[lone]

~for @Duskflight~

Pinekit sat in the clearing, the sleek chocolate furred tom's tail curled neatly around his paws, the tip twitching ever so slightly as it did when he was thinking about something. Truth be told, he didn't often have too deep of thoughts...at least, not before these unusual feelings of guilt and confusion had set in. They had given him a lot to think about, and he wasn't quite sure he liked all of it. Sure, maybe it was kind of nice to have someone care about him...and maybe it was kind of nice to care about someone else for once, but that was entirely beside the point. Wasn't it? Wasn't the original point of all this so that he could get some benefits from Adderpaw? And now that she was an apprentice, he could really begin his work. Forget about the fire, and how she had stuck close to him the whole time like a real friend...forget about how he hadn't wanted to leave her because he had been nervous to go off on his own...and if only I could forget how I was being so dang friendly to her. That's one thing that I won't ever be able to forget, is how stupidly nice I was. Ugh, why can't I be stronger about these things? He thought, his tail twitching a little faster and his ears tilting backwards. A sure sign of aggravation on him. I may as well look for Adderpaw. If I'm going to do this thing, I might as well do it right. Because she's just another cat. Right? He thought to himself, a glimmer of hope spreading through him at the thought. That was true; she was just another cat. There were dozens like her in the Clan. Actually...that last part may not have been true. Right, there were dozens of other cats. But like Adderpaw? No, there was only one Adderpaw, and she was his friend. His...friend. He wasn't quite sure how to react at the words that he was thinking at the moment.

He wasn't quite sure how to react to anything anymore. It was all a sort of blur, and not the kind that he liked either. Not a cool blur, as in one where he would feel perfectly comfortable spinning around, but one of those strange ones where you can't sort out the lies from the truth. He kept his sage hues fixed on the clearing, his tail twitching every once in a while in an aggravated manner, and his expression struggling to keep calm. He hated it when he panicked, and he knew he had a tendency to do so under stressful situations. Right now, the stress was very real to him. This wasn't a game anymore, this wasn't something that he could run away from and pretend that he was perfectly fine. That everybody was perfectly fine, and that there was no point in struggling anymore because everything was going to be alright. No, pretty soon Pinekit was going to have to choose his own path to take. Whether that may lead him towards or away from Adderpaw, he was going to have to pick one. The young tom's sage hues scanned the clearing for his companion/friend...he wasn't even sure what to call her anymore. Friend does sound nice...but companion is more of what she is at the moment, just another cat for me to use...he thought with a small twitch of his tail. Why was it so easy for him to flicker back and forth through these emotions? And why, why was it so hard for him to forget about Adderpaw and yet so easy for him to remember her?