[Captain]

Originally Posted by Constellation

Every life that is lived held a goal. Personally to Stonestream, he felt that if a cat completed their goal, then they were gone. They were ready to die. But, if they didn't, then they were scared to join their ancestors. Death wasn't something to be afraid of. It was the thought where you would.go afterward. The afterlife...if there was one. Or, was there complete darkness, or constant dreams and nightmares? Stonestream knew that he would be welcomed to Starclan with opened paws, but what if there were other steps that needed to be taken? What if it wasn't that easy going to Starclan? All of a sudden, Stonestream wondered how the petrified thoughts ended in his mind. So, he blinked them away, and nodded vigorously upon her words. “Oh. Yes, definitely. No goal, what's the point of life? To me, it would be very boring.” Stonestream knew for certain that life was not guaranteed. It was a privilege. One that would be taken away easily. Because everyone dies, but not everyone live. The misery train of thought, hit him like a ton of bricks because he knew it was true. The kits that were unborn, the kits that were stillborn were his. Didn't even live when they came from their mother’s womb. Again, he was losing it. His mind was whirling. Sometimes the weather done that to him. Either a sign he was getting old, or depressed. Which was definitely not a road he would go down any longer. “But, you know, maybe some goals are to be lazy. Live carefree and make some memories. Bad or good. They both certainly shape you into a stronger cat.” He commented, softly. Staring down at his paws, and flexing his claws for a moment. He dug them lightly into the stump, but scolded himself for getting sidetracked. Stonestream had been interested in this scar she received. He wanted to lean in closer to take a good look at it, but knew it was inappropriate for such a act. If he hadn't reminded himself of personal space, he would had used his own paw to find her scar and get a hint of it. It was a rather weird thought, but he was curious. As she had stated, but Stonestream felt himself grow embarrassed so he pulled away, and simply smile and awaited for her to continue her story. “I mean no harm,” he dipped his head out of respect. “Though I have the fascination of a kit’s point of view.” He chuckled. He hoped that was a smooth move to cover the awkward move he made when he tried to analyze her neck. As she went on telling her tale, Stonestream gave an occasional nod of his head. Sometimes even tilting it to one side to the other. The broad tom gave a small smile upon her words: I was in love. Again, it was odd to think that two felines who grew up as siblings fell in love with each other, but at this inclining age of life, Stonestream thought he heard all sorts of taboo love stories. “I understand the feeling.” He spoke, deeply. For he had been in love onc- twice. He had experienced the power it gave him, and even the pain that followed. Love definitely had a way of making many strong, act without a care in the world. Love was incredibly sensitive...and sweet. And, cunning, yet coy. Love was truly...indescribable. Something he could never explain. “Everyone wants to take a dare on love. It's our biggest fear, yet our greatest desire. It makes us afraid, and make us brave. I don't know why love likes to toy with us.” He snorted, huffing and shaking his head. Stonestream held no negative motives as Autumnleaf discussed her story and emotions. And, he continued to listen to her, understanding parts of where she was coming from.

The tips of his ears lightly heated up, and he perked them from their folded state. Stonestream felt that he had somewhat insulted her when he meant no harm by it. “Did I offend you?” He asked, alarmed, his eyes widening for a moment as he took a moment to gaze at her. “Because I didn't mean to. It...was a joke. Sometimes, I joke too much. And, at the wrong time. At the...wrong moment.” Maybe this Lightningclaw had been a hero. Maybe he was still a.good Tom. Perhaps, Autumnleaf still loved him. Which was silly to think that she wouldn't love him. After all, they were adoptive siblings, they were mates, they have loved each other. According to Stonestream, it was not that simple to stop loving someone who once had been yours. However, he didn't want his new friend to think he was taking a jab at her past relationship, which he knew was important to her, but Stonestream didn't like to hear depressing stories without a little joke. Clearing his throat, Stonestream inwardly kept to himself that he would control his filter. Instead of talking, he would listen with opened ears. Her next words, made him shift his position. It was like a secret she was telling him. Something she had been hiding and ready to spill. One thing Stonestream loved, it was secrets. The fact that others trusted him with such delicates, made him feel fuzzy inside. The tom gave a bow of his head out of respect to the mentioned past medicine cat apprentice. Stonestream remembered Northpaw. He didn't know him personally, but he knew who he was at the time. It was sad to know that he joined the stars without a chance of proving his worth to the clan. Though he didn't comment on this, he continued to listen. As she continued on, she did answer one of his questions. Lightningclaw wasn't with them any longer. So...what did that actually mean? Was he dead? Had he fled? Got exiled? Anything could had happened, really. Again, Stonestream’s curiosity was hanging on the tip of a thread, and he knew if he waited long enough, his questions would be quenched. She trailed on with her tale, Stonestream blinked his eyes, kept quiet to listen on. It was absurd to think a cat rising from the dead. Insane, surely! Especially since Stonestream didn't believe in supernatural-types. But, he had refused to speak when a story was being told. So, instead, he outstretched his hindpaws as far back in a tight spot that he could, and crossed his front paws to lay his head down on them. Though the end of her continued tale, Stonestream had lifted his head for a moment. “Why wouldn't I remember them? I'm not that old, yknow. And, I'm definitely not senile.” Stonestream would had been lying if he didn't admit it somewhat offended him, but since his voice was heavily laced with a joking manner, it was hard to tell that he found the comment offensive in any way. Stonestream definitely remembered Northpaw and Zerosight. He remembered all the sea of positions that Thunderclan went through. Maybe...that made him sound old. Stonestream had no problem acting his age, but that didn't mean he liked to be reminded how old he was. So, he laid his head down back on his paws. “Not yet, anyway.” He murmured, truly hoping he never had to worry about forgetting much of anything.

As the Tom settled into a quiet state once again, he kept a sullen gaze on the she cat next to him. With his head lolled to the side, he flicked his ears at her every word. He took notice of her heavy eyelids, and the occasional nod of her head. Nap time already? Perhaps, she talked herself to sleep. The thought made Stonestream laugh internally. The loss of a close friend...must had been tough. It was still hard to convince Stonestream that this other tom had powers. It was very...exaggerated. It couldn't be true, but stranger things have been heard of. Autumnleaf’s motives wasn't any different from any other young apprentice. Stonestream knew he was the same way; hoping to be a grand warrior. A name remembered within Thunderclan. A recognized face. So, he understood that, and he understood the rest. Lightningclaw promised she would be his mate, and later she was heavy with kits. That brought a smile on Stonestream’s face as he truly adored little ones. “It must had been a very joyous occasion for you.” He said, softly which caused his voice to be deeper than intended. “...I never got to meet my first litter. We, uh, we had a miscarriage.” And, many more after that. Autumnleaf and Lightningclaw had the stars on their side when they welcomed in their sweet babies on their first try. Stonestream wasn't bitter about any of this because he did have wonderful daughters who loved the world, albeit lived a short, short life. They would had made wondrous warriors, but as far as Stonestream knew, he was the only sole survivor of his family. He held.no legacy, which wasn't something he moaned about often. What mattered most was that a happy life was lived. As long as he was still around, love was going to be thrown. Stonestream couldn't help but wiggle his nose upon the Molly's earlier comments. So, it seemed as if Lightningclaw grew a bigger head? Stonestream would had laughed, if he figured it was appropriate, but it wasn't so he kept it to himself. A cat obtain powers, and they feel like they are on the top of the world. Though Stonestream gave this unknown Tom credit for wanting to protect the ones he loved since he apparently thought of himself as a monster, or equivalent to the mentioned. “Those are some gorgeous names for your little ones.” Questions stirred on his mind, wondering where they were now. Perhaps they were proud warriors of Thunderclan. Though based on Autumnleaf’s deserted gaze, Stonestream figured not so much. It made him sit up, and look down at his friend. The next part was dreadful. It was like he could feed onto her sadness because the next part of the story was something he definitely wouldn't like. He has experienced many, many losses. Oddly, the loss of kits made him traumatized, and helpless. Either because he lost potential kittens, and that he lost his own daughters when they were young warriors. He just hoped...he pleaded that he wouldn't have to hear such hurt in a story. That's not something his heart learned to shield just yet. “Take your time, Autumnleaf...take your time.” He soothed. Remembering was painful. For some odd reason, Stonestream knew the climax was happening. He just didn't think he was prepared for it. Funny to think, this wasn't his story to tell. Yet, it held a suspenseful edge to it that made it appear as a thriller. One that he was not ready to hear the outcome because whether he knew it or not, his heart was going to be torn for a molly that he didn't even know that well. “You don't have to continue if you don't want to recall it. Don't stress yourself out.” He whispered, hesitating at first, but ended up lifting a thick paw to gently set it on her own, then removing it, as quick as he done the action. The reason why he was acting utmost gentle was basically because she probably knew. She probably knew that feeling of loss that he felt when he lost his own kits. Just maybe...but he didn't want to jump to conclusions without knowing the next part of the story.

“I have to admit that goals sometimes can be hassle to some, but that’s just from personal experience.” The brown-furred shecat murmured with a gentle smile as she looked at Stonestream with her ears twitching ever so softly, “I do agree with you that it makes life all the more interesting - perhaps someday, things will become less morbid for me.” Autumnleaf took a moment to look out at the trees that loomed over them from outside, a somewhat small sign of hope seeming to flicker within her emerald-hued gaze before she shook her head. “Heh, I’m sorry, I tend to act so foolish and forget the reality of it all - I was like that when I still had my youth.” The small shecat grew silent for a moment as she listened to the gentle breeze go through the woodland area outside and it made her wonder for a moment, however, before she could elaborate on these thoughts - the tomcat began to speak once again, which caught her attention as she listened to his words about goals being lazy and seen as becoming more carefree. That was something she had never thought of before, so that intrigued Autumnleaf for a long couple of seconds as she pondered over that, finishing this with a gentle smile coming to her maw now. “Perhaps you are right, Stonestream.” The long-furred female remarked, “For such an extensive amount of time, I’ve just stressed about my goals and hoping to accomplish them before my time is up - but maybe one of my new goals should be to worry about making myself happy and just enjoy life.” It was rather strange thinking about life like this, considering how earlier that she was just feeling broken and dismal inside. She uttered a quiet sigh, seeming to almost come content with her actions and where she was now. Looking at the male who accompanied her out of the corner of the shecat’s gaze, Autumn couldn’t help but silently thank him for this. Just the simple act of listening and comforting her while she was in her state of raw emotion - it had nearly brought her back to reality and out of the dark abyss that she was lost in when the storm had started not too long ago in this land. She gave a chuckle at his reaction of embarrassment towards her whole scar situation. “It’s alright.” The bobtail reassured him, “There has always been something interesting about one’s scars. An elder once told me that scars are stories, history written on the body.” All his little awkward and shyness at times was rather adorable to her when they showed themselves and Autumn honestly had no problem with it. She couldn’t remember the last time that someone had been so engrossed in her life. As she told more of the ill-fated tale of her and Lightningclaw’s background, she couldn’t help but look at him with this gaze that was filled with several emotions as he said that he understood what it was like to be in love. The bobtailed feline did not doubt this - he didn’t look like the type to lie about this. As she listened more to what he had to say, Autumn couldn’t help but feel like he understood more about her than she originally had assumed. There was a strange, yet calming comfort about it that the brown-furred warrior couldn’t put her paw on. “Love is not just a feeling. It’s all about commitment and true sacrifice.” The small female mentioned with a morbid chuckle, “The pure experience of being in love or just being loved by someone, it is something that most are willing to chase after and risk everything they have ever known for. It’s a beautiful, yet sick addiction that all creatures go through - but that’s just my opinion on it.”

Autumnleaf noticed almost immediately how alarmed and embarrassed Stonestream became once she had mentioned the things regarding Lightningclaw being a hero to some. “No, no! It’s completely fine, Stonestream. There’s no need to be sorry, you silly mousebrain.” She murmured, resting a paw on his shoulder for a moment, “You didn’t offend me. Back then, there were a lot of cats within Thunderclan that admired Lightningclaw and everything that he had become. He was the talk of the clan and there were many, well, flirtatious shecats that tried to make advances on him. There are times when I wonder if he ever had cheated me with another female, but I never had the evidence or anything to prove my suspicions.” The bobtail explained, not wanting her new-found friend to become distraught and anxious when it came to talking to her about this kind of stuff that involved her past. “There’s no harm done in your words, my friend, just some revisited memories that I had not touched in many, many moons. Trust me on that.” Autumnleaf wasn’t very good at comforting others or even reassuring them, for that matter in particular, but she hoped that Stonestream would not fret about this because she took no offence from it and that was true honesty. She did. However, notice how he became more interested than before when she mentioned telling him an important secret of the past - not just hers, but the clans. It was probably frowned upon by how quickly she trusted others when it came to telling things such as this, but something about this tomcat made her feel safe and sound, like she could confide in him when it was time to spill out all the words of her story. He seemed to become lost with thought and rather content as she told him of that day. Autumnleaf remembered how kind Northpaw was to her and Lightningpaw when they were young. Even though he was still an apprentice like them when she knew him, the bobtail still had great respect for them and silently hoped that he was doing well in Starclan, or wherever he was now. It was rather embarrassing, but Autumnleaf never really found out what happened to Northpaw, being too lost in her own life at the time. She choose not to mention this to Stonestream for obvious reasons. It took her by surprise when he spoke, almost being completely lost in her own storytelling to realize that she had perhaps offended him slightly with her words. Now it was her turn to become embarrassed and even though there was hints of a joking tone to his voice, Autumn was still very much ashamed for being so foolish. “I-I’m sorry.” She mewed to him, turning to the tomcat beside her with a certain sad shame in her green-hued gaze, “Sometimes, I get so into my stories that I don’t really think about what I say at certain points. It all just flows naturally from my mouth and it just..happens, I guess.” She knew, deep down, that this was probably putting too much forward and making this a big deal when it didn’t have to be that way, but the bobtailed shecat hated to offend others - no matter the context around it. Whether it was age or sexuality or relations or anything, she did not desire to be that type to harm others with words in a disrespectful, rude fashion. Autumn saw him lay his head on his paws and murmur something, which made her ears twitch. Perhaps she would lose this new friend before she even got to truly know him in a way and that thought just brought her down again. Silently scolding herself because of this, she decided it would be best to just move onward now.

The bobtailed shecat wished that she wasn’t so tired like this, especially now, when she was telling an important story to Stonestream. It usually didn’t occur to her how much sleep that she had missed out on in these past moons while she grew cold and emotionless over all the pain that her life had given her. She knew that her story, especially the part where Lightningclaw was given powers by Starclan, seemed unbelievable and weird, but Autumn knew that it actually happened - she wasn’t crazy or anything like that. She was depressed, anxious, emotional and many other things, but she wasn’t insane and the bobtail was certain about that. Moving on from that part of the conversation, the warrior looked at Stonestream with a softened smile when he mentioned that her first litter was most likely a joyous occasion for her and it was, without a doubt. Her smile fell when the tomcat told her of his first litter of kittens, where a miscarriage occurred. It was a heartbreaking thought and the shecat could only image how difficult that was for him back then. She took a moment to rest her head against his shoulder for a silent couple of seconds before she spoke. “I am sorry for your loss. I truly am.” The brown-furred feline murmured, her tone soft and comforting, “I know how it is to lose a kitten before they even truly got a chance to live.” She trailed off in her words and grew silent before softly shaking her head, “My poor little Stormkit..” Autumn whispered this and then flicked her ears to her friend’s words now, letting another smile come to the maw of this shecat. “I’m glad you think so. I always saw them as unique and I wanted them to have names to express this.” The forced happiness in her expression would falter now and then as she continued to tell him more. Out of the corner of her vision as she looked out into the hunting grounds with this lost and hurt look, she saw him sit up and look at her - he seemed to already know that her story was about to turn dreadful. His soothing words made her feel better though, she’d admit, peering up at the tomcat with a small, understanding nod. He surprised her by resting his paw gently on hers for a small moment. It was a sweet and heartfelt gesture that made her feel warm inside. “I appreciate your support, Stonestream, I want you to know that.” She mentioned, “You deserve to hear everything however, so I will go on and tell you the next part of my life.” Autumnleaf took a few seconds to stretch out her paws once more as she sat up like he had done. This would help her keep awake and not doze off on him. “In the same moon that my kittens were born, there was a large forest fire that broke out in our territory. Without a doubt, cats in our clan that are around our age remember that. It was such a terrifying experience.” The shecat expressed, giving a quiet sigh before going on, “Lightningclaw, of course, decided to put the clan first before his family - which I suppose is understandable, but I will move on so I don’t get too ornery about all of that.” There was a slight pause for effect. “I was left to evacuate with the rest of Thunderclan while my mate was going through our territory and camp, looking for cats to save and rescue anyone that he could find. It was dangerous to do, but he was willing to use his powers for the good of the clan.” She said, “I managed to carry our five kittens, some on my back and a few of them by the scruff. I don’t recall whether or not someone helped me carry them that day later on, but I cannot recall that much detail about it.” The shecat heaved herself onto her back legs as she turned over her front paws and showed Stonestream that burn scars on her bare pawpads from walking through the burning forest. “I was lucky to get out of there with just these injuries - I remember so many cats suffered worst than me.” Autumn shook her head, silently taking a moment to honor the ones that were lost in the fire. “All of my kittens were strong and fought through it, even though they were so terrified about it. The youngest of the litter, Stormkit, was taking the worst of it. She kept coughing and whimpering as we fled through the thick smoke to safety. She was the runt of the litter and much weaker than the other four. I had always tried to be careful with her, but..” There was a moment of silence as she bowed her head before she peered at her friend with a sadness in her eyes. “My youngest daughter was taken by the thick smoke of the fire. It was too much for her tiny, weak lungs.”