[spade]

Originally Posted by Ashley/Kestrel

May

B) )

His pelt would reek of herbs for many, many moons. The rhythmic routine of pressing herbs onto seeping wounds with a stained paw would forever be etched in his memory and heart. Kestrelberry's auds twitched as he recalled the familiar rumble of his praise, eyes blank as he pictured the soft and proud smile of Bravestep- the rush of adrenaline he would always feel as his paws would work nimbly to preserve the faint beats of a dying heart. The former medicine cat would never feel that way ever again.
The words he had mumbled to Halestar before departing for the gathering never really processed in his mind. In his thoughts, he still felt like a medicine cat. He still felt like a hero- a hero that didn't fight villains, rather saved lives and healed others, just so he could see their vibrant being thrive, to see them smile.
Kestrelberry wouldn't ever be able to see someone thrive under his care like that again.
He had never felt so dull and lost in his life. Was this really the right path for him?
But maybe-
Maybe he didn't need that title he always heard to be a hero? Maybe he didn't need a label to save lives?
Kestrelberry was just so confused.
The tomcat's eyes refocused, confused for a moment as he blinked.
Oh thats right, he was at a gathering.
The former medicine cat gazed at Cricketpaw, the fresh scent of RiverClan settling on his tastebuds with a fishy tang, and he resisted the urge to wrinkle his nose. The scent of other Clans always came as a surprise to him. Kestrelberry's toes curled themselves into the earth as the molly confirmed her status, claws wiggling their way under the dirt's surface as he dug tiny craters into the soil, staining the fuzz that tufted around his claws as he worked his way into the dirt subconsciously. A swivel of his ears and a dip of his broad head, his eyes glittered as he rested them on Cricketpaw. A pained smile, and his voice rumbled from his throat. "O-Oh.. Well, I was. I resigned before ShadowClan departed for the gathering today." The former medicine cat seemed to shy away from her gaze slightly, paws shuffling as he shifted his weight onto his haunches in an effort to release his tense muscles. The role was just too stressful for him. He couldn't do it. He wasn't doing it. He was even taking long walks and "patrols" just so he could neglect his duties and live his life. Kestrelberry wanted to act his age and be young, but he already felt so old. His role was eating him from the inside. He could recall being confined to a cramped cage during the Evil Era, not even allowed to mutter a pained prayer to the stars.

As a warrior, he had a new beginning, sure. But would his life really ever be the same? He hated change. Hate was a strong word, but it was just the right word to describe how he felt towards the shift of tides. Lifting a paw, he gave a quick wipe at his eyes as he sighed. No, he wasn't crying. He never had the energy to do so anymore. Maybe he could wipe the exhaustion from his eyes. Maybe he could wipe all of the feelings that were displayed in his optics, maybe he could hide the heart he wore on his sleeve. The heart he threw around too carelessly. He cared too much, about the cats he took care of, the cats he barely talked to... He was just so clingy. Kestrelberry felt like an emo kid at this point.
Whiskers twitching as he rolled his shoulders in a shrug, waving a paw carelessly. "Uhh.. I dunno, honestly. I became medicine cat apprentice when I was 6 moons, obviously. I'm almost 17 moons now, so i've been taking care of cats for 10-11 moons now. As an actual medicine cat, 4-5 moons at best. I was struggling within the first moon of being medicine cat- Bravestep died soon after my ceremony." He had nearly spilled the fact he had never had a proper ceremony.
Did StarClan ever acknowledge his time as medicine cat?

"Many cats are going to mistake me as still medicine cat, I mean, my fur is going to smell of the same herbs for many, many moons. Perhaps even until the day I die. I kind of hope that i'll still smell like the plants and all that, its the smell I grew up with after all. Herbs have a strong scent, but you'll get used to it. You'll even grow to love its bitter scent and find comfort in it." He meowed. Kestrelberry offered a respectful dip of his head as he gazed down at the apprentice. "We'll probably run into each other more then once on the borders, seeing as I have to learn how to be a warrior now. If we do ever meet, I suppose I could help you with herbal medicine, and everything else about being medicine cat, such as tips and methods." His offer rolled off his tongue easily, hope glittering in dull, forest green orbs. Kestrelberry's voice was smooth, free of all of the stutter that fell from his lips minutes before. His voice was soft and suave, honey voice dripping with genuine curiosity and hope. "Not to be like... a second mentor, or anything. Just a helpful and friendly source. Its only if you want to, to be honest. Healing is my passion, and i'd be glad to help you in your studies in any way I can. I love medicine and all of its secrets, but the weight of carrying a job that was so heavily important in such a large Clan was just too much for me, y'know? I was so young and alone. At least you'll have Geckoleaf to guide you and be there for you for many, many moons. I can assure you that."

At his kind words, Cricketpaw was almost taken aback. Sure, she knew that the warrior code was more so than not transparent for the medicine cats, as they were free to come and go across borders, with a purpose that is. They were the glue that held the Clans together, the friendly bridge that united them all under StarClan. The young Bengal smiled, tilting her head sideways a bit as she stared up at the former medicine cat. A soft ache founds it's way into her heart as she learned that he was the former medicine cat. But he's so young! What if Geckoleaf resigns too? she thought with a small flicker of panic. But she knew after the last conversation she had with her mentor that the RiverClan medicine cat would never abandon her. "I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure the Clan will still rely on you though. You've given many moons of service to them," she offered, her tone genuine and gaze sincere.

Her dark blue gaze lit up at the mention of him being a friendly source, and Cricketpaw instantly jumped at the offer. "Of course! I'd be honored. I want to try and learn all I can, so that I can make Geckoleaf and my dad proud of me." Sure, it might sound vain coming out the way it did, but all the young medicine cat apprentice wanted in life was to make her family proud. Her dad, for one, already had high expectations of her. There was a time when she had considered potentially following in his footsteps to become leader someday, but the world of medicine and StarClan had already won over her heart. A sudden thought occurred to her that made her blink. If Kestrelberry was no longer a medicine cat, did that mean she could be friendly in the same way as she was towards the other medicine cats? He would be a warrior on enemy territory, part of the Clan that she knew her dad had an ongoing rivalry with. A shiver passed through her, but she shook her head. "Maybe this could be the start to mending the bridge between our two Clans," she joked light-heartedly, although there was a serious note in the words she spoke; maybe she could do that. That would be a way to be useful; using her status to mend the bent relationship between RiverClan and ShadowClan. She'd be sure to get some alone time with her dad later to discuss it, and Geckoleaf to see if both of them could maybe... go into ShadowClan territory and offer a peace treaty? She had no experience with Halestar though, so the she-cat wasn't sure how well that would go over.