help, i'm still at the shoreline. [private - solo]

[taillow]

Thick smoke filled her lungs until she was almost certain that death would secure its unforgiving claws in her pelt and drag her into the ground. Paws drummed the forest floor and as the river was brought into her line of sight the silver spotted warrior could not be more thankful.

Splash!

Crossing the river would have been difficult if she wasn't so focused on survival, clawing her way up onto the other side of the bank. Hacking coughs sent trembles through her entire body as her fur already fluffed itself up in an attempt to dry herself already. Everything was hazy and the ground moved beneath her paws until she felt herself stagger sideways - the contents of her stomach being emptied into the damp undergrowth.

Reeling from what was happening and yet still to numb to process any of it, the warrior forced her head to lift up and her eyes to scour the burned woods. Even though she was removed, she was safe, she could still feel the flames as if they licked her paws, taunting and teasing her.

This was not how their story would end. She knew that. She had to know that - had to believe in that. Wild, crazed blue eyes continue to watch the dying trees, blood roaring in her ears and blocking out the yowls and cries of her Clanmates around her. She was faintly aware of her brother trying to tug her away while her sister was yapping about something.

They would break through any second. Any second now those two RiverClan cats would bring them back and they would be here and they would be a family again. No matter what grievances had befallen them - roots would rise up between the cracks to reinforce their foundation. Family was forever - family was what had driven her, all of these moons. Two steady pillars guiding her paw steps, acting as lighthouses whenever she was a ship lost at sea. Sharp claws disguised as jagged rocks could not - would not hurt her. They would come and they would be here and they would drive the darkness away.

...Even as the familiar golden pelt came through the wreckage of her home alone, she still held hope.
Even as the trees began to collapse, even as the smoke made seeing anything impossible.
Even as her mind accepted the truth while her heart snarled in denial.

His solemn look. Her searching gaze.

A voice familiar enough to break her heart whispered in her ear "...They're gone."

-

Startling herself awake, Cindersky sat up frantically in the meadow she had taken to resting in. Thoughts were jumbled as the fleeting nightmare started to fade away, leaving nothing more than wisps of its presence. Her chest heaved as she fought to reclaim her breath as her own, and she shook her head in a futile attempt to dislodge the anxiety that had begin to gnaw at her mind.

How long had it been since she'd thought of that terrible day? It was easy enough to recall, because it had shocked her. It had been the night that had implemented itself as a core memory tainted with the remembrance of what she had lost...

Getting to her paws and not giving anymore of her thoughts to the terrors that haunted her mind, the silver bengal made her way over to one of the nearby pools that were often used to look in on the living. As she always found herself doing, she looked into the fallen log where a certain strong leader had made her den. The sleeping form of the small cream and brown tabby brought a soft smile to her face. It stirred within her memories of a night, many many moons ago. Misted eyes blinked and released the small tears that fell into the sparkling puddle, creating small ripples in the water.

With her mission finished, the silver spotted leader turned to catch a soft voice at the entrance of the den. By the tone of it she suspected it to be that of a young apprentice, or even a kit - so when she made out the features of Bumblebreak surprised echoed in her gaze.

"Of course, Bumblebreak, come in."

Thinking back on it she couldn't recall what she had expected. All she remembered now was the look of raw emotion and the clear-as-day look of a cat fighting a battle within themselves.

"...I'm not a tom. I'm- I'm a she-cat."

It was out. A single tear was working its way down her cheek, and she was tensing visibly, bracing for a potential onslaught of denial... but it was out.

The news had been an initial shock - but it had lasted no longer than a split second before she remembered how her heart had warmed, unfurled and spread its arms to allow the then newly named warrior in. A solid foundation and a safe place to land. That was what she had wanted to be. That is what she had believed herself to be during this night. When the formidable leader who now slept in the had approached her as a cat who simply wanted others to see her for who she was. It was in that singular moment that the silver bengal realized that no matter what the future held for them both, Cindersky would always look to the younger as family. As a daughter. A cat who would forever hold a spot in her heart - a spot that had been hollow for far, far too long.

A soft smile settled onto her face and with a soft breath Cindersky allowed herself to conjure a cluster of daisies to settle near the nest - something for the leader to wake to. It was small, and she did not expect them to be recognized as the same daises that had been woven into the nest they had shared all those seasons ago. Memories were fickle like that, and she was not under the impression that the leader's coldness towards her would change soon, if ever. Perhaps it was similar to what her parents had experienced during the last time Cindersky had spoken to them. How she had yelled and berated them, claimed they didn't know her and how she wanted them to leave her alone.

...Had they felt like she did now? Had they still loved her? Been proud of her? Watched over her like this?

Suddenly the warmth of the moment disappeared and Cindersky stood, turning away from the pool and her gift and heading towards another spot. Her paws moved her quickly across the starry land and eventually the lush forest thinned out to reveal a small stream that cut through. As she approached it the ThunderClan ancestor searched the undergrowth, for two pelts that she had been without for far too long.

Perhaps in a different life, the ferns would have parted and she would've looked into the familiar eyes of her parents. Perhaps she would've cried and sobbed into their fur about how she was sorry for the words she'd said to them the last time they had been alive, and how she had done everything in her life to make them proud (stars, she hoped they were). Perhaps they would've pulled her into them, wrapped their paws around her and held her while she broke down.

But this wasn't a different life, and just like that day Cindersky was left alone on the shoreline, staring into a forest that would never provide her with what she sought.

"so pack up your car, put a hand on your heart, say whatever you feel, be wherever you are
we ain't angry at you, love. . . you're the greatest thing we've lost.

the birds will still sing, your folks will still fight, the boards will still creak, the leaves will still die
we ain't angry at you, love. we'll be waiting for you, love."