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Old November 19th, 2017, 12:06 PM
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Akari Akari is offline
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Default Re: Story criticism!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mayflower View Post
Sorry! I mean that everyone is rather happy, as the original Masque story and older language uses gay to mean happy, and Ciraynne is not. Hope that clears things up!
Alright, it sure does. Now, you also said “You’ll be fine, darling. It’s probably just pregnancy sickness." As far as I'm aware, there is no such thing. If it is in the morning, I Believe the correct term is "Morning Sickness." Then again, in their Situation, I Doubt there is such a thing as morning.

And at the top of page 4, you Wrote: ”Well, now that i know that she isn’t married, I think I won’t listen to you. I also think Ciraynne can decide the people good enough for her by herself. I’m sure she can take care of herself without an overbearing brother who doesn’t let her live...”
You forgot to capitalize the I.

Last edited by Akari; November 19th, 2017 at 12:09 PM.
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