[Captain]

PIKESTAR

It took everything within the large dark-furred tomcat not to scoff at the mysterious molly’s wording. She claimed that they were already very respected, and quite a bit too, but it certainly did not feel that way. Pikestar saw how some cats looked at him, with disgust and shame that he of all cats was their clan leader. Those faces were firmly stuck in his brain and it soured his outlook for many moons. The thing about Pikestar was that they could be loved by dozens of clanmates, but if a couple openly disliked him, it bothered him greatly. It was a personality trait that he had gotten from his father, Walter, someone he detested with every bone in his body. The mighty Lord of the River needed everyone to like him, to love him, to respect him. The sheer possibility that he was disliked kept him awake every night, and Pikestar hated that about himself.

The core of who he was did not want to be that kind of cat though. He wanted to be a friendly, understanding individual that helped others and made a difference. At least, that is what Pikestar tried to tell himself. But in reality, he didn’t know who he truly was. He did not know who he wanted to be. The real honesty of it all is that he just wanted to be happy, to wake up and not hate his life. He felt sick and he didn't even truly know why. Pikestar found himself at a loss for words as she gave him options, but unable to answer to which one they wanted. The world was moving on without him, refusing to wait up for him. That was what his mother had always told him. And yet, all he could bare to do was stay there in silence, sitting still and feeling miserable. Pikestar wanted to cry, but they refused to. Not here, not now, not ever. They'll never break.

"Yes," He would answer her mention of Ivysnake, one of ShadowClan's medicine cats, as he stared solemnly at the ground, "I do know who she is, and what kind of cat she is, but I do not know much beyond the obvious." What's your point? The large oriental tomcat wanted to ask, but he held his tongue, still staring at the ground with this far-off, misty look in his eye. He wished he could be hugged right now, but this was not the kind of place for the affection he so desperately desired and they knew that well enough. Pikestar inhaled and then exhaled lowly.

[ @sol. ]