[judas]

Originally Posted by Mayflower

So, my ELA teacher is making us write a story as a subplot for The Masque Of The Red Death, and I don't know what to think of what I have so far. If you could, please read it in the link provided and post your criticisms and remarks here. DO NOT try to sugarcoat it please!

The Story

Thanks! ^^

Keep in mind I will be working on it as you read

Okay Imma try and be as nice but not sugar coat it as much as possible so
1. I love a romance story, and this may not be the main focus or anything but it still bothers me. I think the story went to fast from the time it starts, to suddenly being engaged. You should have added a page or two on how they developed feelings
2. Her brother, seems cool maybe a little over protective. I would have liked to see more of him and Alistair have a bigger fight. Maybe in the pages above I mentioned.
2. I lovelovelove everything else, keep at it. Your words are so... mystical? But I do see a few grammar errors. I'm not picky, but it's just a space here or there that I see.