things. He sighed as he looked up at the large slope above him he needed to now, hike up. Which, he saw Sea's face. How embarrassing. Frost shook off his pelt of leaves and little things of bark that he got as he tumbled down the small hill. Some bark and grass stuck to his pelt, annoying him as some bit into his skin and made his fur stick together. The wetness slicked down his fur, which was going to nip him later when it puffed up like a dandelion. Maybe Sea would find it funny... And then he would smile, and that would make Frost happy too. Finally, he hiked up the hill with the bird... and a few wounds, but they would heal quickly and easily. He buried the bird next to the one Sea had buried before continuing on.

[+1 crow]
[2/5 2 crows]

They continued to walk in silence. Awkward silence. And Frost doing the walk of embarrassment after falling trying to catch a crow. One that pecked him a great number of times. And... that's when Sea asked him if any cats got his eye. Well... his eyes were here... does Sea mean literally or figuratively? He can't mean literally, so... Romance? He remembers others asking and then them telling him about liking one another. Frost wasn't good at that and tended to run in situations like that, or when he was in love... well, he never was. When Frost was quiet made Sea stutter trying to fix a mistake he had never made. "No.. the question was.. interesting but fine.. I... ah... don't... know?" Frost said, his voice slowing and picking up with every pause. How awkward. For both of them. "I... ah... what about you?" he asked the question as well to keep the conversation going, maybe to take a different turn, hopefully. But wasn't it almost a quiet rule to ask the other cat the same question? Frost always figured it was since... whenever Frost asked a question it was almost always thrown right back at him for Frost to then give an awkward response back. Frost then listened to Sea's response before both went quiet... "Ah... Well... are you hoping for an apprentice? or.. have one, at all?" Frost asked, trying to slow his talking down to more of a normal pace than too quick for anyone to catch up and hear him. He hated repeating stuff as well, and faster words meant not being able to hear what he said, he was told.

Frost never wanted an apprentice, and always thought he was going to stay one, considering how bad he was at being one. He wasn't sure he was ever going to get a warrior name. Never expected it, which was silly. Everyone gets a warrior name. But everyone else ended up being a warrior at 20 moons... and him so young? That seemed like a joke. Starclan was making a joke out of him, weren't they? He sighed at the thought, looking up slightly at the clouds. His face was calm as he watched the birds flit past. They seemed so majestic, the way their bodies moved. It made Frost jealous sometimes. And sad, thinking they kill these creatures. Even though there were more of them, and they needed to eat to... He wondered what they talk about, how they care for one another if they do. To think we kill these animals like they are emotionless beings who have no life of their own... maybe that's what stopped Frost from always killing them, from not letting them go. How do they feel when they escape? what do they do...

Snapping again from his thoughts. How terrible, he should be paying attention to the other warrior, not in his head about silly things like birds. His paws again felt the dirt, but he would stay focused, not go down the rabbit hole again, to the darkness that surrounded him when his breath picked up. "And... What... did happen to you sister?" he asked quickly, his breath staying low and his voice trying not to waver as he asked the question he tried to keep down. But he was curious, why can't he be? But Sea's face slowly turned to a look of horror. Or surprise? Maybe both. Terrible Frost, why couldn't he remember? Was he there? When did that terrible thing happen? did he see the body?... His head began to spin again, his breath... no, his breath-- he was ok. Calm yourself, he told himself as he tried to focus on his breathing. The corners of his eyes darken but his focus is on Sea. He remembers... A body, the smell... Blood and damp dirt. Seabreeze... Frost couldn't tell if he was crying... Then it went away. It felt... unreal... like a dream, not a memory.

"I'm... sorry... I don't... remember?" Frost mumbled, his face falling along with his breathing, slowing as if trying to stay quiet. He was being truthful, he didn't remember. He remembered that moon... going to training with his mentor, going back then... waking up. That seemed like most of his days now, like he didn't remember dragging himself back into the den and falling asleep in his nest. He didn't know how far back he started having memory gaps. Obviously, because he has then. What irony, not remembering how.. and having memory loss? That would've made Frost laugh silently if it weren't for how serious and tense the air seemed to be, almost suffocating. So... he just waited for Seabreeze to say something.

Seabreeze
He/him | Riverclan Warrior | Moons: 16 | Purrks: Go with the Flow | The Collector | Ultimate Predator |
“Ocean waters rising above your neck
You feel the glass start to crack.”

The sound of gentle paw steps was soothing to his ears and the tom gave an equally soft sigh, as Frostmelt’s words of his weirdness with patrol filtered in his mind. Pleased that the other warrior didn’t think of any less of him. Living for himself…that is what he is trying to do but being asked to do that was weird, it was- the tom couldn’t quite put his paw on the thoughts or feelings that sloshed together in his chest like… Seabreeze wasn’t even sure what words would match, like ice in a river perhaps? It's something familiar but he doesn’t quite- Seabreeze shook out his fur and sighed in his head again, it wasn’t that important. The warrior rather just gave a small smile to Frostmelt, “T-thanks, umm, that’s very kind of you.” The warrior turned his head away as he spoke, then the fluttering of wings that Seabreeze couldn’t hear over his noisy thoughts became apparent as blue eyes landed on a crow nearby. Seabreeze remained silent and still as he watched the other warrior approach.

That was, at least, until he realized the slope that was beside Frostmelt, though just as he went to call out to the other in warning- the tom pounced and sure enough went tumbling down the slope. Seabreeze let out a panicked noise and sprinted to the edge of the slope, a sigh of relief escaping him as he realized that it wasn’t too far of a drop and that the other was already making his way back up the slope’s hillside with a crow in his mouth. That was an impressive catch, and Seabreeze gave a little smile as he carefully watched Frostmelt move up the hill looking for any injuries or the likes. Nothing was immediately apparent. Likely some scraps and bruises from the tumble as well as- Seabreeze couldn’t help the giggle that escaped him as Frostmelt’s pelt with all of the mess that was collected in his fur came into closer view. On bi-colored paws, Seabreeze walked over and gently started to take out some of the bigger twigs and cleaned out some patches of mud but some still remained. Next, he took the time to look over for injuries. Hmm, Seabreeze let the warrior walk away to bury the pesky bird and followed behind before taking a few bounds to catch up with the golden-eyes feline.

Seabreeze made a note to check over Frostmelt’s paws, perhaps it was time to head back, wouldn’t want to lose anymore of the forest inside of Frostmelt’s fur, Seabreeze teased to himself but it was fond. That was until the warrior stumbled slightly as his extremely embarrassing question was turned on him after Frostmelt’s unsure answer. “W-well, I mean…no one? I hav-ven’t had much time- for, uhhh, romance. I’ve been trying to…be a person, more in gen-general. I-” Seabreeze fell silent, trailing off to awkwardly avoid making eye contact at all with Frostmelt. Then, fortunately, Frostmelt switched the conversation elsewhere. Perhaps the other could feel his discomfort or was himself, anyways, he wasn’t going to turn away or question the abrupt change of topic. Apprentices, hmmm, it brought up the conversation that he recently had with Adderpaw at the meeting. She had said she wanted to get an apprentice when she was older and Seabreeze had agreed with her that she’d be a great teacher but didn’t agree much when he thought about getting an apprentice himself. “I don’t think I should get an apprentice right now. I am not where I want to be in my skill and I don’t want to pass that on, you know? Maybe in the future, I like teaching kits and apprentices swimming though, so I often do that. What about you?” In his mind, Seabreeze thought that Frostmelt was likely in a similar river of thought; the other warrior doesn’t seem to be too confident in his own skills as a warrior. Seabreeze would disagree with him on that though, especially with the catch with the crow right now.

Before Frostmelt could answer, Seabreeze noticed a scuffling noise over to his right and pointed to the direction so that Frostmelt knew that he heard some prey before he stalked forward swiftly on evenly balanced paws. The sound that he had heard was none other than a mouse that had unluckily thought that just a couple tail lengths away was a good idea to squeak and scavenge, though he didn’t think that most prey had the brains to do anything unless there was an immediate threat but that may be a bit mean. The tom crouched down and crawled forward, feeling slightly off with the loss of his tail but trying to not let that annoy him too much. Finally, when in proper distance, the tom dashed forward. Leaping up and landing on the mouse’s tail. The creature squirmed and managed to get from his paws but Seabreeze was up in a flash. Bounding forward and smacking a paw out at the little creature, it hit and the mouse went flying into a tree. It stumbled and only made another tail length of space away before Seabreeze properly pounced and managed to kill it before it got away again. The tom pulled his head up and looked around the area, wincing inwardly at the scuffle that was sure to have scared away more prey they could’ve caught. That was sloppy. A mouse was still a mouse though and Seabreeze padded back to where he left Frostmelt on bi-colored paws.

The tom followed after Frostmelt again with a smile that was awkward because it was around the mouse in his mouth and not because of his nerves this time. They walked a few more paces down the trail but just as Seabreeze was going to set down his mouse and ask if Frostmelt wanted to head back to camp because they caught quite a bit and they had been out for quite some time now he was hit in the face with Frostmelt’s next words. Seabreeze could feel his own face fall as the words processed in his head, alongside the mouse that he was carrying. What…happened to Cloverpaw? Should-shouldn’t Frostmelt know! He was in camp when she was- Seabreeze took a few steps away from the other tom, tears welling up rapidly in his eyes and he could feel the burn of tears start in his nose and throat and he wasn’t sure he could tell Frostmelt even if he wanted to. How could he forget something like this? Was Cloverpaw that forgettable? Surely…surely not, right? He stumbled back again, Seabreeze refused to look to Frostmelt. “I-I don’t- how could you-? She…she’s dead, Frostmelt. I don’t….” Seabreeze tripped horribly over his words, it was painful to get them out at all, his throat felt like it was closing and it was getting hard to breathe. He needed to get back to camp, he needed something to distract him or he was going to drown. It was almost as if he was losing her again, but this time it was knowing she was being lost in other cats’ memories. Call him selfish but Cloverpaw is-she was brilliant! One of the best. Not just another cat that could be forgotten so soon…but she is...one of so many deaths these past moons.

Swallowing around the growing lump of grief and tears in his throat as his tongue suddenly felt too big for his own mouth, it was so hard to push out the following words and when they did leave, they were fractured, quiet, but lacking so much emotion that it scared even Seabreeze, “We need, we need to go back to camp. We caught enough.” Without waiting for the other, Seabreeze grabbed the mouse by its tail and turned around, walking back down the pathway they had been walking back towards the bridge and back towards the camp. H ewasn’t sure he could face Frostmelt right now, not after that, it almost felt like a betrayal not to just him but to Cloverpaw as well, which was honestly much worse in his eyes. The warrior collected each of the prey that he caught awkwardly. Throwing the birds over his shoulders so their spread out wings fell off both sides and kept them there and kept the land prey by their tails in his mouth. He kept walking, not listening to anything over the louder drone of buzzing of blood rushing through his ears, not that he wanted to. He didn’t want to hear anything from Frostmelt right now. The tom made sure that the other was behind him as he walked, he wasn’t going to leave behind a clan mate while there were only the two of them there. Never would he, especially so soon after the raid, who knows what is lurking.

The scent of an unknown cat stuck, tainting, his sister’s body came to mind. Lacing the injuries like poison that stayed stubbornly despite the way the blood flowed. It was later known to him that a rogue of some sort had attacked her and she had been alive before they carried her back to camp. She had been alive when they treated her, she had been alive until the stars were high and Seabreeze was at her side, praying to the stars that they wouldn’t gain another. That they wouldn’t take his sister from him after everything else they set him up with, but they did. Seabreeze had known that night, before she stopped breathing, that she was not going to see the daylight of the next morning because when he peered out of the den, there was a star out there he had never noticed before. Brighter and softer than the rest in the skies, hanging where his blue eyes were naturally trained to and he knew that it was his sister’s warning, that it was his sister and her star in the sky. In those moments, he had refused to see that and pretended that it was lying, that it was a coincidence that such a thing caught his eye in those moments. But it was right before dawn that he felt the subtle shift of oxygen whispering in her lungs to nothing at all that he couldn’t deny it. It was when a part of him died as well, a part of him that he was going to never get back. Even now.

His paws hit the ground of the camp and his dull, tired blue eyes landed on the prey pile instantly. Seabreeze walked slowly to it and dropped the prey and while he should be hungry he felt that he was empty but in a way that could not be filled so there was no point. With one last glance to the warrior following him in, those golden stars reflecting in the river blues, Seabreeze turned and walked to the warrior’s den.

[Sorry it’s a bit shorter than I would’ve liked but I didn’t want to push it or it’d come out bad lol.
Also drama, gotta love it. They’ll have a bit of a rough patch but it’ll be okay, hopefully. I’m going to turn in the patrol after this post so if you could Frost not catch anything else that’d be great!!! Thank you!]