[Dark]

Darkfall

Shadow Fiend: Active | Beefed Up (T2)
___________

Truth be told, Darkfall wanted to make this quick, but he also wanted to visit the loved ones who found themselves laid to rest here. It was getting late and the lack of sleep was starting to catch up to him. With a yawn, the dark-pelted tabby made his way through the familiar path of the grove, marking his scent along the way.

First up was his mother. Heading over to the grave of the white and black tabby, Darkfall could already feel his paws growing heavy. Stars above, he still hated coming here. "Hey mom..." he said in a soft voice as he approached the spot that held the cat who had brought him into the world. "I just wanted to stop by again, and give you an update on how things are going." It was a shame, really. All this time had passed and he still couldn't shake the arkwardness [pun intended] that accompanied "talking' with his mother. Sitting down and resting his tail over his paws, he took a moment to collect his thoughts. "It's been a while, huh?" He asked rhetorically. He hadn't stopped by to see his mother the last time he came out here to talk with Fallenpaw over two moons ago, and quite honestly couldn't remember the last time that he did.

"I'm an enforcer now," He said proudly "I haven't done too much just yet, but I was able to climb my way up through the clan a little bit. Do you think I could become deputy next? Of course, not wishing anything bad on Vulturefang - as much as I dislike him, but perhaps in the future?" He wasn't quite sure what time had in store for him, but he had always aspired to become an enforcer and then eventually deputy. Perhaps with a bit more hard work, things would work out for him.

"There's some more things I'd like to tell you, but I still need to see Cinderblaze and Fallenpaw before I head back. I'll chat more the next time I stop by," he promised, rising to his paws. As he began to walk away, however, he turned his head over his shoulder one last time. "Oh, and mom? I hope... I hope that I can make you proud to call me your son." He said, voice trembling a little. With that, he began making his way to where the former deputy rested.

After a short walk, Darkfall found himself before the grave that his first mentor had been laid in. He patted the spot and took a seat next to it. "Hey there Cinderblaze, I'll keep this short because I know how much you dislike longwinded conversations," he said, a sad smile gracing his lips as he remembered his ever-serious mentor. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm an enforcer now." Taking a moment to smooth out his fur, he then spoke again "It's not quite as good as deputy, and I didn't really have to fight for it, but I hope that it's something that I can brag to you about when I get up there with you."

Oh Cinderblaze, the deputy that he had grown to look up to before his untimely death at the paws of some two-legs. "Oh, we also captured Sunkissed Creek. It took two attempts, but we did manage to wrestle it away from those treelickers - ah, that's something my second apprentice, Rufflepaw calls them," he said with a light-hearted chuckle. He hadn't intended to, but he ended up picking up the nickname for their rival clan from the young tom.

"I think... I was too soft on Moonpaw, maybe that's why she left. I hope using you as an example will help me do a better job with Rufflepaw and Cobwebpaw. They're both pretty clever in their own ways, I'm sure that they'll be wonderful warriors when they're older." That was right, the last time he came by was well before he had become a mentor of his own. He hoped that Cinderblaze was up there somewhere guiding him so that he wouldn't fail the two toms he was in charge of. Rising to his paws he pat the grave one last time. "I'm going to go see my sister now, I'll try to do a better job of stopping by and updating you."

Walking away, he began to make his way toward the last of his stops before he could head home.

As he approached the spot where he buried his sister all those moons ago, he couldn't help the wave of sadness that took over him. How could he have forgotten? It had been twelve moons since the deaths of these cats, he was just barely halfway through his training at the time. It was crazy to think about, leaf-fall had once been his favorite season, and now he despised it more than the others.

Laying down next to the grave, he sat in silence for a while. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk, he just felt there wasn't a need to do any more than enjoy the comforting feeling of "being in the presence" of his sister.

"Fallenpaw," he called softly, interrupting the quiet atmosphere "I'm back, just like I promised." The last time he had come here, it was just to see Fallenpaw. Before leaving, he had promised that he would come by more often, and though it was the second moon since then, he planned to keep that promise.

"When you died I promised that I'd become a good enough warrior for the both of us, do you remember?" The large tom asked, voice contorting with the pain of the memory. "Well, I managed to become an enforcer. Pretty cool right? Your big brother has a little bit to his name. 'Darkfall the enforcer' - has a nice ring to it don't ya think?" he said with a slight smile. He hadn't been able to keep all of his promises to her, but he was glad he was able to keep at least one.

His expression then soured as he thought about the next topic at hand. "Last time I was here, I talked about Larkfire. Do you remember?" he asked rhetorically. Of course she remembered, he spent the whole time he visited almost, just talking about the young queen. "Well, she's a mother now. Scared me half to death, but she is in fact a mother." he said, shaking his head slightly.

"I'll admit it. I was jealous - still am if I'm being truthful." He admitted with a bit of reluctance. "I don't know if I was too late or what, but it seems that she found a different tom while things were rocky between us. I don't blame her of course, but... I don't know... I can still be upset about it right?" Truth be told, he didn't have anyone else to blame but himself, and he knew that. Them falling apart, growing distant, not talking to each other, it was all his fault. Everything negative that had caused a rift to form between the two was a direct result of his refusal to stop being a little baby and talk about his feelings.

Well, what was done was done. He had to move forward.

"I still love her Fallenpaw... Seeing her there with her kits, surrounded by all of that blood, acting all... weird... It just... it felt like my heart was being torn in two." He said, squeezing his eyes shut at the memory. That had been a hellish experience, one he felt he could have done more for, but he was just glad that the amber-eyed enforcer survived the ordeal.

Loosing a deep breath he got to the part he hadn't wanted to acknowledge for the last few weeks. "One of her kits... a tom, was born dead..." A single tear rolled down the muscular tom's face as he recalled the mangled body of the young tom. "I think it's my fault... I killed him Fallenpaw, I killed her son." The tears were flowing more readily now, the sense of shame and remorse that he felt was just overpowering. "I thought things between us were getting better, that maybe I had a chance to make things right, to maybe win her back over. But now? There's no way. I messed up so bad Fallenpaw and I don't know what to do anymore," he cried.

A string of sobs rocked his body as he thought about it. He was okay with Larkfire hating him forever, hell, he would be fine if they never spoke again. But killing her son? That was something that would stick with him for the rest of his life. There wasn't a single thing that he felt he could do to atone for the sin of putting her in the position to get kicked by that fox so soon to her kitting. He caused it, he caused the death of one of her precious little ones.

"Fallenpaw... I've tried so hard - I'm trying so hard to be a big brother that you can be proud of, but I just can't do anything right!" he wailed "So what if I'm an enforcer now? I failed our brothers and sister, I failed mom, I failed Cinderblaze, I failed you, and I failed her. Fallenpaw, I KILLED her son! I can't even bear to look at my own reflection in the stream anymore! I've been trying to do a bit to help her out with Sleepykit here and there, but I still can't shake the guilt off. I don't deserve her, Fallenpaw, I'm nothing but bad luck!"

He hadn't intended for things to head in this direction when he came out here, but here he was, lamenting his failures and whining to the grave of a long-dead cat. He was honestly pathetic. Like actually. He had to get himself together, but how? There was no one else to talk about these things with. Larkfire was... that was a difficult situation to properly judge, and everyone else was just dead. He didn't even feel right talking to his mother's or old mentor's graves about these kinds of things. All he had was Fallenpaw.

After a while of crying in silence, Darkfall managed to get himself together. Oof, that was rough. He really needed to stop coming out here and bothering his sister with his life's problems.

Using a paw to wipe his face, he got up. "Oh wow, sorry about that little sis. I lost my cool for a moment," he said, with a bit of embarrassment. "Well, it's getting late and I should really head back. I'm going to try to sort things out properly with Larkfire, so I'll let you know how that goes next time I stop by," he told her "I'll see you in a bit. I hope that you'll be able to guide my paws going forward."

And with that, Darkfall left the small grave behind. He did one more sweep of the grove to ensure that it was well marked and there were no lurking outsiders about, and began the long trek home.