Missing (Woollyfeather VA)

[Abyssopelagic]

TW!!
This post includes: Medical procedures
Graphic depictions of emotional distress and depression, loss and abandonment, and sensory discomfort
Brief mistreatment of an animal
Overall distressing topics






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"Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
Maybe someday you'll look up
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one
"Isn't something missing?""


A soft clicking sound resonated in Woollyfeather's (..... Chandra's?? She couldn't remember which one was her real name anymore) ear as the humans that had captured her bent down, and a tasty smelling treat rested in their outstretched hand. She turned and approached slowly, nose twitching.
These damnable things were the closest to real prey she'd been able to get her paws on, and she lapped every one of them up with glee, as if she'd never had real food a day in her life. And she might as well have not, she barely touched the pellets they gave her as her staple rations.
Only eating enough to chase away the pangs of hunger, and to give her enough strength to regain the muscle she'd lost in her time trapped in this hell.


"You won't cry for my absence, I know
You forgot me long ago
Am I that unimportant?
Am I so insignificant?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"


She didn't even flinch when the other human carefully eased a hand under her belly and chest, slowly picking her from the ground once she was done licking up the little morsel from the first human. The feeling of her paws weightlessly floating on nothing as the world beneath her shifted, her perspective bringing her almost as tall as the being touching her no longer startled her. She'd grown to enjoy the vantage point it gave her above everything, and the feeling of touch soothed the part of her that desperately wanted company.
She didn't even complain when they walked her towards the silver webbing she had learned was called a cage. They'd even been nice enough to get her one that only had a webbed opening, it gave her a nice and dark spot to sit in, and they'd even put a blanket on the bottom for her to curl up upon. She simply let her claws sink into the fabric before tucking her body low to the ground, knowing that if she stood, she'd been knocked off balance. They'd done this enough times when her shoulder had been hurt, had taken her to have it be fixed that she hardly felt the flutters of anxiety in her chest when the carrier swayed, or when it was placed in the rumbling creature these humans called a car. Now, it was the closest thing she'd ever experience to the purr of an ally pressed to her side, a friend trying to comfort and ease her sorrows.
She could even ignore the way it moved around caused nausea to bubble up in her stomach. It was fine, as long as she could hear the constant thrum of its heart in her ears, feel those vibrations throughout her body, allowing her to pretend she had someone who loved her, someone who wished to ease her pain.
As the car rumbles on, taking her stars only knows where, she was struck with a nauseating realization, one that tears prick at the corners of her eyes, and her heart squeeze. She would never be coming home, would she? Would never see the outside world unless it was behind the glass pane of a window. She would never see her children again, never know what they sound like, never see them becomes apprentices, warriors, never see any of their firsts. They would forget she ever existed, whatever phantom memories would fade as her presence became nothing more than the brevity of blinking one's eye.
Her mind swirled with despair, and hurt, her stomach cramped as the measly contents of her meal that day threatened to come back up. She couldn't believe she'd been so stupid.
All those promises to free her had been nothing but empty words, and she still longed for a home that didn't care for her, didn't want her. Hawkbite had only sworn he would to make her stop bringing it up, to stop trying to seek him out. He was no better than Vulturefang.
In the end, at least Vulturefang hadn't given her a false hope.
She had to wonder when she'd become so complacent, so stupid as to believe anyone had ever, could ever care for her. She was the same naive, selfish little brat she'd been as an apprentice, thinking that she should come first in the lives of those she had decided should care for her. That she decided had to and should love her, when they'd never asked for the burden of her wants.


"Even though I'm the sacrifice
You won't try for me, not now
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me?"


She closed her eyes, trying to shut out the thoughts that were slowly becoming the truth of her situation, facts that she was beginning to simply accept. The car rumbled on, it's whirring purrs the only thing that kept her company, the only thing that soothed her anymore as the humans chattered in the front seat. She could almost make out the words that were slowly coming to make sense to her.
She picked out the word "claw", but nothing more, her mind too exhausted to try to decipher their nonsensical noise.
Before she knew it, the car was coming to hibernate with a final snarl, and she lifted her head, eyes wide as she stared at the door. Soon, it opened, and a face that was becoming familiar and soothing cooed sweetly at her as the feminine human reached for her carrier. She mewled a greeting to the human, knowing she wouldn't understand, but she appreciated that the human listened to her anyway, and gave her own warbled version of a meow in return.
The lights of the building were as blinding as they had always been, the intensity made her eyes burn. She buried her face beneath her paws to block out the sight, letting her folded ears keep tabs on the goings on of the room. Nearby, she heard the clacking of a dogs claws against marbled floors, and another, closer dog panting. At the counter, she heard the other human chatting to another of his kind. She heard her name, Chandra, pass between them before the one that had accompanied the human holding her crate returned to them. She heard the weight of their body resting in the chair behind her carrier.
It wasn't long before an unfamiliar voice called her name again, and her crate moved once again. The room she was brought into was one she'd grown used to the sight of, though the suited human was one of several she'd begun to recognize were in a rotation when she came in.
When the door was opened, she picked herself up and approached this human, knowing it would go by quicker if she behaved, as degrading as the process was.
The word "claw" came up again as she's poked and prodded. She zones out, so tired of the repeated process, and doesn't notice when her humans have left the room until she feels the nurse try to place her in her carrier again. Her head whips around, and she calls for her humans.
Where did they go? They'd never left her alone before. What was going on?
Her fur stood on end, and anxiety flooded her body. No, no, no!!
This wasn't how this was supposed to go!
Had they decided they didn't want her anymore? Did they abandon her too?
She shrieks when the nurse tugs at the back of her neck, forcing her compliance and stiking her to be alone in her crate, before carrying her into another room, and sticking her into another cage surrounded by other cats and dogs. The nauseating smell that came along with this place overwhelmed her sense, and she buried her face under her paws again.
She tried so hard not to wail in despair. They'd left her, they'd left her, they'd left her!!
A sob rises from the back of her throat, as she sat. She sat and she waited, because there was nothing left for her to do. There was nothing that a lost and unloved fool could do but sit, and await her fate.


"Can you stop the fire? (Please, please)
Can you stand to fight her? (Please, please)
You can't stop the fire (please, please)
You won't say the words (please, please)"


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"Please, please forgive me
But I won't be home again
I know what you do to yourself
I breathe deep and cry out
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?""


She almost screams when her cage is opened, and a figure clad in a blinding suit grabs her. Instead, she just cries, cries as their fingers dig into her flesh, and she feels the blood vessels beneath burst, and the blood begins to pool beneath her skin, a bruise no doubt would form like a disgusting flower under her fur. Thankfully never to be seen by her own eyes.
Her body freezes and she is picked up and brought to another, enclosed room, where more humans stand, clad in more stark garb. One of them grabs her hind leg, and stretches it out, something loud and buzzing coming to touch her leg. She tries to pull away when it touches her, the vibrations in her skin almost hurt. She turns her head and lets out a piercing wail at the sight of her fur falling away beneath the buzzing teeth of the device in the human's hand. Her muscles stiffen, and she tries even harder to pull away.
It was the last piece of dignity she had, the last thing to connect her to the name Woollyfeather, a name she was slowly forgetting with each passing day, a name that would mean nothing once even her fur was taken from her.


"Even though I'm the sacrifice
You won't try for me, not now
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't someone missing me?"


She didn't know when the device stopped touching her, didn't know when they'd stuck her with a thin tube, didn't know when the numbness had started to eat at the recesses of her mind, didn't know when her consciousness had faded into the worst sleep she'd ever have.
She doesn't know when she wakes up, back in her cage surrounded by so many other animals. But she does know that her paws are sore, and they feel wrong, incomplete somehow, and she doesn't know why. All she knows is that she's alone, that she's scared, and that she's not sure she wants to continue living.


"And if I bleed, I'll bleed
Knowing you don't care
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something?"


Each tentative press on her paws on the cage floor she takes feels like a burden. There's an ache, a persistent throbbing in her limbs, as if each second that passes her by is a reminder of the loss and abandonment she's endured throughout her whole life, and so so recently, all of it brought by those she swore she was supposed to be able to trust, that she thought should have loved her.
Amidst the physical pain, there's a deeper ache, an emptiness gnawing at her soul. She doesn't understand it, can't quite grasp the elusive whispers of longing that echo through her heart. Her paws, once nimble and sure, now feel foreign, disconnected from the essence of who she was once. It's as if a vital piece of her being has been torn away, leaving her adrift in a sea of uncertainty and despair.

And yet, in the midst of her solitude, there is fear. Fear of this unknown she has been forced into, fear of what could possibly lie ahead of her after this day, after the grueling torments she's endured, and perhaps, most terrifying of all, fear of facing it all alone, as she always had. The darkness of the room presses in around her, suffocating and relentless, its shadows dancing mockingly across her vision, as if taunting her with her own vulnerability and loneliness.
She stops breathing, the weight of her solitude bearing down upon her. Is this how her life would always be, how she was supposed to live the rest of her life? And just how much longer was that life going to be?
Or would she been forgotten by time as well, left to continue to rot and wither and decay, with no hope of an escape for her among her ancestors starry skies? Even if she did die, would her spirit ever find the hunting grounds of StarClan, or would she forever wander, alone and scared and in pain to the ends of time?


"Even though I'm the sacrifice
You won't try for me, not now
Though I'd die to know you love me
I'm all alone
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"