[TheNyanCatMinecart]

(CLOSED!!!)

WARNING: This post contains internalized ableism. Please do not read it if this bothers you.

~ TWISTEDPAW OF WINDCLAN ~

Small, skinny, black she-cat with a light gray belly and tail-tip; has a crooked jaw, mangled tail, and one blind eye.

Placeholder ref sheet can be viewed here.

 

Twistedpaw sat in a corner of WindClan's new camp, her small body wedged between two dens. Shadows fell over her black pelt, concealing her. However, her ugly, bulging, light gray tail-tip stuck out like a beacon, hanging behind and between her extremely small ears. Oh, how I wish I could move it! she thought unhappily. As she had many times before, she put all her energy into her mangled tail, trying to angle it so it didn't stick out so obviously. Unsurprisingly, it didn't work. Her tail-tip and other bits twitched, but her tail stayed in place, hanging over and around her like a jagged branch growing out of a tree. Twistedpaw gave up with a small sigh. Why can't I just look normal? she wondered unhappily. Who was born with a tail like hers? Ashfeather. But she didn't know the other she-cat, who had died before she was born, and as Twistedpaw had determined, she was worse than whatever Ashfeather's conditions had been.

Still, Batglare's words rang in her mind about how her deformities made her unique and special, not hideous and monstrous. Twistedpaw so desperately wished to believe him, and her Clanmates had been so kind, but... I hurt my mother. I hurt my friends and family. I'm weak, and I take so long to train. I'm slow. Pathetic. Three moons had passed since Twistedpaw started her training, and she knew about half as much as the other apprentices her age. I want to be a warrior, and Batglare has made me believe I can be, she thought. A spark of hope and determination kindled in her heart, flashing warm and yellow. But I'm still ugly. I've still hurt other cats. I don't... I don't want to hurt anyone else.

She had friends, cats who loved her, but she'd known them since kithood. Well, except Cloverpaw and Batglare - though she wasn't sure if she could call him "loving" - but still. She was scared to make new friends. Batglare said she wouldn't be judged, so why had Willowsky and Flutteringkit hated her so much? Everyone was probably judging her, or at least, most cats were. The thought of interacting with Clanmates she barely knew made Twistedpaw shrink beneath her pelt. She could already feel their harsh, judgmental stares and hear their barbed comments. She understood why they acted the way they did - who wouldn't when presented with such a hideous, unnatural freak of nature? - but it still hurt. It made her scared. So, Twistedpaw resolved that she'd stick to cats she knew and hide from everyone else. She knew now that it was okay to be loved, but she wouldn't judge those who hated her, no matter how much it hurt. She deserved it. I'll have to talk to new cats eventually, especially if I want to be a warrior, she thought, her heart jolting. The idea made her scared, but... she'd have to do her best. I deserve their disgust. It hurt, but if she understood... why was she so scared of it? The words were nasty and hurtful but deserved.

So, as she'd done in the old camp, Twistedpaw stuck to the corners, dens, and shadows. Also, admittedly, she'd eaten less. She'd never quite managed Batglare's two-mice-a-day policy, but during the fire, her prey consumption had dropped. Her ribs were showing again beneath a weak frame, which was stronger than when she started out, but still delicate. The memory of the fire - the yellow and orange flames eating the grass, spreading across the moor faster than a running rabbit - made her shudder. There'd been the terrifying dash from camp; the attack from the Dusk Syndicate; the desperate search for a home; and the attack from the terrifying foxes. She shuddered. I'm glad WindClan has a new home, but it feels... different. She wished she could stay close to someone, but often, she preferred to be alone. She didn't want to annoy Batglare by hanging around him all the time, and she was sure he needed alone time. As for her friends, she couldn't be near them all the time, either. They were busy, and she didn't want to constantly burden them with her presence. Still, they were nice to talk to.

Twistedpaw stayed near the camp wall, trying not to think about the cliff waiting beyond the bramble wall, though she knew it was secure. I'll stay here for a while and see what my Clanmates are up to, she thought.

Suddenly, Twilightstar's meeting call sounded. Twistedpaw jumped out of her skin, landing awkwardly on four round paws. Her tail unbalanced her, so she listed to the side. She dug her paws in, using the little leg muscle she'd built up to steady herself. She righted much more easily than she had when she started out, that's for sure. But I still get unbalanced, and I'm weak. No normal cat would have to deal with this. The apprentice looked up at her leader, who sat atop the new Galewood. It was a grand tree, stretching so high up that it made Twistedpaw dizzy. Twilightstar's so brave, she thought admiringly, noting the leader's stern expression and bushed-out fur. She's scared, but she's courageous enough to address the Clan. Unlike Twistedpaw, who quailed at the thought of putting one paw on a tree. Or talking to other cats, really. Addressing a whole Clan... Her eyes widened in horror at the thought. I could never do that!

Pushing down the anxiety generated by her thoughts, Twistedpaw began to pad forward. She kept her head down, wishing her small, skinny frame didn't make her mangled tail stick out so much. Ugly. Ugly. Everyone must be looking at me... Her cheeks burned. All around her, Clanmates converged from the clearing or emerged out of dens, yawning, bounding, or limping from fire-related injuries. Despite her ducked head, she kept her crooked jaw tense, hoping it looked a little less terrible. Pressure seemed to build on her shoulders, forcing her down, but she kept moving. These are my Clanmates. Clanmates who probably hate me... Twistedpaw tried to ignore her nausea. Oh, StarClan, I should've stayed in the corner! But she wanted to sit somewhere among her Clanmates. Why? Was she using this as an excuse to get away from a corner, which was protected but unfamiliar? Okay, so the camp is making me a little nervous... We have a new place to stay, but great StarClan, I'm scared! It was all unfamiliar.

The black she-cat wanted to find a good spot close to the back but not completely detached from the others. Somewhere she wouldn't be noticed, but where she'd be with other cats. I've gone too far into the crowd, haven't I? With her ducked head and only one working eye, she couldn't see very well. It didn't help that her stomach was clenched, and her heart rate was beginning to increase as her mind focused on the proximity of her Clanmates. Twistedpaw had been forced to be close to her Clanmates during the fire, but she'd still stayed out of the way, mostly sticking to Batglare, Brightkit, and anyone else she was close to. Now that they were settled... She felt a tad more comfortable, but she was still scared of their hateful eyes and comments she knew were brewing in their heads.

Suddenly, she crashed into a soft surface. Twistedpaw stumbled back, stunned. What had she hit? She blinked, her bulging tail-tip twitching and crooked jaw swinging, and realized she'd bumped into a Clanmate. Horror clutched her with sharp claws, and the world spun. Stupid, stupid Twistedpaw! She wanted to run and hide shamefully in a corner, but her paws remained rooted to the grassy earth. All she could do was stare in mortification at the cat she'd collided with and wait for their furious words.