TW: PANIC ATTACKS, EXTREME ANXIETY, INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS - PLEASE READ WITH CAUTION
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The small apprentice was breaking down. She was breaking down. Silverpaw's life was crashing down around her. She was sitting on the shores of Lionsbeach, staring dully into the water lapping at her paws. She felt emotionless, empty, broken. No matter how many people were around her, she never ceased to feel... alone. Her friends were gone, she felt as if her sister was pulling away. She knew nothing of where anyone was. Tears flooding her eyes, she started digging her claws into the sand.
Leave. Leave the Clan. They don't want you.
A small voice in her head spoke. It was mean and telling her to leave her home. She felt panic clawing up her throat, tasting like bile and hate. She couldn't breathe all of a sudden, and Silverpaw found herself hyperventilating. Tears pouring down her face, Silverpaw started sobbing. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't see. Was this what a panic attack felt like? She didn't know and the silver-furred molly could barely think with how loud her thoughts were.
LEAVE THEY HATE YOU! LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE! FLINTFANG AND REEDWHISKER HATE YOU DISAPPEAR LIKE SHIMMERSTREAM DID DO IT
She let out a scream, piercing, bloodcurdling. She didn't stop until she ran out of breath, which once she had taken one, she started her scream again. She screamed at her reflection in the water. Everyone was a liar, lies, lies, lies, LIES! She put her paws over her head, digging her claws into her pelt. She cared little for the blood she was drawing, and just kept crying and screaming her feelings out. After what felt like ages, her crying reduced to sniffles and hiccups. She could barely breathe, her throat felt sore and raw. She buried her muzzle into her paws, feeling blood drip down her head and onto the ground. She lifted her head, staring at the first warriors of Silverpelt that were twinkling into existence. A cruel, hateful look twisted her face.
"I HATE YOU!" She screamed at the sky, voice hoarse. "I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU! WHY DID YOU TAKE MY MOMMA, MY SIBLING, MY FRIENDS?! I HATE YOU YOU AREN'T REAL! ANYONE WHO DOES IS A DAMNED FOOL!" She hated her ancestors for ignoring her prayers to them. She had no reason to believe in them if they were this cruel. Why was the world so cruel? What next, were they going to take her sister and brother away from her? Were they going to kill them next? Silverpaw didn't know if she could stop that from happening, what if it was like Momma's death, and she wasn't strong enough to pull them up. Why couldn't she be strong enough... why?
Silver skies | VA
