[Dust]

Originally Posted by Charmer

It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault.

That's what she kept saying over and over. Shinefang numbly listened to her words, wanting to believe her and knowing somewhere in the deepest part of his heart that she hadn't wanted to go. But he couldn't accept that. His stomach lurched at the idea of simply accepting that something that had caused him so much pain could have just happened. No. He had fed the rage within himself for moons. It wasn't just him anymore, but a creature with a life of its own that he was in the habit of feeding. It had kept him warm during the cold winter night when he had slept alone in a nest. It had kept him company when he was lonely and missed her. It had accepted him when other cats had turned away from him and insisted that it was time he "moved on." His rage was his one true friend now, and it needed to be fed. Not even his former mate's tears could tame his rage, but his surviving love for her could turn that rage on something else, the cats he blamed more than anything. "Then tell me this, why did Starclan do this to me? Would it really have disturbed some grand important plan to let me grow up happily? To have my mother there to watch me become a warrior? To have kits with my mate and watch them grow up together?" The tom shuddered, the force of his anger making him quaver. He took a step forward, his voice cracking as he stepped closer to his mate and said, "Slatepelt... don't you hate them for doing this to me? To us? How can you stand to be here with these foxhearts?"

Ears pinned back against her skull, Slatepelt looked utterly defeated. Her eyes were trained on the ground in front of Shinefang's paws, rapidly darting back in forth in thought and as she held her breath. She was searching for something, anything to say, but found herself at a complete loss for words as he went on. Slatepelt shuffled her paws uncomfortably.

"Then tell me this, why did Starclan do this to me? Would it really have disturbed some grand important plan to let me grow up happily? To have my mother there to watch me become a warrior? To have kits with my mate and watch them grow up together?"

Keeping her head down, the starclan warrior turned her head away, her gaze filled with grief. She had no idea. She never wished any of this on her love, her best friend. How did it get this bad? How did it spiral so far that Shinefang was so resentful. No... This wasn't the cat she once knew. Of course, her love was just as strong, but Shinefang was no longer the carefree spirit she remembered him being and it caused her heart to ache. Slatepelt longed to slither back to the Skyclan camp with him, curl up in his nest and share her warmth, breathe the life and love back into his heart and lungs. Still keeping her gaze adverted, a warm gust of air blew through the clearing, causing her pelt to ripple with it. What was she supposed to say?

"Slatepelt... don't you hate them for doing this to me? To us? How can you stand to be here with these foxhearts?"

This caused Slatepelt to jerk her head towards Shinefang, her gaze intent as she slowly began to speak. She wanted so badly to snap at him for disrespecting their ancestors like that, but instead kept her voice level and smooth. "Sometimes... things happen that are out of our control... even Starclan." Slatepelt paused for a moment, wracking her brain for words before she continued, "I don't hate them, but I was bitter at first. Everyday I wished I could be with you, next to you and with our kits and our family. It just doesn't always work that way though. It's your destiny and I guess I couldn't be a part of it... It's just... Starclan's will and I have to respect that." Her gaze darkened, yellow orbs focused on Shinefang's face, searching for any sign of understanding.