ThunderClan: Life Before 2020's Fire

[lone]

Originally Posted by Random Melody

"I don't mind at all," Snowstar said softly. She took a few more careful steps into the den before settling down, curling her black tail around her paws and focusing on the young medicine cat. She was silent for a long moment, thinking of what to say. "Have you been... Doing well?" She finally meowed, her voice careful, her gaze full of compassion as she studied Caliapaw carefully. "This all must be quite hard on you." She sighed warily, shifting her paws a little and letting her gaze flicker around the den. Yes, it must be hard on the young cat. To be suddenly thrown into this. Becoming medicine cat apprentice and then having her mentor die and then suddenly, Caliapaw was the medicine cat. Suddenly she had to worry about herbs and sick or injured cats and whatever it was medicine cats had to worry about. She didn't know exactly how hard it was, but she assumed it was quite hard. But that was okay - She would try to help the young medicine cat. Just to be there if she needed something, or needed to talk. That's what Snowstar did best, after all, was just be there. Help other cats. That's what she did. That's what she loved to do. So she would be there for Caliapaw, as well.

The feline avoided making eye contact with Snowstar, instead looking down at her paws or around at the herbs, most of which were neat and appeared not to need sorting. There were a few stray herbs that the medicine cat quickly placed, her eyes scanning over the many plants in their selected areas before she answered the leader. "I've been fine. I'm still alive - getting along day by day. I won't deny it's been hard, though. There's a lot to keep up with." She carefully sidestepped the emotional heartache confession, hoping that the Siamese wouldn't inquire further on that. She honestly wasn't quite sure how to talk to Snowstar. Was this a casual talk, a "checking in on you" talk, should she give Snowstar a checkup? Make sure that everything was working okay? Her eyes were already flitting over the leader... almost out of habit, she was checking her for any still open wounds. As far as she could tell, everything had scarred up nicely... and at the moment, Caliapaw couldn't scent any infection. Then again, she was distracted at the same time, her full focus not on checking on Snowstar. If she did find something wrong, she would certainly urge the she cat to rest and take care of herself, however. Her eyes returned to Snowstar and she gave a forced smile. At the moment, Caliapaw was forcing just about everything she did. It wasn't coming easily... if at all. "What about you? Are you taking some time to relax? Too much stress could lead to problems..." The medicine cat's voice trailed off, and she stopped like she wasn't sure of herself. Stress could lead to problems, but relaxing might not help cure that stress, it could make it worse - or had she gotten that right? Either way, she was pretty sure Snowstar needed to relax, or she would end up in the medicine cat's den with a headache or stomachache or something else. Stress could cause headaches and stomachaches, she was fairly sure.

[Random Melody]

Originally Posted by Lonestar23

The feline avoided making eye contact with Snowstar, instead looking down at her paws or around at the herbs, most of which were neat and appeared not to need sorting. There were a few stray herbs that the medicine cat quickly placed, her eyes scanning over the many plants in their selected areas before she answered the leader. "I've been fine. I'm still alive - getting along day by day. I won't deny it's been hard, though. There's a lot to keep up with." She carefully sidestepped the emotional heartache confession, hoping that the Siamese wouldn't inquire further on that. She honestly wasn't quite sure how to talk to Snowstar. Was this a casual talk, a "checking in on you" talk, should she give Snowstar a checkup? Make sure that everything was working okay? Her eyes were already flitting over the leader... almost out of habit, she was checking her for any still open wounds. As far as she could tell, everything had scarred up nicely... and at the moment, Caliapaw couldn't scent any infection. Then again, she was distracted at the same time, her full focus not on checking on Snowstar. If she did find something wrong, she would certainly urge the she cat to rest and take care of herself, however. Her eyes returned to Snowstar and she gave a forced smile. At the moment, Caliapaw was forcing just about everything she did. It wasn't coming easily... if at all. "What about you? Are you taking some time to relax? Too much stress could lead to problems..." The medicine cat's voice trailed off, and she stopped like she wasn't sure of herself. Stress could lead to problems, but relaxing might not help cure that stress, it could make it worse - or had she gotten that right? Either way, she was pretty sure Snowstar needed to relax, or she would end up in the medicine cat's den with a headache or stomachache or something else. Stress could cause headaches and stomachaches, she was fairly sure.

"I'm sure." Snowstar nodded at Caliapaw's answer, understanding very well that the medicine cat didn't want to talk about any emotional stuff. That was fair - She'd open up in her own time. It wasn't good to keep things bottled up, though, so she did hope Caliapaw had someone to talk to, if not Snowstar herself. The Siamese noticed the young cat looking her over, as if checking for injuries, and a small smile tugged at her maw despite herself. Of course, she was fine - Scars from the gathering were healing up great. She wondered whether to tell Caliapaw she'd lost a life - Was that something the medicine cat needed to know? Maybe not right now, She decided. Caliapaw has other things to worry about. One less life isn't that important. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, just in time to hear Caliapaw's questioning. Her ice blue eyes flickered around the den before she looked at the medicine cat again, nodding slightly. "Ah, yes, I know." She sighed, tail tip twitching back and forth. "It's hard to find some time to relax lately, though. With WindClan.." She trailed off and shook her head before she could get too lost in thought again. This wasn't a time to talk about WindClan, this was time to just talk to Caliapaw. Get to know the medicine cat... Make sure she was coping well. "Well, anyway. I hope you're not stressing yourself out, either," She added, frowning at the young medicine cat in concern. "I know you've got a lot of responsibility on your paws now, but still, as you said, stress can lead to problems."

[lone]

Originally Posted by Random Melody

"I'm sure." Snowstar nodded at Caliapaw's answer, understanding very well that the medicine cat didn't want to talk about any emotional stuff. That was fair - She'd open up in her own time. It wasn't good to keep things bottled up, though, so she did hope Caliapaw had someone to talk to, if not Snowstar herself. The Siamese noticed the young cat looking her over, as if checking for injuries, and a small smile tugged at her maw despite herself. Of course, she was fine - Scars from the gathering were healing up great. She wondered whether to tell Caliapaw she'd lost a life - Was that something the medicine cat needed to know? Maybe not right now, She decided. Caliapaw has other things to worry about. One less life isn't that important. She shook her head to clear her thoughts, just in time to hear Caliapaw's questioning. Her ice blue eyes flickered around the den before she looked at the medicine cat again, nodding slightly. "Ah, yes, I know." She sighed, tail tip twitching back and forth. "It's hard to find some time to relax lately, though. With WindClan.." She trailed off and shook her head before she could get too lost in thought again. This wasn't a time to talk about WindClan, this was time to just talk to Caliapaw. Get to know the medicine cat... Make sure she was coping well. "Well, anyway. I hope you're not stressing yourself out, either," She added, frowning at the young medicine cat in concern. "I know you've got a lot of responsibility on your paws now, but still, as you said, stress can lead to problems."

Caliapaw's ears twitched foward as the young leader began talking, but they fell back to their original position when her sentence trailed off. Too bad - she had been curious about what was going on with WindClan. Lately, Caliapaw hadn't been up to... gossiping. She'd been fine with a pleasant conversation, but she wasn't up to date on the latest about the tensions, and she definitely wasn't up to date on the latest about her friends' lives. She'd barely spent time with her family lately, let alone her friends! Caliapaw's eyes softened as Snowstar continued, and she nodded like she understood. "Yes, Snowstar. I'll be careful not to stress myself out." I'm not stressing myself out, this job is stressing me out. She knew it was carefully worded so that she would avoid that type of thing.

Caliapaw wasn't in the mood for an honest heart-to-heart about her problems right now, and only telling part of the truth was not going to help anything. Besides, she had been careful to regulate herself so that she wouldn't get so stressed she got sick. She could calm herself down, it just took a while. Though she had had a stomachache recently, it most likely came as a result from not eating (which the young medicine cat knew was bad, she was working on it) and she hadn't had to use any of the herbs on herself. Until newleaf and greenleaf, when new herbs would be more abundant, the medicine cat was determined to keep herself out of trouble. Just in case. "There's just... one thing I would like to know." With a swallow that burned her throat, and made her feel like she was going to cry, Caliapaw took a deep breath and continued.

"Were you there when, um... when Wheatfur... did you see him die?" Saying the words out loud had a harder blow then the she cat had thought. Carefully guarding her expression, she looked at Snowstar with the same expression she had when the leader had first entered the den - sort of blank, drained and tired, but with an amount of professionalism to it. Part of her wanted Snowstar to say no, the other part wanted her to say yes. Either way - she would win and lose.

[Random Melody]

Originally Posted by Lonestar23

Caliapaw's ears twitched foward as the young leader began talking, but they fell back to their original position when her sentence trailed off. Too bad - she had been curious about what was going on with WindClan. Lately, Caliapaw hadn't been up to... gossiping. She'd been fine with a pleasant conversation, but she wasn't up to date on the latest about the tensions, and she definitely wasn't up to date on the latest about her friends' lives. She'd barely spent time with her family lately, let alone her friends! Caliapaw's eyes softened as Snowstar continued, and she nodded like she understood. "Yes, Snowstar. I'll be careful not to stress myself out." I'm not stressing myself out, this job is stressing me out. She knew it was carefully worded so that she would avoid that type of thing.

Caliapaw wasn't in the mood for an honest heart-to-heart about her problems right now, and only telling part of the truth was not going to help anything. Besides, she had been careful to regulate herself so that she wouldn't get so stressed she got sick. She could calm herself down, it just took a while. Though she had had a stomachache recently, it most likely came as a result from not eating (which the young medicine cat knew was bad, she was working on it) and she hadn't had to use any of the herbs on herself. Until newleaf and greenleaf, when new herbs would be more abundant, the medicine cat was determined to keep herself out of trouble. Just in case. "There's just... one thing I would like to know." With a swallow that burned her throat, and made her feel like she was going to cry, Caliapaw took a deep breath and continued.

"Were you there when, um... when Wheatfur... did you see him die?" Saying the words out loud had a harder blow then the she cat had thought. Carefully guarding her expression, she looked at Snowstar with the same expression she had when the leader had first entered the den - sort of blank, drained and tired, but with an amount of professionalism to it. Part of her wanted Snowstar to say no, the other part wanted her to say yes. Either way - she would win and lose.

Snowstar nodded slightly as the young medicine cat spoke, gazing at her through soft ice blue eyes. After a moment of thinking, she spoke up again. "I know that this job can be stressful, kiddo. I mean, not from experience, but still, I know. And I want you to know, if there's anything you ever need, I'm always willing to help out however I can." She said solemnly, holding Caliapaw's gaze. While since she'd taken on her leadership duties she'd had to be a bit more serious than before, it was still quite rare to see her this serious. Still, she meant what she said - She'd help out the young medicine cat in any way she could. Caliapaw was just so young for such pressure, such weight on her shoulders. Perhaps Snowstar could help to lift some of that weight. Even just a little.

She fell silent now, watching the young cat. So young and supposed to be full of life, but Caliapaw just looked tired and guarded. Snowstar didn't like it. She didn't like it at all. It sent pain through her heart, chest tightening up. Because Caliapaw wasn't supposed to be worrying about her Clanmates like this. Wasn't supposed to have this kind of pressure on her. She was just so young. She wasn't supposed to know this kind of responsibility, wasn't supposed to have to have it all shoved at her like this. Shouldn't have that look in her eyes, a look too mature for a young cat. This wasn't what the apprentice had signed up for, was it? Wheatfur was supposed to be training her, supposed to be teaching her, and they were supposed to be sharing the responsibility until Caliapaw was ready to take it on by herself. But Wheatfur was dead. Dead thanks to that stupid gathering battle. To those stupid Dusk Syndicate cats. Snowstar felt an unexpected rush of hatred that shocked her to the core, but not enough to stop the feeling. Hatred for those cats that had taken away so much from her Clan. Those cats that had killed her medicine cat. Those cats that had, by doing so, thrown an unsuspecting young cat into a position where she pretty much had the weight of the whole Clan on her shoulders. And it wasn't fair, was it? Yeah, Snowstar absolutely hated those rotten cats and she'd never hated anything or anyone in her life. Not even WindClan. But she hated this, hated that Caliapaw was stressing over something she most certainly should not have to be stressing about. Hated the cats responsible for taking away the young medicine cat's mentor.

The Siamese took in a deep breath and paused when she heard Caliapaw speak up again. She nodded for the young medicine cat to go on, and ask her question, and she visibly froze when Caliapaw finally got it out. When Wheatfur... Did you see him die? The words stunned her for a long moment, and she thought back to the battle. The screams and yowls of the cats around, the blood... "No." She finally managed to reply, her voice quieter than before. "No, I didn't." She hadn't known Wheatfur was dead until after the battle had ended, after everything had calmed down a bit. Thinking about it now, the hatred for the former Syndicate cats turned into pain and grief for the loss of the medicine cat.

[Queenie]

@NightWarrior4Life

Leafstorm padded into the clearing he was kind of drained from the afternoon. The prey he had caught hung from his maw limp and dead, ready to be eaten by the clan. Pride swelled in heart as he stared around the camp even though he was often cold towards the members he still felt a sense of protectiveness over the clan. He looked behind him glad Crimsonflame had showed some submissiveness and let him lead her home. Although he wasn't quite sure why she wanted to stay with him any longer than their interactions in the forests. He wondered intently as he stared at her why she had showed him so much kindness when he had showed her zero.

[NightWarrior4Life]

Originally Posted by Queenie

@NightWarrior4Life

Leafstorm padded into the clearing he was kind of drained from the afternoon. The prey he had caught hung from his maw limp and dead, ready to be eaten by the clan. Pride swelled in heart as he stared around the camp even though he was often cold towards the members he still felt a sense of protectiveness over the clan. He looked behind him glad Crimsonflame had showed some submissiveness and let him lead her home. Although he wasn't quite sure why she wanted to stay with him any longer than their interactions in the forests. He wondered intently as he stared at her why she had showed him so much kindness when he had showed her zero.

CrimsonFlame trotted into camp behind Leafstorm, dropping her prey on the pile after him too. Then she stopped and tried to start a conversation. "So, umm...LeafStorm," She swallowed then continued "What do you want to do now? What do you like to do in your spare time when you're not hunting or..." The she-cat tried to give him some control, whilst trying to show she could have control too. Great StarClan, what am I doing? He's the Tom...he's probably bigger and stronger than me...but I can't let myself leave just yet...there's a sadness, a loneliness inside Leafstorm...I won't give up. I want to show him happiness, kindness. It's clear to see he wants to lead, be dominant...but at the same time...isn't sure how to...he needs someone to listen to him...he's cold to other cats and likes things to be his way.

[Queenie]

Originally Posted by NightWarrior4Life

CrimsonFlame trotted into camp behind Leafstorm, dropping her prey on the pile after him too. Then she stopped and tried to start a conversation. "So, umm...LeafStorm," She swallowed then continued "What do you want to do now? What do you like to do in your spare time when you're not hunting or..." The she-cat tried to give him some control, whilst trying to show she could have control too. Great StarClan, what am I doing? He's the Tom...he's probably bigger and stronger than me...but I can't let myself leave just yet...there's a sadness, a loneliness inside Leafstorm...I won't give up. I want to show him happiness, kindness. It's clear to see he wants to lead, be dominant...but at the same time...isn't sure how to...he needs someone to listen to him...he's cold to other cats and likes things to be his way.

Leafstorm sniffed, despite his previous thoughts he still had no intention of showing this she-cat any kindness whatsoever. The tom was slightly annoyed by her eagerness to stay with him. Leisure time? Leafstorm didn't really know what he did with his spare time. Most of it was dedicated to hunting or training his apprentice. If he had extra time he'd usually lay alone on the warriors den with his thoughts, which he often tried to stay away from because his thoughts scared him a lot. But now faced with Crimsonflame and her eager eyes, Leafstorm felt that wasn't the best option. He appreciated the thought, but the warrior really didn't know how he would every do anything with another cat. "Excuse me?" Leafstorm mewed, taken aback.

[NightWarrior4Life]

Originally Posted by Queenie

Leafstorm sniffed, despite his previous thoughts he still had no intention of showing this she-cat any kindness whatsoever. The tom was slightly annoyed by her eagerness to stay with him. Leisure time? Leafstorm didn't really know what he did with his spare time. Most of it was dedicated to hunting or training his apprentice. If he had extra time he'd usually lay alone on the warriors den with his thoughts, which he often tried to stay away from because his thoughts scared him a lot. But now faced with Crimsonflame and her eager eyes, Leafstorm felt that wasn't the best option. He appreciated the thought, but the warrior really didn't know how he would every do anything with another cat. "Excuse me?" Leafstorm mewed, taken aback.

"well...I want to spend more time with you, if you haven't already noticed." she mewed, hesitantly. "Perhaps a border patrol then? If your spare Time is really dedicated to helping Thunderclan?" CrimsonFlame mocked, but was also sort of serious too.

[lone]

Originally Posted by Random Melody

Snowstar nodded slightly as the young medicine cat spoke, gazing at her through soft ice blue eyes. After a moment of thinking, she spoke up again. "I know that this job can be stressful, kiddo. I mean, not from experience, but still, I know. And I want you to know, if there's anything you ever need, I'm always willing to help out however I can." She said solemnly, holding Caliapaw's gaze. While since she'd taken on her leadership duties she'd had to be a bit more serious than before, it was still quite rare to see her this serious. Still, she meant what she said - She'd help out the young medicine cat in any way she could. Caliapaw was just so young for such pressure, such weight on her shoulders. Perhaps Snowstar could help to lift some of that weight. Even just a little.

She fell silent now, watching the young cat. So young and supposed to be full of life, but Caliapaw just looked tired and guarded. Snowstar didn't like it. She didn't like it at all. It sent pain through her heart, chest tightening up. Because Caliapaw wasn't supposed to be worrying about her Clanmates like this. Wasn't supposed to have this kind of pressure on her. She was just so young. She wasn't supposed to know this kind of responsibility, wasn't supposed to have to have it all shoved at her like this. Shouldn't have that look in her eyes, a look too mature for a young cat. This wasn't what the apprentice had signed up for, was it? Wheatfur was supposed to be training her, supposed to be teaching her, and they were supposed to be sharing the responsibility until Caliapaw was ready to take it on by herself. But Wheatfur was dead. Dead thanks to that stupid gathering battle. To those stupid Dusk Syndicate cats. Snowstar felt an unexpected rush of hatred that shocked her to the core, but not enough to stop the feeling. Hatred for those cats that had taken away so much from her Clan. Those cats that had killed her medicine cat. Those cats that had, by doing so, thrown an unsuspecting young cat into a position where she pretty much had the weight of the whole Clan on her shoulders. And it wasn't fair, was it? Yeah, Snowstar absolutely hated those rotten cats and she'd never hated anything or anyone in her life. Not even WindClan. But she hated this, hated that Caliapaw was stressing over something she most certainly should not have to be stressing about. Hated the cats responsible for taking away the young medicine cat's mentor.

The Siamese took in a deep breath and paused when she heard Caliapaw speak up again. She nodded for the young medicine cat to go on, and ask her question, and she visibly froze when Caliapaw finally got it out. When Wheatfur... Did you see him die? The words stunned her for a long moment, and she thought back to the battle. The screams and yowls of the cats around, the blood... "No." She finally managed to reply, her voice quieter than before. "No, I didn't." She hadn't known Wheatfur was dead until after the battle had ended, after everything had calmed down a bit. Thinking about it now, the hatred for the former Syndicate cats turned into pain and grief for the loss of the medicine cat.

"Thank you." Some of Caliapaw's friends and family had offered the same thing, to help out when they could, but the apprentice couldn't really see how. Sure, they might be able to bring her some prey or go with her to collect herbs, but they couldn't really see the daily ins and outs of the job. They couldn't know what it was like to have their hearts racing, fear radiating through their body and them desperately trying to calm it as they tried to save a life. They couldn't know what it was like to lose that life because they weren't good enough. This time, not even tears of vexation stung Caliapaw's eyes. There was just a look of emptiness, a dead look that mirrored exactly how she was feeling at the moment. Thinking of her lost patient only made things worse.

"There... is one favor I would like to ask of you. I have a couple of close friends who... knew Wheatfur. They're both apprentices around my age. I wanted to ask you if it would be alright for us to go somewhere beyond the borders of the Clan and just talk about Wheat-" Caliapaw stopped. What was she thinking? She couldn't leave the Clan, that was madness! What if something came up? What if she failed again because this time, she was too late? No. That was a risk Caliapaw wasn't willing to take. There wasn't time for her to take a real break, outside of the Clan... even though she wanted to explain why, she wasn't quite sure how to word it. Maybe it was just that she needed to feel like she was beyond the boundaries of her current job. Like she was normal again. Had she been just a normal apprentice, maybe Snowstar would have been okay with it.

"On second thought, nevermind. We can do it somewhere in the territory." The she cat forced a smile, but it fell the second she stopped forcing it. Snowstar's next words gave her a rush of something that felt a lot like fear, and frustration. She hadn't seen Wheatfur die. The next thing Caliapaw felt was relief, but that was hidden beneath her frustration. She wanted to know what had happened, if only she had been there, maybe she could have saved him... if only she had been smarter, better, she could have saved the tom who had been taken. "I see." Those were the only words she spoke before she turned back and started furiously staring at the herbs that were neatly sorted. She wanted to scream. She wanted to blame StarClan for this, but how was it their fault? They had taken Wheatfur because it was his time.

She wanted to blame him, for fighting - a medicine cat wasn't supposed to fight! She wanted to blame any warriors who had been there, because why hadn't they stepped in to save him? Had they even cared, had they even seen, had the cat just given Wheatfur a single blow and he was dead? No. Her mentor was too strong for that. Something had to have happened, and if only Caliapaw knew what, she would be more content. She was the angriest with the Dusk Syndicate cats, though. She couldn't find it in her to hate - she didn't have enough strength or emotion for that right now, but as soon as she could gather it, there was no doubt she would have a large amount of hate for the cats who had taken her mentor from her. Right now, it felt like they had taken everything. She was alone in this.... and she would be for quite some time.

[Random Melody]

Originally Posted by Lonestar23

"Thank you." Some of Caliapaw's friends and family had offered the same thing, to help out when they could, but the apprentice couldn't really see how. Sure, they might be able to bring her some prey or go with her to collect herbs, but they couldn't really see the daily ins and outs of the job. They couldn't know what it was like to have their hearts racing, fear radiating through their body and them desperately trying to calm it as they tried to save a life. They couldn't know what it was like to lose that life because they weren't good enough. This time, not even tears of vexation stung Caliapaw's eyes. There was just a look of emptiness, a dead look that mirrored exactly how she was feeling at the moment. Thinking of her lost patient only made things worse.

"There... is one favor I would like to ask of you. I have a couple of close friends who... knew Wheatfur. They're both apprentices around my age. I wanted to ask you if it would be alright for us to go somewhere beyond the borders of the Clan and just talk about Wheat-" Caliapaw stopped. What was she thinking? She couldn't leave the Clan, that was madness! What if something came up? What if she failed again because this time, she was too late? No. That was a risk Caliapaw wasn't willing to take. There wasn't time for her to take a real break, outside of the Clan... even though she wanted to explain why, she wasn't quite sure how to word it. Maybe it was just that she needed to feel like she was beyond the boundaries of her current job. Like she was normal again. Had she been just a normal apprentice, maybe Snowstar would have been okay with it.

"On second thought, nevermind. We can do it somewhere in the territory." The she cat forced a smile, but it fell the second she stopped forcing it. Snowstar's next words gave her a rush of something that felt a lot like fear, and frustration. She hadn't seen Wheatfur die. The next thing Caliapaw felt was relief, but that was hidden beneath her frustration. She wanted to know what had happened, if only she had been there, maybe she could have saved him... if only she had been smarter, better, she could have saved the tom who had been taken. "I see." Those were the only words she spoke before she turned back and started furiously staring at the herbs that were neatly sorted. She wanted to scream. She wanted to blame StarClan for this, but how was it their fault? They had taken Wheatfur because it was his time.

She wanted to blame him, for fighting - a medicine cat wasn't supposed to fight! She wanted to blame any warriors who had been there, because why hadn't they stepped in to save him? Had they even cared, had they even seen, had the cat just given Wheatfur a single blow and he was dead? No. Her mentor was too strong for that. Something had to have happened, and if only Caliapaw knew what, she would be more content. She was the angriest with the Dusk Syndicate cats, though. She couldn't find it in her to hate - she didn't have enough strength or emotion for that right now, but as soon as she could gather it, there was no doubt she would have a large amount of hate for the cats who had taken her mentor from her. Right now, it felt like they had taken everything. She was alone in this.... and she would be for quite some time.

Snowstar nodded slightly at the young medicine cat's words, watching her expression carefully. Caliapaw's gaze was just blank and dull. No, not dull, dead. And Snowstar hated it, hated the Dusk Syndicate cats, hated, hated. Snowstar's tail twitched, and her gaze darted down to her paws, unable to look at Caliapaw much longer. Because she knew the young medicine cat was hurting but she had absolutely no idea how to help her. She could offer to collect herbs or whatever but the truth was she couldn't help the way Caliapaw needed to be helped. She could try to come around, try to cheer her up, but that was it. For the first time in a long time Snowstar felt completely useless. The Siamese frowned to herself, ice blue eyes narrowing slightly as she stared at her paws. Yeah, she hated this. Everyone was mourning Wheatfur's death but nobody had it as rough as Caliapaw did, Snowstar could bet on that. And the young medicine cat didn't deserve that, didn't deserve that at all. She was just so young.

Snowstar looked up when Caliapaw started to speak, asking for a favor, and Snowstar gave one short nod for her to go on, tilting her head, blue eyes sparkling with concern. But then the young medicine cat's sentence cut off abruptly, and Snowstar paused to think about that. Beyond the borders of the Clan.... Snowstar instantly didn't like that idea. Didn't like the idea of Caliapaw venturing far away, where she could possibly get into danger. Those Syndicate cats had ran off in all different directions - What if one of them found the young medicine cat, and the friends Caliapaw spoke of? Snowstar definitely didn't like that. She was glad when Caliapaw decided to do it somewhere in the territory instead, and gave a soft nod. "Alright, Caliapaw," She murmured, gazing at the young medicine cat with a small frown.

Snowstar watched Caliapaw's smile drop almost as quickly as it came. She couldn't tell whether the young cat was relieved or upset about this, but she figured it was a mixture of both. When Caliapaw turned away, Snowstar went silent for a long time before speaking. "I'm sorry." She finally murmured. But she knew being sorry wouldn't be enough. She wanted to be able to help Caliapaw, but she didn't know how. She'd just start with... Trying to be around for her. "You didn't deserve to be pushed into a life like this so quickly, to have this many responsibilities, to have this kind of weight on your shoulders.."

And as she spoke, she felt another rush of hatred and rage for those Dusk Syndicate cats, and it honestly scared her. She'd never felt it before... But how did she know it was hatred? It could have been something else... No, she was pretty sure it was hatred. The Siamese shook her head slightly and continued speaking. "And I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but eventually, it'll get a little better. And you're not alone - I'm here, and Passionblaze is here. And I know we're not medicine cats," She added carefully, lifting her ice blue gaze to look at the young medicine cat again. "But we still understand what it feels like to have that kind of pressure on you. So if you ever need to.. To just talk about something, or just need anything, whatever it is, please, don't hesitate to come to one of us." There, she'd gotten that out. It wasn't enough, she knew it wasn't enough right now, but maybe eventually, it would be. She just wanted Caliapaw to know that she most certainly wasn't alone, that she did have someone she could go to who understood at least half of what she was going through. Still, it didn't stop that little voice in Snowstar's head that was screaming useless over and over again. But for now, she just kind of ignored it, focusing on the young medicine cat in front of her.