taking action and the accountability that comes with it [P]

[spade]

The last thing that raced through Kestrelstar's mind as the world faded out of view and folded into the dark abyss was Snakeheart.

His poor brother in bonds who would lose his mind at the sight of a motionless pelt. Not one to believe in StarClan and dismissing the possibility of Kestrelstar having more than his one given life, the russet furred tom would work tirelessly to heal wounds in vain, wounds that were already being worked on by whatever magic allowed him to die and come back to life again in the first place

To be honest, Kestrelstar himself still didn't quite understand it - but he didn't ask too many questions.

Rising to his paws, the gray tabby leader glanced at the fog shrouded scene below; Sparrowskip and Stormtalon working together to carry him, the muttered retort by the warriors. It brought a soft grin to the face of the fallen leader as he stood on the line between life and death. Stars blinked on one by one in his pelt - there weren't many, but all around him the world he'd entered was bathed in them.

"Hello?" A voice lined with exhaustion, regret, yet the small twinge of hope that perhaps his mother would visit him like last time. His heart ached to see her face, hear her voice - to seek council with her for what he should do next. When no answer came, gray ears folded back against his head as Kestrelstar's shoulders drooped.

Not for the first time since he'd become leader, he was overcome with the feeling that he was just too young for all of this. RiverClan deserved a leader who could predict what launching a raid of that scale would've done - to recognize and understand that despite the lies and fluff that Blossomclaw and the Dark Forest had been feeding him, RiverClan was not invincible.

Usually, he was released from the hold of StarClan - or whatever this... place was - and brought back into his body, but this time the process seemed to have stopped, halted in its tracks. Lifting his head once more, yellow eyes searched the starry fog that swirled around him, narrowing to try and get a better gauge on if anyone was approaching. "This is ridiculous," Kestrelstar muttered, feeling a prickle of annoyance as he found that his paws were rooted to the spot where he stood.

Who was keeping him here? And Why?

// @BILL.

[BEAR.]

It'd been some time since Brokenstar appeared in the dreams of the living. For the most part, he tried to keep out of the affairs of mortals and their whims, but he couldn't help but feel at least partially responsible for the events that led to this moment.

The demons that ran thick under Lionstorm's pelt were of his own creation, after all.

Of the cats he'd spoken to in the past, he attempted to keep it within his own Clan. Buckstar and Duskstar were two that came to mind, and all that amounted from those discussions were failure.

Going into this, he didn't have faith anything would change. He wasn't sure he wanted that to begin with. But he had questions. He had concerns. There--

Well, he'd get to that soon.

"What's ridiculous?"

Going into this, he was torn how to feel about the events that transpired, but he couldn't say he cared for Kestrelstar's apparent attitude.

"Is it the fact you murdered another Clan leader, or the fact you thought it was wise to poison his Clan-mates when they were already struggling to stay on their paws?" And then, "You're not going anywhere until you answer for your actions. RiverClan can wait a damn moment."

[ @spade ]

[spade]

Spinning around on his paws at the sound of an unfamiliar voice, Kestrelstar's yellow eyes were wide and filled with shock as they landed on the newcomer. This was a cat he'd never seen before, but the stars that littered their pelt confirmed that he was still in whatever limbo held onto leaders while they died.

"I did what I had to do to protect my Clan!" the gray tabby snarled in defense. A knee-jerk reaction, one that had become etched into Kestrelstar's mind since the day he had taken the mantle of leadership. Protect the Clan, whatever the cost. But what if the cost was now amounting to slain Clanmates?

That's why whoever this was, was here now... right?

A snort came from Kestrelstar as he lifted his head. He wouldn't allow himself to be scared by the spirits of dead cats - he knew what he had done and he stood by it. It had to be done. ThunderClan had pushed RiverClan to this - right? "Struggling or not, what they've done to RiverClan is inexcusable. The cats that waged their own personal wars on us, harming and even murderung us? What did you expect me to do?" Fur rose along his spine, and he fought to keep his claws from coming out.

Yellow eyes narrowed at the stranger, he still racked his mind to figure out exactly who he was - to no avail. Certainly not RiverClan, or else why would they be defending the actions of the fox-hearted cats that dared to call themselves warriors??

// @BILL.

[BEAR.]

"When does protecting your Clan include the senseless slaughter of apprentices?" Kestrelstar had better get his head screwed on right, before Brokenstar took a mallet to it. "We know what you've done, Kestrelstar. How does the end justify the means when it is paved in the blood of those uninvolved? When all you count is bodies, and not the lasting effects it leaves upon the leaving? You cannot complain they've murdered your own when you've done the same! Your cats were either killed in skirmishes or by predators, and yet somehow you think that warnings to an absentee leader and poisoning them is the solution." In his anger, he recognized Kestrelstar was not entirely at fault for Eveningstar's inaction, however, a more public warning addressed to the entirety of the Clan would have been a smarter move.

Brokenstar shook his head, heaving a sigh. "You're thinking with your heart, not your brain." Much like himself, but he knew his faults, a lesson learned over the course of many lifetimes - Kestrelstar did not have this self-awareness. Being on the sidelines, watching a Clan so dearly loved be punished for the actions of a few, it stung worse than any bite or scratch. Even in death, Brokenstar was fiercely protective of his own - even when he knew the punishment wasn't entirely uncalled for. He just.. was tired of the Clan struggling to keep any footing. It made him sick, anxious, like watching a flower without sunlight wilt overtime. What could he do, but watch and caution? It seemed regardless of how he went about things, ThunderClan paid for it.

(The longer time passed, the more he was convinced his mere presence was a curse. In his case, having children was a crime; one that resulted in the deaths of countless cats. He wondered how things would be different in another reality, one in which his son had never been born.)

"Your Clan has been hurt so you inflict that pain onto others, but in the end it has only caused more misery and suffering. Open up your eyes Kestrelstar; in revenge for your Clan-mates being murdered in petty skirmishes and by coyotes, you've poisoned a Clan already weaken by the actions of poor leadership and order. You've forced them into a position they may never recover from." He hoped Kestrelstar could be proud of himself, because there was no dignity in his actions. "You remind me of a cat I once knew .. and that thought is concerning. If you continue with rage blinding you, any semblance of honor within RiverClan will be lost. Is that what you desire?"

[ @spade ]

[spade]

♔ Kestrelstar

He tried really hard to not think of that night. It was written in stone, carved into the darkest corners of his minds - a place Kestrelstar tried to not visit often. Long forgotten during the waking hours, suppressed just enough to be kept at bay until night started to show. Only in the concealed shadows of his den did the leader dare to pull the thoughts out, one by one.

The three cats that he, Stormtalon, and Plumstorm had killed on ThunderClan territory. Unknown to him at the time, they had been apprentices. (Would it have mattered if he knew?). Slaughtered on their territory. Kestrelstar’s head was so clogged with dark, thick poison he wasn’t sure if they had been involved or not.

”What about the lasting effects that their actions have had on us? I never asked to lead! I thought I’d have the guidance of one of RiverClan’s greatest leaders but they took him from us. How was I suppose to know that Eveningstar had abandoned his Clan?? You expect me to march into ThunderClan’s camp directly to warn them?” Head pounding, heart racing. His throat felt sore and scratchy, but the tabby ignored it for now.

His blood was boiling. Desperation clawed at his heart as yellow eyes remained wide, wild. Ears twitched as they listened to Brokenstar continue. Part of him, a small sliver that still remained to fight against the overwhelming shadows, really wanted to hear the words he spoke. It wasn’t the solution... but then what was? His back was against a wall and all his life Kestrelstar had been taught to protect himself. Protect his heart, his Clan, his family... he hadn’t been able to save his mother that day, but he’d be damned if he would let the same thing happen to her home.

”No! I just want - I just... What’s best for RiverClan. I don’t care about anything else!” A small crack at the end. He felt the strings in his mind snapping one by one as claws came out, creating indentations in the soft soil under paw. A slight panic set his heart off, catapulting it straight to his throat. ”Why should I be held responsible for a Clan that can’t even keep it’s leaders long enough to - to-“ He broke off, coughing a bit. The rage was infuriating. His mind felt like it was one fire.

Fixing Brokenstar with a fiery glare, he added, ”I’ve lost so much.. I won’t allow RiverClan to be taken from me, too.” The pain. Suddenly, memories flashed before him. A familiar, soft gray pelt. Warm yellow eyes. A cat he couldn’t save... ”I can’t lose her home. No matter what the costs, RiverClan will not fall.” Softer now, weaker. Barely above a whisper.

// @BILL.