Reviewing Your OCs

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

Name: Dagger

Ooh, nice. It's a cool name for a rogue cat. I've probably seen it a couple of times before, though. 8/10

Gender: Female

Okay. Nothing wrong with that. 10/10

Clans/Affiliations: Kittypet/ Rouge

So, from a kittypet to a rogue? I haven't seen that a bunch lately. So, that's nice. 9/10

Ranks: Kittypet/ Rouge (she's one of those barn cats that technically belong to the farmer but have free reign and are mostly kept for pest control. No one would notice if she went missing)

Ooh, that's really interesting. 10/10

Age: 28 moons/ 6 moons when her mom died

Okay, but how about when she died? Or is that the 28 moons? If so, wow... she died young. And her mother died soon, too. 8/10

Appearance: very tall, slender she-cat with short glossy fur and long legs. She is a silver tabby. One of her eyes is blue and the other is amber. She has 2 scars on the side of her muzzle under her blue eye. I have a drawing of her in my album.

Ooh, I really love this design. I love the extra detail that you added to her. But... silver tabbies are really overused, even if it would work in this context. Heterchemia is nice; I haven't seen blue and amber together often. The scars are a nice extra touch. 8/10

Personality: Dagger was a young spunky genius with unpredictable mood swings. Her mother and brothers always knew there was something wrong with her. She didn't seem to show much empathy to strangers or friends. They taught her to behave and hide it. When they were 6 moons old their mom died. All the siblings were sad, including Dagger but soon she got over it once she realised she could do whatever she wanted without consequince. She started manipulating cats and playing mind games, messing with their lives until they became crazy or dead. She is charismatic, crazy, manipulative, intelligent, sarcastic but ocassionally tolerant with family.

For the most part, I do like this personality. The realization of being able to do what she wanted without parental control is interesting. But... she was only six moons old? That's, like, the age of a new apprentice. Well, then there was Scourge... but still. Also, you could probably add a flaw or two. 7/10

Backstory: Most of it is in personality. Moons ago, she met a young, handsome manipulative tom who was "mr popular" of the neighborhood- Hero. He became her rival and they started manipulating cats into conflict- like a cat chess game. Eventually dagger won and Hero saw all his friends leave him and cats killing each other because of their conflict. Hero was never eviland was disturbed by Dagger's cruelty- he never thought they'd cause so much damage. He became a traumatized wreck and is super scared of Dagger. Dagger has done a bunch of other evil stuff such as encouraging attack on the clans.

This reminds me a bit of my OC, Trap, which is funny. I also like the entire mind game stuff between her and Hero. But how did they become rivals? Didn't Hero know that manipulating others was bound to cause destruction? And is the whole point of the story is that Dagger is evil due to her manipulation ability and little control over her? How does she die? I have a lot of a questions, but this is definitely a good start. 6/10

Immediate Family: Lulu - white, blue eyed cat.
Unknown Rouge- gray, amber eyed tabby tom
Sidney- (Mentallyunstable), light gray and white blue eyed tom
Remi- dark gray amber eyed tabby

These descriptions make sense with their genetics. Why is the father an unknown rogue? Wouldn't you, as the character creator, know who he is? But otherwise, this is fine. Thanks for providing descriptions. 9/10

Mate and Kits: none

Makes sense. She doesn't seem like a mate and kits kind of cat. 10/10

Overall: she is an 85/100. She could just use some work on her backstory and personality, then she'd be all good. @Shadeleaf

[marshy]

@TheNyanCatMinecart

Alright, Thanks! Some clarification,

"I'm interested in why she's so scared of Sootflare, but I supposed that that will be explained. These personality traits fit well together. But you mentioned her becoming a leader... you didn't mention that above. And why would those traits disappear? Wouldn't becoming a leader make her even less confident? 9/10"
1. She's afraid of him because he seems overbearing to her. The few times she's spoken to him, she's messed up her words and the way he's responded to that kinda scared her and embarrassed her. And he's just overall bigger, stronger, and overall scary looking to her.
2. When put in a leader position, like leading a patrol, to make sure she doesn't mess up, she becomes very stoic and tries to clear her mind. She doesn't like doing it, cause its a bit draining. But she has to, to ensure little mistake.

"Aw, this is cute! Thanks for explaining the whole "apprenticed late" thing. Since you're still roleplaying, I won't judge you too harshly on this. One question: how did she lose her friends? With age/growing up? 9/10"
1. Just drifting apart, i forgot to mention that since she's gotten older, she has a tougher and tougher time making friends.

Hopes this clarifies some things! Thank you again! (i like this so much that i might end up doing this again but with a different oc)

[Shade.]

@TheNyanCatMinecart
Thank you! Just so you know, Dagger didn't die. It said to mark important events so I chose her mum dying. Dagger is alive and currently 28 moons old. Thanks again!

[The Kitty.]

judge me lol.
Name:: Magheera| Leopardbite

Gender:: feminine // she/her

Clans/Affiliations:: Loner | WindClan

Ranks:: Loner | Queen

Age:: 46 moons

Appearance:: Leopardbite is a huge, brawny, and stocky female cashmere cat. Her softly feathered shoulders are a dark shade of cinnamon, as is her sleek spotted overcoat, and gives off a rather bulky, stick-out impression with its evident bulkiness. Scattered loosely throughout the sinewy cashmere's glossy, thick coat is a pattern of glittery black spots; each of these spots are within another large, feathery spot. Leopardbite's long, sturdy legs are striped in dark tones of black and dark-brown. Her chest, as well, is striped and intricate with more of the round, unusual black spots. She has a thick, bushy and tapering striped tail. Leopardbite's eyes are a delicate yellow.

Personality:: prideful // introverted // crude // power-hungry // spiteful

Backstory:: Magheera started off life as a mere kittypet oftentimes neglected by her arrogant owners: they had purchased the beautiful cashmere simply to boost their ego. And so, quite evidently, Magheera one day escaped the twolegs huge, luxurious mansion. She eventually stumbled upon a tom whose name she had never gotten the chance to learn, and after a couple quick visits to rather rude loner, Magheera bore his kits, named Bark and Clover.
One day, Magheera made the decision to go out hunting for her kits. When she returned, she discovered two huge black crows had pecked the kittens to death.
Magheera to this day resists eating crows.
The cashmere had eventually made home in a cave; she would kill any foolishly trespassing Clan cats like it was nothing, and the pesky creatures still irk Magheera to this day.
After meeting a tom by the name of Barion [@TeamMilkBot] Magheera decided to follow the power-hungry rogue to WindClan, with the mute bengal kit Daisykit [@Sparkling Flower] she had found being looted by a rogue. She currently resides there as a queen by the name of Leopardbite, with a non-biological kit [@gs19215] whom she often neglects.

Immediate Family:: n/a.

Mate & Kits:: Clover [NPC]; Bark [NPC]; Daisykit; & Thornkit. Mates are Barion and unknown tom.

Mention:: @TheNyanCatMinecart

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

@Shadeleaf thanks! However, in the form, I did ask for a backstory from birth to death.

[sootsplashed]

Originally Posted by TheNyanCatMinecart

For @Sootsplash
Name: Creek/Creekkit/Creekpaw/Creekfoot/Creekstar (Leader of DuskClan, was a loner as a young kit)

Okay, this makes sense. I haven't seen the name Creekfoot very often, so that's nice. Creek- is a moderately used prefix while -foot is rather underused. Good job. 9/10

Gender: She-cat

Okay. Nothing wrong with that. 10/10

Clans/Affliations: Loner | Kit | Warrior Apprentice | Warrior | Deputy | Leader | StarClan (future)

This is cool. Leaders are a bit overused, but they're fine. You kinda combined two parts of the form, which would be ranked out of 20... so, he's of DuskClan? I've seen this name a bit before, but not a ton. 16/20

Age: Kit- 2 moons Apprentice- Six moons Warrior- 15 moons deputy- 25 moons leader- 29 moons

He joined a Clan around two moons, I'm guessing? Correct me if I'm wrong. Otherwise... 29 moons seems a bit young to be a leader. That's only a bit over two years. Maybe he'd be a bit older? 8/10

Appearance: Dappled gray she-cat with icy blue eyes

It's impossible for a cat to have blue eyes and no white fur, but hey, this is the Warriors world, so it's okay. The eye color is a bit overused, but I like the dappled gray fur. It's cute. Although this description is a bit plain... maybe add a small tweak or two? A scar, or maybe something else about their body? 7/10

Personality: Creekstar is a very kind soul to her own clan, but when you put her with another clan, she is as mean as can be. She especially hates her half-sister, Sleekstar.

This isn't a lot to go off of, but I like how she's really touchy about other Clans/doesn't like them. I don't see that a lot, so it's nice. Still, though, her personality could be fleshed out a lot more here. 6/10

Backstory: Creekstar was born to Rune, (loner) who decided her life would be better in the clans, where her father was. She gave the kits to different clans because she didn't want them to have similar lives. (She was a weirdo) Glow was put in SunClan, Creek in DuskClan, Sleek in MoonClan, and Bug in DawnClan. Bug died very young, while the others lived long enough to become warriors. Glowfall died a few days after her warrior ceremony, leaving only Creekfoot and Sleekice. They tried to be more close, but they failed, and became farther away. The leader at the time, Stonestar, had died and Lightspots (the deputy) became Lightstar, despite her old age. She chose Creekfoot as her deputy, and after a few moons, she died of greencought, leaving Creekfoot as deputy.

This is an okay backstory. Her father was a Clan cat; which Clan? Also, how come she and Sleekstar grew farther apart? As in, what did they do to each other? Did something go wrong? I mean, what exactly went wrong? And did Lightstar die from greencough all nine times? This is a pretty okay start, but it's not a lot. 6/10

Immediate family: Fogtail, father. Rune, mother. Glowfall, Sleekstar, sisters. Bugkit, brother

Okay, but what do they look like? 6/10

Mate and kits: None yet

Okay, that's fine. 10/10

Overall, this is a pretty good OC. You got 78/100. She could use a tiny bit of work on what she looks like and more on her backstory and personality.

I'll do everybody else's soon!

Okay, and I know about the blue eyes thing, some cats just have a bit of white around their eyes. I'll send you the kk now!

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

For @Arie

Name: Kit, Doekit, Monster, Doepaw, {Doetuft (Future)}

So, her parents didn't name her immediately? That's okay. And was she called "monster" due to her backstory? It seems a bit odd... was that an official name? As for the name, it's original and I like it. 8/10

Gender: Female

Okay, cool. 10/10

Clans/Affiliations: Thunderclan -> Shadowclan

So, she went from ThunderClan to ShadowClan? Okay. 10/10

Ranks: Kit, Apprentice, Warrior, Apprentice

Okay. It makes sense that she'd become an apprentice again for joining another Clan... but she'd become a warrior again in the future, right? It's okay if it's a bit repetitive. 9/10

Age: 6 moons for app ceremony, 11 for first warrior ceremony, demoted to apprentice again same day

Oh, oof. But wait... that's only five moons of training? Training normally takes six moons. 8/10

Appearance: Small brown tabby {Can be seen on her profile: Poof }

Okay, thanks for the visual. Brown tabbies are a bit plain, though. Maybe you could add some more details to her? It's cool that she's blind, though. 7/10

Personality: Can be seen on her profile in the link.

I really like her personality! It makes sense and it fits her well. 10/10

Backstory: This is also included in a word document on her link

You sent me this before, right? I read it again and it's a nice backstory, but... what happens in other times during her life? Like, later on, or are you still roleplaying it out? From the picture reference that you gave me, her pelt color seems normal... so why was her mother so irked about it? 6/10

Immediate Family: This too is in the character site but here is the basics
Sagefeather -> Biological mother
Deerstride -> Biological Father
Dovekit -> Biological sister
Flintspirit -> Adoptive Father

Okay, cool... but you didn't provide me with descriptions of what they looked like.... 6/10.

No mate or kits, I'm assuming. So, I'll rate this out of 90 because you left this bit blank.

Your overall score is: 74/90. This isn't too bad; I really like your OC. Her backstory could use a bit of touching up, and maybe a bit about her looks, but I do like most of the rest of her. She's cute.

[Astraea]

Name: broken-Kit | Broken-Paw | Broken-Claw | Annie

Gender: Female

Clans/Affiliations: Thunder-clan | Kitty-pet

Ranks: Kit | Apprentice| Warrior | Kitty-pet

Age: 6 moons = apprentice , 13 moons = warrior .. 18 moons = when she left the clans, currently shes about 20 moons

Appearance: Annie is an all white cat with a scar on her jaw and upper lip also on her eye , she has a pink collar with a bell on it.

Personality: A short tempered cat with a love for blood and shes mentally insane ..Annie likes to keep her ground. Annie moves with grace and likes to dodge her enemies to wear them out them she strikes and takes her enemies then rather than they have a fighting chance to land a blow on her

Backstory: Annie was a clan from when she born to when she was 5 moons into her warrior days . Thats when she left thunder-clan and her warrior name broken-claw.Shes not dead yet as you know but shes getting there.

Immediate Family:Mom~Unknown , Dad ~ Moon-whisper and black pelted cat with white dots all over his body making him look like a night sky, adoptive sibling ~ Mittens ~ Roo-roo hasnt done a description on mittens yet

Mate and Kits: N/A
@TheNyanCatMinecart

[TheNyanCatMinecart]

Name:: Magheera| Leopardbite

Did she instantly get the warrior name without becoming an apprentice first? That can happen in some instances, but it does seem a tad bit odd. Her original name is creative; I like it. The suffix -bite isn't used a lot, and although Leopard- is used a good amount, it's a cool name. 8/10

Gender:: feminine // she/her

Okay, cool. 10/10

Clans/Affiliations:: Loner | WindClan

I don't have too much of a problem with this. A loner joining WindClan seems fairly normal. 10/10

Ranks:: Loner | Queen

She goes right to being a queen? Is she a permanent queen? Otherwise, though,you don't see too many queens. I like her. 9/10

Age:: 46 moons

Was that her age when she joined the Clan? Her current age? Age at death? 6/10

Appearance:: Leopardbite is a huge, brawny, and stocky female cashmere cat. Her softly feathered shoulders are a dark shade of cinnamon, as is her sleek spotted overcoat, and gives off a rather bulky, stick-out impression with its evident bulkiness. Scattered loosely throughout the sinewy cashmere's glossy, thick coat is a pattern of glittery black spots; each of these spots are within another large, feathery spot. Leopardbite's long, sturdy legs are striped in dark tones of black and dark-brown. Her chest, as well, is striped and intricate with more of the round, unusual black spots. She has a thick, bushy and tapering striped tail. Leopardbite's eyes are a delicate yellow.


Ooh, I love the detail of this description! I don't have much to say about it; it's perfect! 10/10

Personality:: prideful // introverted // crude // power-hungry // spiteful

This is a really interesting personality, especially for a queen. However, she hardly has any good traits. Maybe add one or two of those? 8/10

Backstory:: Magheera started off life as a mere kittypet oftentimes neglected by her arrogant owners: they had purchased the beautiful cashmere simply to boost their ego. And so, quite evidently, Magheera one day escaped the twolegs huge, luxurious mansion. She eventually stumbled upon a tom whose name she had never gotten the chance to learn, and after a couple quick visits to rather rude loner, Magheera bore his kits, named Bark and Clover.
One day, Magheera made the decision to go out hunting for her kits. When she returned, she discovered two huge black crows had pecked the kittens to death.
Magheera to this day resists eating crows.
The cashmere had eventually made home in a cave; she would kill any foolishly trespassing Clan cats like it was nothing, and the pesky creatures still irk Magheera to this day.
After meeting a tom by the name of Barion [@TeamMilkBot] Magheera decided to follow the power-hungry rogue to WindClan, with the mute bengal kit Daisykit [@Sparkling Flower] she had found being looted by a rogue. She currently resides there as a queen by the name of Leopardbite, with a non-biological kit [@gs19215] whom she often neglects.

Oh, wow. Crows pecking a kit to death... gruesome. Wouldn't she have a reputation for killing Clan cats, though? Like, wouldn't they be wary of her, especially in the nursery? And you didn't explain why she was so bitter. Born naturally? Or did it have something to do with the death of her kits? This is a good backstory, though. 7/10

Immediate Family:: n/a.

Huh? She must have parents... as an author, maybe you'd know about who her parents were, even if she didn't? Sorry, but... 2/10

Mate & Kits:: Clover [NPC]; Bark [NPC]; Daisykit; & Thornkit. Mates are Barion and unknown tom.

Why is her other mate unknown? And what do they look like? 7/10

For her overall score, she is a 77/100. Some things about her personality, backstory, and family could be improved, but overall, she is a really interesting character! Just some tweaking and she'll be perfect.

@~Corruptedfate~

[Blitz]

Just so you know, I'll be constantly coming back to this and editing it. When i'm done I put a mention, and pay you, to notify you that it's done.

This is an OC, along with every other cat, that I've made outside of this role-play site. I plan on using these characters and the entire story for a web comic I'll make. So some of the rules and settings may seem unfamiliar or strange. Also, I only got so far as my OC becoming the leader, not till he died.

Please tell me if there is anything wrong with this as I'm editing it.

Name:
Snowkit | Snow (Loner) | Blizzardpaw | Blizzardfrost | BlizzardStar

Gender:
Male / Tom

Clans/Affiliations:
ThunderClan | Loner | ThunderClan (Again)

Ranks:
Kit | Loner | Apprentice | Warrior | Deputy | Leader

Age:
Kit/0-5 | Loner/ 5-6 | Apprentice/ 6-13 | Warrior/ 13-29 | Deputy 29-36 | Leader/ 36-(Still counting)

Appearance:
Blizzard (For short as using any of the prefixes will be a bit confusing) Is a white tom with multi colored eyes (Right is blue, left is green). He has patches of light gray that cover his entire back aswell.

Personality:
At first, Blizzardpaw is unsure of himself and a little insecure as he's looked down apon but this makes him try to prove his worth in the clan even more. By the time he received his warrior name, he would have grow into a more open, friendly, and cheerful cat. During the time he was deputy, he matures a little and learns how to lead and cooperate with others. Finally, as a leader Blizzardstar would mature a bit more and lose the cheerfulness but would also become a more calm, level headed, and understanding cat. After finding out about the truth of his heritage (as a warrior), he would lash-out towards those who insult his backstory or mother as he deeply cared for her.

Backstory:
Blizzardstar is the son of Icestar, previous leader of the one before Blizzardstar, and Cloverheart, a TC warrior who gave up his life protecting Icestar, which means their relationship was forbidden. When he was a kit, he was named Snowkit, later adopting the name Snow, and lived with a loner and his adopted siblings as he was kept secret from the clan. He would see his real mother every so often not knowing she was apart of a clan let alone what a clan was.

Immediate Family:
Mother/ Icestar (TC Leader)
Father/ Cloverheart (TC Warrior)
Littermates/ None

Adopted Mother/ Lily (Loner)
Adopted Siblings/ Birch, Pebble

Mate and Kits: