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Chapter 4: Darkpaw - Supermarket Flowers
Set about 7 days after Snailpounce’s Death, 6 days before Fallenpaw’s death, and 8 before Cinderblaze’s death.
Based on the song “Supermarket Flowers” by Ed Sheeran

I took the supermarket flowers from the windowsill
I threw the day-old tea from the cup
Packed up the photo album Matthew had made
Memories of a life that's been loved
Took the get well soon cards and stuffed animals
Poured the old ginger beer down the sink
Dad always told me, "Don't you cry when you're down"
But mum, there's a tear every time that I blink

Darkpaw had snuck out of camp and was currently holding some red flowers in his jaws as he made his way through the territory. On this occasion, his destination was Moonlit Grove.

It had taken a little bit of finesse to avoid the warriors in the clan and to sneak away from his few-day-old baby brothers and sister, but he managed it. There was something he had to do tonight.

Maneuvering his way through the territory, it didn’t take him too long to get there. Once there, the 8-moon-old apprentice made his way to a spot he had come to just a few days prior.

The spot that held his deceased mother.

His mother died while giving birth to his youngest siblings, a mere few sunrises ago, and he was here to properly pay his respects. That was his mom, y’know? And you only ever get one of those. It was only right that he’d come here bearing a proper tribute to the deceased queen.

Oh I'm in pieces, it's tearing me up, but I know
A heart that's broken is a heart that's been loved

Standing before the grave, Darkpaw just stared at the spot. Now that he was here, he didn’t want to be. He wanted to go back to camp. Just what was he thinking? Why had he come here?

Memories of his kithood and his mom watching over him and Fallenpaw playing, warning them not to be too rough with each other, or stray too far flashed through his mind. To think, he’d only been an apprentice for 2 moons and he just lost his mother.

Truth be told, Darkpaw was feeling a little bitter. Why was it that his mom had to die for some new kits when she was his mom first? For the past 8 moons, it was just him and Fallenpaw, but here they were, taking his mother from him. It wasn’t fair! It didn’t help that he didn’t even know who the father was, much like the situation with his own. Did she do that on purpose? Did she know that he’d want to get revenge against the cat that led this series of events to happen? Just why?

Setting the flowers down, Darkpaw backed up a couple of steps before sitting down on his haunches. Wait. Was he trembling? Just why was he shaking like this…?

It hurt. It hurt so very much.

So I'll sing Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
When I fell down you'd be there holding me up
Spread your wings as you go
And when God takes you back we'll say Hallelujah
You're home

It wasn’t long before Darkpaw found himself letting out a sniffling sob in front of the grave as he finally came to terms with what happened.

His mother. Was dead.

Over the last few days, he had been in a state of denial. He hadn’t personally buried the black and white queen, so he hadn’t actually seen her being put into the ground, but things were definitely different. He didn’t see her around camp, or where she should have been - in a nest with his newborn siblings, or even in the warrior’s den.

His mother was truly gone

The large apprentice sniffed hard. ”Mom… Can you hear me from down here?” he asked wonderingly, choking back another sob.

Fluffed the pillows, made the beds, stacked the chairs up
Folded your nightgowns neatly in a case
John says he'd drive then put his hand on my cheek
And wiped a tear from the side of my face
I hope that I see the world as you did 'cause I know
A life with love is a life that's been lived

Darkpaw believed in StarClan, which considering the environment he was in, was weird. Many of the cats in his clan since Dawnstar’s era believed in and worshipped the Darkforest, but he wasn’t one of them. The Darkforest was supposed to be a place where all the bad cats go, right? So why would he want to go there? It just didn’t make any sense to him.

The past few days, he had largely been numb. He poked his head into the nursery once or twice a day to check on his siblings but otherwise stayed holed up in the apprentice’s den. Though he wasn’t the most outgoing or friendly cat, he’d generally be doing something.

It was during these few days that his litter-sister, Fallenpaw had remained by his side. The two of them had been there during their mother’s final moments, getting the names of the kits before she left the world of the living. The two didn’t talk much, they never did nowadays, but just being in each other’s presence was more than enough. The words that they could not convey didn’t need to be spoken to get the point across. They were there for one another, neither wanting to look particularly weak in front of the other - they were both stubborn that way.

After a long time of silence, Darkpaw spoke again. ”The kits are fine mom, Fallenpaw and I will take care of them so don’t worry,” he said to the grave in front of him. His mother wasn’t actually there listening to him, but he hoped that up in StarClan she could hear his voice.

”I promise that we’ll take care of everything here. After all, you left them with two responsible older siblings,” the dark tabby said in an attempt to both make a joke, and reassure himself while quelling his own fears,

It wasn’t funny. All it did was make him feel worse.

So I'll sing Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
When I fell down you'd be there holding me up
Spread your wings as you go
And when God takes you back we'll say Hallelujah
You're home

”Mom… I hope you made it to StarClan alright…” he said, voice cracking. If she was indeed in StarClan, perhaps he’d see her again someday. All he had to do was wait. ”I’ll… I’ll make sure to keep up with my training. Food’s been a little short lately, but I’ll make sure I eat enough so that one day I can be a big, strong warrior you can be proud of,” he promised.

Darkpaw always wanted to be a warrior, ever since he was little. He thought that the cats who defended the clan were the absolute coolest and he wanted to be just like them when he grew up. It was like a dream come true when he was assigned to be Cinderblaze’s apprentice, however, lately the two of them hadn’t done too much training and he was seeing the deputy less and less. Well, he was sure everything would be fine on that end.

”Mom, please watch over us, okay? I… I don’t know what I’m going to do without you,” the tom said. ”I know we hadn’t been close the last few moons, I’m really sorry. I wanted to fix that, but hadn’t made the time,” he admitted reluctantly. ”Why… why did you have to leave us like this…? Strawberrykit, Vulturekit, Smokekit, and Smolderingkit are going to have to grow up without their real mother now… Why couldn’t you stay?” he demanded solemnly.

Not getting a response, of course, Darkpaw sat in silence after that. How much time passed? He wasn’t sure, but it took a long while for him to finally get up and leave.

Leaving the grave behind him as he made his way back to camp, the grieving son said a small prayer ”Oh StarClan, I ask that you bring my mother safely into your paws and allow her to watch us from her place in Silverpelt. Grant me the opportunity to be a good son and give me the strength to guide my younger siblings in these trying times.”

After a long walk back to camp, he pushed himself into the apprentice’s den and crawled into his nest. ’Goodbye, Mom. I love you’ he thought to himself as he drifted into a deep sleep.

Hallelujah
You were an angel in the shape of my mum
You got to see the person I have become
Spread your wings and I know
That when God took you back he said Hallelujah
You're home