[Ashley/Kestrel]

May

Originally Posted by Lilly

(( ahh of course it is! c: i'm stealing that font btdubs i love it o.o ))

Hearing her name spoken by an unfamiliar voice, Cricketpaw turned her head, letting her blue gaze rest on the cat who had approached her. His scent smelled distinct and unfamiliar, entangled with pine needles and herbs. She put two and two together in her mind and realized that this must be ShadowClan's medicine cat. Geckoleaf had only just ran through the names quickly prior to the Gathering, and the young bengal racked her brain for this tom's name. "That's me," she responded, offering a shy smile towards the older cat. Her eyes lit up as the name came to her, and she scooted her body in a position where she was more so facing the tom, but still turned towards the Seastones and half listening to the other announcements being made. "You're ShadowClan's medicine cat, right? Kestrelberry?" she inquired, hoping she'd gotten the distinction right. He certainly didn't have an airy, breezy scent about him like most WindClan cats, and his fur wasn't thick with woodland scent like a ThunderClanners, so Cricketpaw assumed her chances were good.

At his praise, heat rose to her cheeks once more and she gave a shrug, looking down as her paw drew circles in the dirt before her. "I certainly hope so. I kind of have high expectations with my dad being leader and all," she mewed shyly, glancing up and over Kestrelberry's shoulder at Russetstar, who now stood behind the other leaders as they spoke. Tearing her gaze from her father's familiar face to Kestrelberry's new one, she blinked, seeing this as her chance to get to know the other medicine cats. "How long have you been ShadowClan's medicine cat?" she asked, going full forward with the assumption that he was, in fact, a member of ShadowClan. From the stories she heard, she had expected their medicine cat to be cold and harsh, but from what the young she-cat could tell, this tom was quite the opposite. He seemed warm and friendly. Yeah, it seemed like one might be able to upset him if pushed enough, but Cricketpaw got a good feeling from him just at first glance.

B) )

His pelt would reek of herbs for many, many moons. The rhythmic routine of pressing herbs onto seeping wounds with a stained paw would forever be etched in his memory and heart. Kestrelberry's auds twitched as he recalled the familiar rumble of his praise, eyes blank as he pictured the soft and proud smile of Bravestep- the rush of adrenaline he would always feel as his paws would work nimbly to preserve the faint beats of a dying heart. The former medicine cat would never feel that way ever again.
The words he had mumbled to Halestar before departing for the gathering never really processed in his mind. In his thoughts, he still felt like a medicine cat. He still felt like a hero- a hero that didn't fight villains, rather saved lives and healed others, just so he could see their vibrant being thrive, to see them smile.
Kestrelberry wouldn't ever be able to see someone thrive under his care like that again.
He had never felt so dull and lost in his life. Was this really the right path for him?
But maybe-
Maybe he didn't need that title he always heard to be a hero? Maybe he didn't need a label to save lives?
Kestrelberry was just so confused.
The tomcat's eyes refocused, confused for a moment as he blinked.
Oh thats right, he was at a gathering.
The former medicine cat gazed at Cricketpaw, the fresh scent of RiverClan settling on his tastebuds with a fishy tang, and he resisted the urge to wrinkle his nose. The scent of other Clans always came as a surprise to him. Kestrelberry's toes curled themselves into the earth as the molly confirmed her status, claws wiggling their way under the dirt's surface as he dug tiny craters into the soil, staining the fuzz that tufted around his claws as he worked his way into the dirt subconsciously. A swivel of his ears and a dip of his broad head, his eyes glittered as he rested them on Cricketpaw. A pained smile, and his voice rumbled from his throat. "O-Oh.. Well, I was. I resigned before ShadowClan departed for the gathering today." The former medicine cat seemed to shy away from her gaze slightly, paws shuffling as he shifted his weight onto his haunches in an effort to release his tense muscles. The role was just too stressful for him. He couldn't do it. He wasn't doing it. He was even taking long walks and "patrols" just so he could neglect his duties and live his life. Kestrelberry wanted to act his age and be young, but he already felt so old. His role was eating him from the inside. He could recall being confined to a cramped cage during the Evil Era, not even allowed to mutter a pained prayer to the stars.

As a warrior, he had a new beginning, sure. But would his life really ever be the same? He hated change. Hate was a strong word, but it was just the right word to describe how he felt towards the shift of tides. Lifting a paw, he gave a quick wipe at his eyes as he sighed. No, he wasn't crying. He never had the energy to do so anymore. Maybe he could wipe the exhaustion from his eyes. Maybe he could wipe all of the feelings that were displayed in his optics, maybe he could hide the heart he wore on his sleeve. The heart he threw around too carelessly. He cared too much, about the cats he took care of, the cats he barely talked to... He was just so clingy. Kestrelberry felt like an emo kid at this point.
Whiskers twitching as he rolled his shoulders in a shrug, waving a paw carelessly. "Uhh.. I dunno, honestly. I became medicine cat apprentice when I was 6 moons, obviously. I'm almost 17 moons now, so i've been taking care of cats for 10-11 moons now. As an actual medicine cat, 4-5 moons at best. I was struggling within the first moon of being medicine cat- Bravestep died soon after my ceremony." He had nearly spilled the fact he had never had a proper ceremony.
Did StarClan ever acknowledge his time as medicine cat?

"Many cats are going to mistake me as still medicine cat, I mean, my fur is going to smell of the same herbs for many, many moons. Perhaps even until the day I die. I kind of hope that i'll still smell like the plants and all that, its the smell I grew up with after all. Herbs have a strong scent, but you'll get used to it. You'll even grow to love its bitter scent and find comfort in it." He meowed. Kestrelberry offered a respectful dip of his head as he gazed down at the apprentice. "We'll probably run into each other more then once on the borders, seeing as I have to learn how to be a warrior now. If we do ever meet, I suppose I could help you with herbal medicine, and everything else about being medicine cat, such as tips and methods." His offer rolled off his tongue easily, hope glittering in dull, forest green orbs. Kestrelberry's voice was smooth, free of all of the stutter that fell from his lips minutes before. His voice was soft and suave, honey voice dripping with genuine curiosity and hope. "Not to be like... a second mentor, or anything. Just a helpful and friendly source. Its only if you want to, to be honest. Healing is my passion, and i'd be glad to help you in your studies in any way I can. I love medicine and all of its secrets, but the weight of carrying a job that was so heavily important in such a large Clan was just too much for me, y'know? I was so young and alone. At least you'll have Geckoleaf to guide you and be there for you for many, many moons. I can assure you that."