[Fawn]

Originally Posted by starfall

His tongue glided along the wall of his cheek, wiping up the blood that blossomed after a moment of stress. He had tasted it before, the crimson water, it had its own peculiar spice that made it different from all the rest. He hated it. He also hated the memories that came along with it, they were never good, how could any memory be good if it involved blood? Cedarsprint was there the morning they found his parents bodies. While he was there for his siblings, trying to keep his family in tact, Cedarsprint was there for him, to keep his spirit in tact. How they had become so distant? He couldn't remember, but he knew it began sometime around when he became deputy. He regretted it all. What he regretted, he didn't know. How much he changed, what he did, what he used to believe in? All he knew at the moment was that Riverclan was functioning, Honeypool was gone, and Cedarsprint hadn't changed since the last he saw him. If Cedarsprint was the same as before, than he knew the look of uncertainty that flickered across his distant friends face like the back of a salmon. The warrior, to the leaders understanding and experience, was rarely unsettled, always had an idea, a grasp, of what was going on and what was going to happen as well as what had already happened. It made him sick to think that he had become one of the few things to put him in a momentairy state of doubt. The ebony feline put his paw under his chin and tilted his head to the side, a perplexed expression formed on his face. "So...it's not a shared..bond." he began, each word slowly slipping out of his mouth. "Rather, it's a River. Where you're the fish, and he's the strong current. Yes, I think I understand..." it made a little more sense to him after he put it like that, but just a little. Even that little sense of knowledge made him shudder. The fact that he had heard that wounds could be acquired through these dreams made him fear for his friends life. 'That Snake!'

Lapis eyes watched as the brown, red tinted, warrior renewed his pacing, watching each paw lift off the floor with invisible passion, each tuft of fur fluff with the gust of wind. It never got old, though of course it made Fallenstar dizzy it held a sense of...familiarity to it, some things only few actions or scents did. Brought him back to his kithood. Of course, now wasn't the time to remember his past, Cedarsprint seemed to pace only when in deep thought, stressed, or when he was onto something, of course those were the only times the leader had seen his distant friend pace. He shook his head as his friend pressed on, trying to show him something, prove to him he was right, show the facts. Cedarsprint was rarely wrong, he knew that, and he wasn't wrong this time, technically, either. "I get that, but you can't fight a war if it isn't there." he stated, "What would I tell our clanmates to prepare for? We've already got Windclan and Shadowclan ready to fight at any given moment, what else can I throw onto their shoulders? It'd just...it'd just cause panic." they already had so much to deal with, and of course that was his fault, he was the one who told Riverclan to fight alongside Thunderclan to drive the other two away. He was also the one who broke the pact between Russetswirl and Blazingstar. He was the reason they were trudging up a hill with so much weighing them down, he couldn't add more. So much was happening, so many voices screaming, singing, speaking, whispering, gargling, all of it in his head he had to focus on Cedarsprints smell, his voice. He had to dig his claws into the ground. He was so scared that he wouldn't be able to tell reality from fantasy if this kept on. This news, this extra fear wasn't helping him in the slightest bit.

The bulky tom shook his head and cast his gaze to the stone floor, focusing on a little branch of moss on his nest, stabilizing himself. Why would Starclan allow more than one evil? Did they want to punish the clans for fighting? Didn't they suffer enough? "He couldn't have....Eternalstar's lying to try and scare us....it worked too....he couldn't have made it out of that blaze." A long, drawn out sigh escaped his lips and he lifted his head, brows knit together with an evident frown on his face. "We can't trust what he says. We're going to have to see it for ourselves...there was no way in Starclan Bucknight could have survived that fire, it was large, we barely survived that fire. " he huffed, tail lashing behind him. He didn't know what else to say to push the idea of the former evil era leader surviving away, prove that it was wrong. No one had found the body. He began to bite the inside of his cheek once more, making sure it was real, that all of this was real. The pit in his stomach grew when he realized it was, indeed, real, that all of this was happening and that his clanmates, not just his clanmates, that all the clans might be in danger again. His voice wasn't strong, it didn't stand tall, project, it was weak and it wavered. He was a leader, but he felt like a horrible one. What good could possibly come to him leading his clan into a war that might not even happen? 'Better than that scoundrel leading this clan.' one of the few, good, soft voices rang out and, oddly enough, brought him back to what was currently happening. Stopped him from caving in on himself. He caught onto the warriors airy joke, and it made him crack a smile, it was like an ember crackling as it tried to ignite a fire once more. "Don't know what he'd gain from speaking to me anyways....I've got nothing to give, and these idiots sure as day wouldn't listen to the likes of him...most of them at least." he stated, the smile lingering for a moment longer, but in a blink of an eye, disappeared. He knew not all of his clanmates liked following in the footsteps of Starclan, but as long as they weren't tearing innocent felines throats out, he was contempt with that.

Fallenstar gave a little jump and barely suppressed a startled noise as Cedarsprint cleared his throat and resumed speaking once more in a rushed tone. It almost made the leader want to get up. He knew the thinker in front of him, he was the reason he didn't loose an eye in his kit-hood days, he always had a little more to say after the starter. Fond memories made him miss their close bond, made him wonder if there was still something there, a spiders web worth of it would be enough for him. He missed the adventures they went on, the jokes they shared with one another, all of it. Of course, he was nothing but trouble now, the leader, In someway he always seemed to hurt or drive away those he cared about. He had more scars on the inside than out. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't mend the bond that he had broken, he was too much of a mess and a wreck, it would do nothing but burden his distant friend.

He didn't know what to do. Normally, yes, leaders did travel with their medicine cats to the Starcave when such an important thing arises, but she was a Windclanner and she was new. Cedarsprint, on the other hand, is a Riverclanner, and is one of the few, few felines he trusted, yet he was not a medicine cat. That and he was nothing but a bad luck magnet, brought nothing but pain and death wherever his paws touched the earth. After a long moment of silence, of thinking and contemplating hard about his choice, the ebony leader stood up and shook the moss off his pelt, twitching his ears as the moss landed gently upon the stone floor. "I will go alone..." he stated, yet he couldn't finish his sentence. He couldn't give his reasoning as to why he was to do it alone, more like he wouldn't. If he stated it aloud it would be....well emberassing, the fact that he didn't want any harm to come to Cedarsprint because he attracted bad luck. He ruffled his fur, making him seem like an even bigger feline, and made his way toward the entrance to his den, pawsteps slow, wobbly. He was still recovering from the running and mucking about he had to do a few moons ago to get Rowanflower. Managed to get a few good scratches from that, and he was positive his back leg wound had managed to reopen. "make sure to tell Rowanflower where I've gone, you don't have to tell her wh-" of course, in that serious moment, he had managed to bite his tongue, which caused the tom to drop his head and let out a hiss of pain. He was more of a wreck than he thought.

Cedarsprint winced at Fallenstar's words and felt troubled, maybe not equally so but all the same; he didn't have the stress of the leader, wasn't responsible for the well-being of an entire Clan... however, he did worry for Fallenstar. He was fearful for him, very afraid he would crack under the pressure, and given his recent actions he almost felt like that would be his fault. He hadn't been here when he needed to be, but he was determined to change that as early as right now. "We'll get through this," he said encouragingly, hoping it sounded optimistic and certain even if he wasn't. Unsure of what they were really up against, he didn't know how to begin to fight this battle, as if was entirely dream-based. He realized it was also interesting how he'd worded it: not, you'll get through this or RiverClan will -- it was we'll, reminding him of the times they were a team. Cedarsprint liked the sound of once again being united with his childhood friend and could merely hope Fallenstar was as willing to mend things between them.

"I know, I know," he sighed, conflicted and pacing as he wished he could sort his thoughts on the matter. "There really isn't a lot to do about it because it's not as if you could tell them, or prepare them.. We don't want to alarm anybody and create a panic, that's perhaps what Eternalstar is hoping for through all of this." There was a sadness in his eyes again, not just because of their wrecked bond but more because it made him uneasy that he had to share this with Fallenstar. RiverClan might be able to take it, but the leader was weakened under the pressures of managing a Clan. And maybe personal matters too if the gossip floating around was true. "So that's why we don't tell them anything at all, unless StarClan can give us specific guidance. We might have to wait and see what this manifests into, but we have an edge of the opponent. We have knowledge and could begin training the Clan in subtle ways, making sure they are battle-ready in case anything arises.. but yes, I agree- WindClan and ShadowClan appear to be our biggest concerns and may continue to be, if they refuse to help." Should anything happen with the Dark Forest, it could take the Clans' combined efforts to drive them away. His thoughts were racing a mile a minute, and he tried to be careful with what he shared to Fallenstar. He didn't want to overload him with information, especially when he was aiming to be a better companion than he had for many moons. Even if Fallenstar was uninterested in bridging the gap between them, repairing an old connection, that didn't mean he would try any less to give him the compassion he worried he lacked for too long. Holding his tongue, he wasn't sure if he should protest and claim Eternalstar was being honest about it since he didn't know. He preferred Fallenstar's version of events, where Bucknight didn't survive but that didn't explain why he wasn't in the Dark Forest. Cedarsprint wondered if he just didn't summon him, though it did clarify Eternalstar wasn't reincarnated into Bucknight at least ... but that wasn't ideal either, having two cats that could totally conquer at the twitch of a whisker if they desired. Shaking his head to shake the thoughts away, he told himself that wouldn't happen. "Luckily, that seems to be irrelevant. There's no reason to send out a search for Bucknight or bother with him if he is alive because he has been around for dozens of moons complacently." He was concerned that was a front, and they could be gaining numbers to overturn the Clans. "You're right. RiverClan is loyal to you, Fallenstar. We all are, I am. Some cat could try to take over, but we wouldn't let them bring this Clan to the depths of evil by uprooting you." RiverClan would defend their leader. Unlike what Fallenstar believed, the general consensus was that he was a good leader for them. He wished Fallenstar had a choice in whether or not he spoke with Eternalstar, but the fact was that he didn't. "Don't.. fret over it. He may not reach out to you, and if he does, just don't give him anything." Eternalstar was a body of trickery and deceit, which only worked if Fallenstar offered him something to work with. "I trust that you'll do fine if confronted with his evil." Fallenstar had demonstrated time and time again that he could rise to a challenge, and Cedarsprint thought this would be no different despite the state he was in.

When it looked like Fallenstar was getting up from his nest, Cedarsprint filled with adrenaline from the tips of his ears down to his toes.. This was it, they were going to go on an outing together and resolve this with the help of their starry ancestors. Wonderful. Well, it was wonderful until Fallenstar determined he was going to go alone, which caused Cedarsprint's ears to fall flat in concern and frustration. The problem was, he didn't think it was exactly within his power to demand he come along on this journey, not to mention it wasn't his job to. "I should go too," he urged lamely, desperately trying to think of an excuse why it would be necessary. "I.. would probably do something stupid, if I'm here.. y'know, alone and all." It was true to an extent, but he was far more worried about Fallenstar traveling alone-- he wasn't going to allow that to happen. Fallenstar was barely able to function in his physical and emotional ruin, much less do this without any assistance.

Cedarsprint padded to catch up to him, which wasn't hard since his childhood friend's steps were wobbly and uneven, slow. Definitely a cause for concern, and that by itself was enough to convince him Fallenstar couldn't do this on his own, and besides, he wouldn't stand by and permit it to happen knowingly. "Look, you can either give me the chance to come with you, or I can follow ten tail-lengths behind you the entire way, but I'm not staying here." His thoughts grew muddled with memories of the past, and his breath hitched. Fallenstar was one of the few that hadn't been lost to time or death, and he couldn't let him slip through his paws like this. "You're still important to me." It was quiet, a candid confession, but nonetheless true. Cedarsprint didn't want his attempt at rekindling a friendship to be outright rejected, but if he was going to, he thought it was better now than later. Trying to snap out of it, he meowed, "..But even so, just as a warrior and leader, I want to be by your side in this situation." If he wanted the short version of it: he wasn't going alone, and Cedarsprint wasn't about to stay in camp wishing he was with his childhood friend.