[carmen]

Beastpaw

It took him a while to build up confidence. For a cat like him, that was rare. Run in claws shining, let them see you at your worse. That was his philosophy, but today he'd do something different, something better. Head up. Voice level. Stay calm. Now wasn't the time for stupidity or yelling or blaming someone else. Because he was growing as a cat, and it had gotten to the point where he had to take responsibility for his own mistakes. Even if he didn't want to get in trouble, even if he was mad at her, even if he hated the idea of being replaced and kicked out and despised, he would not lie today. He would tell the truth, and he would be a good clanmate, even if it meant losing himself.

He took a breath and stepped into the den. "Hi." His throat was dry as he stared at her, his leader, his mom. He hadn't meant for it to go this long. "I think I know why I'm here. And I wanted to say that I'm sorry." In and out. And begin

"When I first started my apprenticeship, I didn't try. I was lazy and it reflected poorly upon myself and my character. As the moons went on, it became a habit, then a lifestyle. All was going well, so I didn't want to change. When I got taken to the twolegplace, last summer, I learned a lot, and while I still didn't ask for training or advice as I worked my way back, I know now that I had been wrong, though I don't know what power that may hold." Power that may hold? What was he, a thesaurus? That sounded fake, no matter how hard he was trying to say something meaningful, that just sounded stupid.

He swallowed fear before continuing. "That all sounds fake if I'm being honest. It isn't, I'm trying to tell the truth, it just isn't coming out right. Basically, in the six moons since my return. I've had a battle training lesson with Dapplebreeze and a hunting lesson with Peachfrost. I'm confident within the territory, and have officially been to each border. I was planning on having a second battle training lesson just in case, but never got around to it. Basically, I finished three moons ago, just the fire stopped me from my assessment."

But he had been stupid, he still was stupid, and he needed to make that clear. Three moons ago was still not within the time it was supposed to be, and he was trying to be transparent. No more excuses. "I understand if that's still not good enough and I apologize for being both a poor clanmate and a disgrace of a son. I will go, if that's what you decide is right." Did he want to leave? No. Did he want to scream and cry and yell and beg? Of course! Would he be doing that? No. He was trying to better, even if it was just a last-ditch failure of an effort for redemption.

[ IC he only needs a final assessment OOC he needs about 25 more posts and the assessment ]

@Moonraven