broken trust

[occultation]

( @taillow )

Fadingsun remained silent for a good long while as he and Dusklion went out into the territory. He wanted to be far from camp for this, far from prying and judgmental ears. He needed to speak to her, not just as a leader, but as a brother who felt betrayed.

Everything she said about caring for him as a brother must've been a lie. If she'd still loved him and trusted him as a sibling, she wouldn't have kept this secret from him. A secret that contributed to what could wind up being their Clan's destruction. Hurt made his heart twist; what had gone wrong in their relationship to cause this? Was she still jealous of his position? Had her apology been a lie?

Eventually, he stopped and turned toward her. There was anger in his eyes, yes, but underneath that was disappointment and grief. "I didn't want to believe Twilightstar," he said quietly. "You're my sister, Dusklion. The last thing I want is to believe that you ran off and murdered another Clan's deputy. But Twilightstar had no reason to lie. She's not an idiot; she wouldn't have made it this far as a leader if she was. She knows she doesn't need to lie about who's responsible for Fallownose's death to rile WindClan into attacking us. The fury in her tone as she accused you... it was genuine fury, not the kind of anger that someone has when they're creating a lie and have to make it seem convincing."

His time in power had given him a rather uncanny ability to tell when he was being lied to; not a single thing that Twilightstar said was a lie, aside from the border trespassing- but even that she'd believed in. Nothing about her demeanor, about how she said what she'd said, indicated that she knew her words to be dishonest.

"On top of that, you're reckless and battle-hungry. It isn't a far-fetch to assume you could've gotten entangled in some sort of conflict at the WindClan border. And even still; what would you suggest I say to the other Clans? That you're sorry? That it will be handled? Did you want me to claim Twilightstar was lying, even though I didn't believe she was? That would've only served to anger her more, and she's made it clear that RiverClan can do nothing to stop what's coming.

"Turns out, my intuition was right. You did kill him. I would've felt more inclined to defend you if you'd actually told me. But you kept it a secret. You kept it a secret, knowing that your actions could've been the tipping point for WindClan going to war with us. I don't believe that your actions alone were the deciding factor, but it certainly didn't help."

He shook his head. "To say I'm disappointed, to say that... I'm angry, is an understatement. You betrayed my trust by keeping this from me. I thought you meant it when you said that you still loved me as a brother, but your actions have me seriously questioning that. You could've come to me, you should have come to me. But you didn't. Were you just hoping that if you ignored it, it all would go away?

"Not only that, but you've betrayed your Clanmates' trust. I still want you as my deputy; you're a loyal, dedicated cat, and I can tell you're genuinely remorseful for what you did. But if you want to keep this position, you need to get your recklessness under control. You need to think before you act. You shouldn't be getting into border skirmishes with the other Clans, not unless they're crossing into our territory or stealing our prey. It only antagonizes them and gives them an opportunity to claim we're, yet again, the bad guys.

"You're a fantastic warrior, Dusklion, and a good deputy. Don't waste it making rash decisions. Your choices have an impact that's greater than me, greater than you. It's going to take time to earn your Clanmates' trust back, but you can do it."

He said nothing of earning his own trust back; at this point, he wasn't entirely certain if that was possible. Dusklion had made it clear through her choice that she no longer trusted him; if that was the case, then he didn't think he could trust her, either. She'd been harmfully secretive at best and deceptive at worst.

[taillow]

DUSKLION
she/her | riverclan deputy | 28 moons

So this was the fate worse than death. As her brother began to lay into her, Dusklion held his gaze with her own dull one. There was no fight left in her, not after how he'd made it perfectly clear just how much he still hated her. Whatever happened to the two young cats who had relied on each other for survival in the outskirts? She had been so certain that her and her brother would be there through thick and thin. But ever since their talk things had only gotten worse.

He had known her all his life, and had only known Twilightstar for the last couple season cycles. Even still, even if she had been lying... the fact that he hadn't said anything hurt. So right now she felt nothing. All of her grief and sorrow had been poured out already, and the deputy sat emotionless. "Good to know," she started, her voice rather scraggly from how much she had talked at the meeting, "that even if I'm in hot water, you'd just as soon turn to the cats who hate us then me." She didn't bother to hide the sneer, the way in which she was angry. To her this wasn't about Fallownose, or his death. This was about her brother... not caring. About her, about the Clan. None of it.

Her brother had always told her what to do, how to act, when to speak and when not to. It had flown when they were younger, but now a growl rumbled in the back of her throat. "Yeah, I messed up. I got angry 'n attacked a cat I probably shouldn't have. Never crossed the border to do it - if you even knew me at all, you'd know that. I know borders. I know where they are. I know not to cross them. Fallownose was on the border - excuse me for tellin' him to back off 'n attackin' him when he refused 'n got aggressive with me." Hurt. It hurt.

His praise only made her flatten her ears and illicit a scoff from her. "You're not doin' too good at leader yourself. Torture? What the hell was that, hmm? 'Make it slow 'n painful' - the next time you want a Clanmate dead, you do it with your own damn claws, coward." She wasn't about to sit her and be lectured by a cat who'd made mistakes just like her. "You're not the brother I knew. This cold, callous... angry cat. That's not who I knew you to be. Who'd insult 'n spit upon the entire Clan, even those who're tryin' to lift us up. I don't know if its the power goin' to your head or what, but you..." The word was on the tip of her tongue - several, actually. Pure disgust burned in her eyes as she stared back. It hurt to realize she didn't recognize the cat standing before her.

"Should've just handed me over at the gatherin' then. Clearly I'm not someone you care to protect anymore." A lash of her tail as she started to pace, claws digging up the ground as she turned and paced back the other way. "Bet you'll be real happy when enemy claws find my throat, huh? Maybe in this war, WindClan'll claim my life 'n you can get the life you've always wanted: one without me."

Then a thought came to her, purely out of the blue. It made her stop and snort, a half-smirk drawing up on her face. "You forgot some announcements at the gatherin', by the way, Mr. Self-Righteous leader. The apprentices 'n warriors who've trained hard. The wins RiverClan has had. Appleberry, who if you forgot tried to kill me 'n I had to be there to exile. Or did you secretly hope by not sayin' it, he'd join one of the other Clans 'n get a second chance at my life? Hmm? I bet that'd play perfectly into your wishes." That was... purely just out of spite.

[ Fadingsun - @occultation ]

[occultation]

( @taillow )

Dusklion's reminder of the way he'd lost control during Fogmuzzle's execution summoned disgust within him. He loathed the memory, more than any cat probably assumed. He'd vowed never again, but he doubted Dusklion would believe him. This version of Dusklion, at least.

Her accusation that he'd changed- for some reason that was the breeze that finally knocked the tree over. "Of course I've changed!" he snarled, rising to his paws. "If you haven't noticed, Dusklion, things haven't been sunshine and rainbows here. I've got warriors that keep pushing and antagonizing the other Clans again and again. I've got cats who think they know better than me about everything insulting me and starting arguments with me every time I make a decision. I have a war looming over my head, and the good likelihood that I'll be dead at another leader's claws in the next moon. I have to lead this Clan into the unknown, knowing that cats, good cats, are going to die and there's nothing that I can do about it."

He was shaking at this point, mostly from frustration but also from a little bit of fear. "I'm scared half to death, Dusklion. I have no clue what I'm doing, I'm in over my head, but still I have to figure it out somehow. I'm dealing with the fact that I've changed, that my morals have changed, and in ways I don't like and that I need to fix. Did you ever stop to think that maybe these changes aren't intentional? That maybe it would've been nice to have my own sister ask me how I am? I'm sorry that I haven't defended you enough, but frankly you haven't been there for me as a sister since our talk."

Fadingsun turned away from her for a moment, then back towards her. "I wake up every morning terrified that I'm going to lose control again like I did on top of that Floodstone. I want a Clan that respects ranks, I want a Clan that's orderly and that doesn't tolerate snide comments and insults towards higher ranks. I don't want a Clan that tortures cats. You don't recognize me? Well, I don't recognize me, either! Do you know how many times I've wracked myself with guilt over what I let Talonpaw do?"

He dug his claws into the ground. "Maybe there is more to it than just Twilightstar seeming believable. Maybe it's that I'm afraid of what I'm going to do if I start speaking out, if I start arguing with her or accusing her of lying. That I'll tell her that I don't care if her stupid deputy is dead, that if she tries to take revenge on you for it I'll take her other eye and shove it down her throat. That's the side of me that came out when Fogmuzzle died, and that's the side of me I don't want anything to do with. And it ended up coming out anyways at this meeting, so maybe it's all just pointless to try anyways."

He met her gaze then, the frustration dying from his eyes and being replaced by exhaustion. "You'd probably be a much better leader than me at this point. I know I acted cowardly at the Gathering. I know I'm not shaping up to be the leader you, and probably a lot of others, hoped I'd be. I know I'm failing you as a brother. I want to fix it, but I don't know how. Every time I try, I just make a mess of something else."

He fully expected her to tell him he was pathetic, a worthless loser of a brother that she didn't care about anymore. And frankly, he probably deserved it. Never in his life had he felt so defeated, so frustrated with himself, so sick of everything, so sick of living.

[taillow]

DUSKLION
she/her | riverclan deputy | 28 moons

His snarl and the way he rose to her paws... well, it drew satisfaction from her. Good, that meant her words had hurt. Dusklion hoped they pierced him like claws, hurt him the way he had hurt her. She wasn't entirely sure when it had changed - the desire to see her brother in pain. Perhaps his continuous lack of being there for her. Or the way she didn't even recognize him now. Her eyes remained narrowed, a scoff coming from her at his explanation. "That's called being a leader - suck it up. You're the one who stepped up in Birdsnow's place, you're the one who took that position. You could've easily just said no."

He could've just said no, and he could've let her step in. Yeah, she made some mistakes, but no one would ever catch her spitting venom at the entire Clan and lumping them together because of the mistakes of the few. If the roles were reversed and it had been Fades who'd killed, she would've leapt to his defense in a heart-beat, true or not. That was what family did for each other, or at least that's what they had done up until this leaf-bare, it seemed.

Then he revealed he was scared, and Dusklion blinked a couple times. There was a large part of her wanted to sneer, to unsheathe her claw and dig into the wound that was already there. Hurt engulfed her in unforgiving flames and their heat causing her to growl. His comment about her not having been there for him had her baring her fangs, hackles rising in defense. How in the world was she suppose to be there for someone so... so cold? So willing to torture and execute cats, so willing to force others to watch?? "If you think I'm gonna support this disgrace of a cat in front of me, then you've got bees in your stars-damned brain, Fades." She'd rather strip herself of her RiverClan status and join ThunderClan than support a tyrant.

Hot flames of anger only faltered when he brought up the gathering, and the real reason he hadn't defended her. It caused her to blink, unable to hide the surprise. The Rage part of her wanted to argue that it was too little, too late. Of course he would defend her here, where there were no eyes. Of course he would do it where the other leaders wouldn't laugh or scoff at him. She wasn't worth public defense, because it wasn't a defense her brother believed in.

The anger started to simmer though as he finished, and as hurt as Dusklion was all she saw before her was a side of her brother she hadn't seen since his ascension to power. The soft and kind side. The side that had saved her life countless times over, the side that had gotten her through some of her worst nights. Her expression struggled between one of disgust and concern, the sting of tears present but with none there to fall. Her mind was working on overdrive, yowling at her to slash at him with her words, rip into him with what the red-hot rage.

"You did." She wasn't going to apologize for agreeing with him; his blatant act of betrayal at the gathering wasn't something Dusklion was going to forget. His silence on the way back to camp wasn't something that a half-moon was going to just erase. It echoed in her mind every morning when she woke up, and was her lullaby every night as she tried (and failed) to sleep.

Despite all of this, Dusklion could feel an apology worming its way up her throat. It made her feel hot and uncomfortable and for the first time since being brought out her she had to drop her gaze. Past all of the defenses, past the anger and the rage, past the flickering spark of jealousy... she didn't want this. She didn't want the situation they were in now. She just wanted her brother back. The one who had vowed to protect her from the world. The one who had stayed by her side through everything - even in those situations that she herself had caused.

"...I've made mistakes too. I get it. What you're feelin'... it's what keeps me from sleepin' lately..." Venturing onto apology territory as the deputy shuffled her paws. Her tail lashed behind her in frustration. "You frustrate me, 'n piss me off, 'n sometimes I don't know what the hell has gotten into you; feelin' lost or not. You keep makin' these... these mouse-brained decisions that leave me wonderin' if there's somethin' going on that I don't know about - that you won't tell me about." The frustrated edge to her voice was clear as she finally lifted her gaze, but stared just over her brother's shoulder at the territory behind him, brows furrowed. "...But... stars dammit, you're my brother."

Fear. It was a powerful emotion, and it was one that Dusklion felt creeping up. With the moon sinking back into the side she knew that dawn would be here soon and with it the sun. Tears that had been stinging her eyes finally misted over as she brought her gaze towards her brother. Her maw was still twisted into a snarled frown but her eyes betrayed her grief. "...I wanted to tell you, 'bout Fallownose. After the gatherin' I was goin' to. I swear. I was still thinkin' of what to say, because you're right. I'm hot-headed 'n stubborn 'n reckless, 'n I don't always think before I act. He was just goin' on that we were no better than rogues, 'n outsiders... I have fought so hard - we have fought so hard to drop that part of ourselves since we joined. I'm tired of bein' looked at like an outsider." All she had wanted was to fit into RiverClan.

Oh great. Now the tears fell. She hated how easily she could cry when angered, how much her body wanted to just shut down. Dusklion stared at her brother, half of her wanting to just drop this whole conversation and start fresh and the other half wanting to get whatever had happened between them out in a spar so they could just move on. Exhaustion tugged at her though and she knew neither would be a viable option. "I need to know that the Fades I saw in the meetin', 'n the one at the gatherin'... isn't who you are now. I need to that my brother is still in there somewhere."

[ Fadingsun - @occultation ]