Quote:
Originally Posted by Duskflight
For a moment he was left in silence again, his own mind quickly beginning to latch on to the idea that Shinefang now thought him as incapable of dealing with this stress on his own. Laying his head in his paws, he closed his eyes and let the whirlwind of thoughts wildly rampage trough his head before he lifted it again as the medicine cat returned with three bulb-shaped plants. For a moment be would look at them, before looking back at Shinefang as he explained what they were. Even in a time like this, he enjoyed learning, even if he might not remember it the next day. Closing his eyes, he wouldn't bother looking at the slightly shriveled petals of the bulb as he ingested them. He could feel his heart straining with emotions, the weakness he felt at having to take these just to calm down, his own mind who was usually filled with optimism and brightness, screaming at him with hatred and degradation.
His eyes would open to look over at the other tom as he lightly rested his tail tip on his back. Silence ensued as he took the words in, the screaming quieting down to a hushed whisper. 'You've led this clan through more difficult days than this. You can do it again.' That struck him. His head nodding slightly. "They never tell you how hard it is you know. To do this? You might think its just making decisions every now and again, doing ceremonies, being a figurehead but its not.. When I was deputy- even when I was a new leader, I never expected this. None of it. I thought I could lead with unbridled optimism and cheerfulness. I thought I could brave through it and keep my thoughts to my own, or even to a select few but now its wearing.. It's.. It's not working anymore." |
Without needing to hear much more, the brown tabby ate up the chamomile. Shinefang didn’t know what to expect after what he said. He didn’t suppose the leader would be inclined to speak. But he did, and more than that, he opened up about how these seasons had not only weighed on him but changed him. Now that he was facing these decisions, he was changing in ways he never thought he had. The energy and bright enthusiasm that had carried him so far was failing him. The medicine cat cleared his throat. “That optimism is what makes you a good leader. It’s what’s made every warrior you’ve named proud to serve Skyclan. So I wouldn’t knock it. But you know, even the happiest cat alive is bound to have hard times. You’ll get through it. Trust yourself. Trust your deputy. And trust your warriors when the time comes. You’re not just a figurehead to them. You’re the cat who makes their clan worth serving.” The old tom’s shredded ears gave a flick, and he turned back to Grousestar. “I ought to be going. If you want another dose tomorrow morning, go the bank where we went to get you a drink while you were still getting your strength back. I’ll leave it there at dawn.” He stood up to go, wanting to be back in his den before his apprentice or any warriors stirred.