[Pending] Firestorm

[Dark]

Firestorm

Ultimate Predator: Inactive | Burn Baby Burn | Monkey’s Paw
___________

Firestorm ran. She ran from her dead body that now laid in the nursery, she ran from the cat(s) who had come to bring her to StarClan, she ran from her kits, her mate, her adopted daughter, her found mother, she ran from them all. It was still a shock, being dead and all didn’t feel real.

She didn’t know where she was going, or how she knew where to go, but her star-filled paws led her to a group of gathered cats. It was as if they knew she was coming, The immense pressure held within their gazes felt like it would crush her into tiny pieces. She felt small. For a moment, her resolve wavered. Was this the right thing to do? Would she be able to plea her case to them, and go back?

Amidst having this thought, they spoke.

"What makes you stand out from the rest of the cats who want another chance?"

She wasn’t sure which one it was, or if had been all of them, but those words hit her in the face like a maelstrom. Her fur stood on end as if she were struck by lightning, and it took everything within her to not flee. She had to get back. Her family was waiting for her.

”Please. She pleaded, voice trembling as the gravity of the situation took hold ”Please send me back. Spots– Lightningstorm, she’s down there by herself. Oh and great StarClan our kits! I need to go back, I need to…” she paused, the beginning of a sob threatening to overtake her.

Stop it Firestorm. Don’t let fear control you.

She was pathetic. She knew it, but somehow she wasn’t going to allow that to deter her. Her hopes and dreams, her family, everything was dependent on how this conversation went, and she knew it. The young queen had to do better. She had to prove that sending her back to the world of the living was the right choice.

“I’m sorry. I know I’m not much - I’m nothing more than a helpless little warrior who always talks big about wanting to become the leader. I haven’t done much to contribute to the clan, I try my best to make sure that everyone is happy, and that the prey pile is stocked, and I help Lightningstorm with her patients whenever I can, but I still have many faults. I’m weak, I get stressed easily, loud noises and strong smells make me nauseous, and I’m not that smart…” the truth, completely unfiltered, something she’d never have admitted in life. It stung, acknowledging all of her faults and baring her soul to these cats she didn’t know, but it had to be done. She had to do it if she wanted to go home. She had to do it if she wanted to go back to WindClan – to her family.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, the tremors stopped. She had to be confident. She was Firestorm, the future leader of WindClan, the greatest hunter in the forest, the helper of medicine cats, friend to all, lover of kits, mate to Lightningstorm, and grand daughter of Blazingstar. Greatness was in her blood, she felt she was destined for it. Now, she just had to act like it – she had to show it. Standing taller, she spoke up once more “Right now I’m needed. My kits – the kits that I begged and prayed for need me. Lightningstorm needs me. The clan needs me. I know I’ve asked for a lot, but please… Let me go back and raise them. Let me continue helping my mate treat her patients. Let me go back and fulfill the rest of my hopes and dreams, not just for me, but for the clan. For them.” She hoped it was enough. She hoped that with this, they’d let her go back. She had unfinished business to attend to.

[ @Starfall @Rani @taillow ]

[Starfall]

Magpiewisp
Ancient RiverClan Medicine Cat || Dark Forest
@Darkfall , @Rani , @taillow

Same song, same dripping water on the same stone, in the same cave beneath the same hapazardly kept together starry sky. Most of these freshly dead idiots all wail about the same thing time and time again, how their life wasn't finished. How they needed to be there for them. The only thing changing in that equation was the 'them' often times loved ones, the Clan as a whole. Doesn't matter, all the same. So, he let her babble, wail, sob and cry. The words meant nothing, they fell on deaf ears.

"You are not worth bringing back to life." he hissed, fog pouring from his paws and cheeks as his visual form fizzled into the former WindClanners sight. Until one of those star bound idiots appeared, this was his domain. Speckles of red, sparkling red, appeared around the duo, barely visible figures flickering in and out of sight in the background. "You're all the same, you tell us your woes on how you're still needed, how someone needs you and how you have to take care of those you've left behind. I've decided I will no longer listen to the half thought of requests and your beliefs in destiny existing solely for your convenience." a guttural spit as the tuxedo mix was striding forward during his speech. The fog fluttering gently around Firestorm, at his last word it all stilled. If he could, he would have squeezed whatever remaining life force she had out of her right than and there.

"If the world truly needed you, it wouldn't have decided to forget you." a pause as Magpiewisp leaned back from where he was leaned in, his nose would almost touch hers had she not moved. "Do you solely exist for others? A sad existence, one I will not support in being brought back. You were buried down into the dirt, the dirt will utilize the body you failed to help thrive. Let your spirit weep what it's lost and be gone."

[Dark]

Firestorm

Ultimate Predator: Inactive | Burn Baby Burn | Monkey’s Paw
___________

The orange tabby couldn’t help but flinch at the words the first cat spoke at her. Despite how much they hurt, she didn’t dare back down from his challenge. Something about the way that he attempted to break her down lit a spark deep within her, and she couldn’t help but get angry. All the fear she felt earlier dissipated like steam in the wind. She was not going to just take this lying down.

”Well you want to know what I think?” She asked, leaning forward so that she was back in the tom’s face should he not back away before quickly continuing before he had the chance to speak ”I think that’s stupid.” A storm flashed in her eyes as her fur ruffled, making her small form look bigger than usual. ”I don’t want to go back solely for others, I want to go back for myself. I want to go back so that I can raise my kits, because I want to. I want to go back to help Lightningstorm, because I want to. And I want to go back to the clan, because I want to.” She growled, getting increasingly frustrated the more she thought about it. ”Yes, my family needs me, the clan needs me, but you didn’t ask why. You didn’t ask why I felt that way. My whole life I’ve wanted two things. Above all else I wanted to be a mother, and then after that, I wanted to be the leader of WindClan – Firestar.” She said, pale eyes narrowed dangerously.

”I prayed and wished for my kits, and as a result, I became a mother. But you know what you star cats did? You let me die. My kits are down there next to the body of their mother that is growing increasingly colder because you all simply wouldn’t let me be happy. I still have hopes and dreams y’know? I want to be an actual mother, not just some idea of one. I want to raise my kits in the clan I grew up in, teach them the ways of the clan, teach them to hunt from the best hunter in the forest – which is me by the way, and I want them to grow up telling others how cool their moms are.” She paused a moment, at some point she had begun pacing back and forth. She didn’t know why she was saying all of this, but something about the way that dead cat dared look down on her rubbed her the wrong way.

”I still wish to become leader, and right now I have the best opportunity to do so. Fallownose is dead. Twilightstar hasn’t replaced him yet, so I still have a chance. WindClan is dreadfully boring, and the clan needs a revival. I’m not all that smart so I’ll need help, but I plan to bring about the change the clan needs. My grandfather, Blazingstar, was the leader so why can’t I be? I want to surpass him, I want to be a leader that the whole clan looks up to and talks about for many seasons after I’m long gone.” Her innermost desires were coming out now that she was riled up. That was the plan anyway, take care of her kits until she was recovered and then get to work filling in the vacant deputy slot. Initially, she wanted to wait until Twinkles died so that she could serve under Fallownose, but his untimely death threw a huge stick into her plans, so now she had to adapt and improvise.

The pacing stopped, and she turned to the cats who were to judge her with an inferno roaring in her eyes. ”How dare you. How dare you take that all away from me? It’s not fair, that’s what it is. I have so much more life to live and you just took it away. With my wish, I asked to have kits so that I could raise them, not so that I’d bloody die while giving birth to them. There’s more that needs to be added to the Story of Firestar – I have unfinished business to deal with. Lightningstorm is hopeless without me to keep her together – also because of the incompetence of the stars. I have an adopted daughter that I met while she was a kit, who I haven’t spent nearly enough time with. A cat I claimed as my mother who I’ve just told how I felt about her. It wasn’t the world that forgot me, but you lot failing me. Failing an aspiring mother who just wanted to get started on achieving her dreams. Call me selfish or whatever, but I’m doing this for me. I want to go back because I have more to do. If I go back I’m going to do what I want, because I have never done anything else.” She said, glaring at the first cat in defiant challenge before continuing ”And what I want is to be a proper mother. I want to spend time with my darling mate. I want to work my arse off and show Twinkles that I should be the deputy. That I will be the deputy. I’ll show you, and I’ll show everyone else too. WindClan will be mine, and when it’s their time, my precious little ones and everyone else will come barging into StarClan to tell you how cool and amazing I am, and that I’m the best damn leader that the forest has ever seen.”

The deceased queen couldn’t help but imagine that Lightningstorm would be howling with laughter and telling her how stubborn she was if she could hear her now. But seriously! Who did this guy think he was to tell her that the world didn’t need her??? She was the best thing to be brought into the world, and the only reason she wasn’t there any longer was because one of the star cats decided it’d be fun to take everything away from her. Well, she wasn’t going to let that just slide if she had a say in it. She would be going back. If they rejected her this time, she would come back again, and again, and again until they told her yes. For this, there would be no taking no for an answer. She would be going back.

[ @Starfall @Rani @taillow ]

[Rani]

Barkblaze | Male + He/Him | StarClan
Long-furred white cat with black spotting and green eyes.

Disgust. Abject disgust for this clueless, foolish, prideful child in front of him and the tom that faded in with stars in his pelt showed his feelings by the fang he bared at her.
"I wasnt going to say selfish more as I was going to say pathetic. Quit your yelping you overgrown whelp you deserve the fate and death youve earned, and are doing little to prove to me your few virtues over-weigh your many flaws."

The medicine cat stalked over, heavens reflected in his pelt as he scanned this cat judgmentally, internally wondering if the successor of his once role was shaken in the brain to choose her as a mate. She was small, weak in heart and mind, loud and foolish and seemed to think her far fetched dreams and 'special' bloodline made her something over her actions. Actions that'd lead her here.

"Lets correct your false narrative before we delve further into why Im frankly inclined to reject you now and let someone else deal with your wailing.


You seem to think you are needed, like your help has been the thing to make or break Lightningstorm, as if you havent done nothing to bridge the chasm between her and her clan. You act like you havent done nothing but widen that gap by standing between her and those that could help her trust again like your protection could even do anything to stop a determined clanmate. Youre no great fighter girl, what do you think you could stop should the worst come?
No, you let the distance widen and let a cat you claim to love remain isolated and reliant just on you, when you could not in fact promise that you'd remain with her.
And dont bring up your kits 'needing' you, it is the sad reality that many grow up just fine without parents at all and yours still have a far more capable mother then you still living yet.


Further do not lie to me you little fool, one rabbit, two voles, and a mouse in the last two (maybe more) moons that didnt even make it to the clans store and so are uneaten, I am awed by your 'stocking of the prey pile'." The sarcasm dripped off of the toms words, green eyes blazing as he glared. "And your 'healing help' amounts to little also, as while youve offered plenty of times I cannot find one instance where it'd been accepted by the actual medicine cat youre mated to, and where youve put paw to herbs and healed. Pray tell, how exactly is that lack of doing 'helping' anyone?

Do not lie again whelp or it will not end well for you as it's already hurt your chances. Youve done little but socialize over the last two moons and that isnt bad, growing kittens takes time and effort, but at least admit to the lack of contribution youre claiming to have made."

Liars were not the cats Barkblaze wished for his clan, even ones doing so without maliciousness and who were just not thinking their words through out of desperation.



"Now Id comment on your failures when it comes to your kittens however I know my colleague wishes to do that himself so I'll instead focus on another avenue for now."
Barkblaze could almost feel the fury from Lichenflood and frankly he'd forsaken kits and mate for his role, so had little personal input on the matter. Judgement? Certainly, but he had stronger feelings on her shameful claim to greatness.


"WILL YOU BE SILENT AND QUIT YOUR HOLLOW GREEDY AND MORONIC DECLARATIONS ON WINDCLANS LEADERSHIP! YOU SOUND LIKE A KIT!"
Though they, at least, were cute in their naivety with such goals, Firestorm was old enough that she should know better.
"You dare, dare to make such assumptions on the future of windclan?! You should be ashamed you little leech of a cat! You contribute nothing to the clan but mistakes and a swelled ego but think you deserve the honor of leadership? I can tell you now, YOU. DO. NOT.


You mourned and claimed to love Fallownose as an uncle but see his death as nothing but an opportunity for you to ascend! You vile little thing, were your tears and care for him false or did you just not respect him and his effort to windclan at all that upon his death your only thought is how you and your lifetime of nothing 'will' somehow be better then his? Your ego and pride is without bounds child, reign it in, you know nothing in your lounging and being pampered in your life about the hardship leadership brings and it is clear by how you disrespect both Twilightstar and his efforts to give you that peace and plenty.


Your views on leading a clan is that of a child! You brag and claim and declare with nothing to back you and a complete lack of care for what you desire actually entails it only shows your foolishness! Your ego is detestable as your goals and so makes you detestable in turn!




I do wish Blazingstar was here though, so he might see you and feel shame. Bloodline means nothing whelp, you being his kin means nothing when youve not even shown a shred of his honor and drive and frankly youre tarnishing his name by your actions. Do you think he'd actually be proud of you and your tantrum right now? Do you think he believes leaders become so by blood and that you sharing his would be all it takes to make you a worthy cat?
The answer is no, Ill inform you as I fear youre so blinded by pride and deficient of a brain that you wouldnt realize that without being directly informed."

Blazingstar and many others became leaders with no legacy and bloodline, the few that did were a minority that either brought their kin low by their actions or succeeded not by that blood but by effort. Firestorm showed her complete lack of maturity by bringing her great whatever grandfather into this, as it only showed how much she paled in comparison.



"By all that is known, Im not sure how you function if you believe those things, much less how Lightningstorm can actually love you when you think so little of her. She is a fully grown medicine cat who's done far more and experienced more trials then you can ever imagine! She is not incompetent and what a horrible mate and cat you are to say someone you claim to love is hopeless without you there to guide her! She. is. a. medicine cat! You are nothing in comparison! And yet, you think so little of her!


You deserve nothing! No leadership, not her love, not your kits nor your life and how dare you blame the stars when this all of this is

All. Your. Fault."

Barkblaze laughed, panting for air he didnt even need as he looked at Firestorm like she was less then dirt, a cruel smile curling over his face. She'd succeeded in making him hate her so quickly in a way that was rare for a medicine cat that died for his clan, and so now he'd enjoy watching as the truth even she in her pride could not deny crushed her.
"Ah but you dont even realize what you did, do you? Youre naive and just dont think, and it has left you blind to the truth. I wonder, can you even come to realize what happened without us spelling it out for you? Maybe you should try."
Lichenflood would be bringing her to reality soon regardless on if Firestorm managed, but his way of doing so would probably be much less gentle.

@Dark @taillow @Starfall

[Dark]

Firestorm

Ultimate Predator: Inactive | Burn Baby Burn | Monkey’s Paw
___________

Firestorm listened in silence, something that was very unlike her as the black-spotted tom tore into her. Tears stung her eyes as he spoke, but she listened and waited. She waited as he told her that she contributed very little to the clan. She listened to the tom as he called her a liar, as he told her that she was doing little more than taking advantage of Fallownose’s death for her own ascension. It wasn’t true. She would never, ever do something so vile. But she remained silent as he continued his tirade of her character.

And then he was done.

At long last, it ended, and she knew if she weren’t so determined to go back, she would’ve long since run. She would’ve fled and hid to get away from the harsh words that were spoken to her, but right now that wasn’t an option. Firestorm couldn’t afford to give up right now when there was so much at stake, so much entirely dependent on convincing these cats she was worth sending back.

”Shut up.” She whispered, tears running down her ghastly cheeks. ”You don’t know anything.” Of course, it was clear that the long since deceased cat appeared to know a lot of things, however, she couldn’t just accept that he was wrong. She hadn’t forged a rift between Lightningstorm and the clan, nor had she widened it. In the moons since Cowtuft had been exiled, the two relied on one another to keep the other steady and be a pillar of support. He didn’t understand that.

”I loved and admired Fallownose with all of my heart.” She said in a strained voice ”Don’t you dare try and take that away from me. Don’t you dare claim that I didn’t.” The orange tabby could feel her grip on her emotions slipping once more, but for the moment she was able to reel it in. ”I want to do it in his memory. Yes, becoming the leader will ultimately be for me, but I told him that it was something that I’d do – follow in his footsteps an’ all.” She knew that this would be met negatively but right now she didn’t care ”Even if I’m not good enough now, I want to be. Fallownose was an amazing deputy, I always said that I wanted to be just like him. Putting down what he accomplished and his legacy was never what I meant to do, same with Twilightstar. Fine, I’ve grown up without seeing a lot of battle, but I have seen it. It’s disgusting, revolting stuff, and as the leader, I would do my best to keep that same peace.” As she said this, she looked right at the tom with a hint of anger in her eyes. ”WindClan is threatened not just by what’s going on on the outside, but what’s happening in the clan as well. The trust between clanmates is lacking. The clan turned so quickly on Cowtuft – threatening to hunt him down like he was a rabbit because of accusations of poisoning. Cowtuft would never intentionally poison anyone, but everyone was so quick to forget that, to say that he had bad intentions when his entire life had been devoted to the clan. I don’t want to see anything like that ever again, with a medicine cat or with other members of the clan. I want to help lead the clan in a direction that will form tighter bonds between us all. How can we hope to deal with outside threats like RiverClan if we’re so worried that those we share dens with will open our throats?”


She wouldn’t address the claim that Blazingstar would be ashamed of her, she didn’t want to believe it. He had seemed like he really liked her in the dream that he visited. She didn’t want to accept that maybe things had changed and she would be seen as little more than a disappointment to him.

Defiantly sweeping her gaze across the gathered cats, she took a deep breath before continuing. ”I know Lightningstorm deserves more than me,” She began, feeling her heart break with each word, but she pushed on ”But she settled for me, and I know there’s a reason for that.” It hurt, but it was something she mentioned before when the calico healer first rejected her request, and was something that she hadn’t initially refuted. ”We make each other happy. I know she’s a strong cat, I know she’s seen a lot and dealt with a lot, but she hasn’t been the same since Cowtuft was exiled. She took it very hard, distancing herself even from me because she didn’t want the clan to turn on me as well. She was scared of that, but I was scared of them turning on her. I know I’m weak and can do very little to defend her if a stronger warrior tried to hurt her, but at the very least I could and would sacrifice myself so that she could get away.” The truth. She had been so determined to defend both her and Cowtuft that dreadful day when the clan threatened to take them both from their den, that despite her fear of death, she was prepared to lay her life down if it meant keeping her loved ones safe. ”She’s so smart, and can do many things that I can’t. She knows so many more herbs than I could ever hope to memorize, and she’s much better at handling so many other things that I just can’t. But that doesn’t change the facts. Lightningstorm is so very sad – has been for a while. Sometimes she lashes out at our clanmates, and she has these horrible nightmares, but when I’m with her it gets a little better. I don’t know why, but she loves me probably more than I love her. Hell, I just told her for the first bloody time as I died. Horrible, innit? I don’t want her to be hurt because of my death. I don’t want to leave her blaming herself for not being able to save me, or for agreeing to be my mate. I want her to smile more, I want her to believe in the clan again. You say that I’m just making things worse, and widening the gap, right? That couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s slow, very very slow, but she’s been doing better compared to before.”


”She might leave… I think she only stayed for me — because I begged her to, and I’m scared that that would leave WindClan without an amazing healer.” Pride aside, that was her honest belief. She had seen it in Spots’ eyes the night of Cowtuft’s departure. Lightningstorm would’ve left the clan and everyone else behind had she not pleaded for her to stay, to show that there was someone left that would stay by her side even when everyone else turned on her. ”I want to do better for her. I want to get stronger, and learn to fight better so that I can keep her and everyone else safe. I don’t want her to leave her in charge of our kits alone when she has her job to keep up with. That’s not fair to her. She doesn’t deserve that. I grew up without both of my parents after my mom died when I was three moons old. It was just me and my sister before she then went missing, I know how hard it is to grow up like that. I don’t want our kits to grow up feeling distant from their mother, in the event that she even stays with them. I’m worried for her, and them. I’m worried that Lightningstorm will shut down and push everyone who’s she’s been letting back in, out. This isn’t just my pride speaking, this is me worried for my mate and wanting to do right by her. I want to go back and work hard to make sure that I’m someone she can be proud of too.”

There, that was what it was. The tom was right, life wasn’t sunshine and rainbows and she wasn’t some all-amazing cat, however, she’d be damned if she didn’t work her ass off for it. She’d known for a while, ever since finding out that that young kit she tried to treat for a cold was killed by her own paws due to someone poisoning the herb supply. She needed more experience. She needed to learn, she needed to be stronger, and she needed to get better. But what did she do instead? She wallowed in her self-pity and grief. She allowed herself to become complacent and forget the very things she strived for. She wanted to be the leader, and with the way she was now, that would be impossible.

She hated it, that damned tom was right.

That's when it hit her. Firestorm realized that her chances of convincing these cats were slim at best. Her starry form flickered and her eyes flashed with momentary panic. What if she didn't go back? She could try again later, yes, but how long would it take? What if Lightningstorm left? Would she take their kits, or would she leave them with some queen? What about Spottedpaw? Would she be okay? She hadn't told the apprentice how proud of her she was or spent a lot of time with her lately. Would she hate her for that? She wanted to go back to fix her mistakes, to make sure she did things right going forward but she might not even get the chance. She might be stuck here, helpless, unable to ensure the happiness of the ones she loved.

She might fail.

[ @taillow @Starfall @Rani ]

[taillow]

LICHENFLOOD
he/him | ancient windclan warrior | dark forest spirit

Despite everything, the dark tabby had to admit; this kid had some fire. Aptly named, for sure. Lichenflood watched the scene unfold with piercing green eyes, stalking forward from the shadows. They clung to his pelt like tendrils, billowing up from his paws with each step he took. He acknowledged the cats around him and the plight of this WindClanner with no more than a flick of his ears. If they could bleed in the afterlife they would be pouring from the screeching of the ungrateful kit desperately begging for a second chance before the three Wardens. He scoffed, lifting his chin to stare down the orange tabby.

"We took nothing." Thunder shook the sky around him as Lichenflood spoke, words ending in a snarl. A lash of his tail brought a streak of lightning across the sky, his narrowed gaze never leaving Firestorm. It was pitiful, hearing this cat speak as if she were entitled to life simply because she wanted it. Every damn cat in the sky wanted it - that was nothing new nor unique. Barkblaze had the part of Lightningstorm and Twilightstar covered, but that left a few openings for him to sink his fangs into and draw blood.

Fury wrapped around the area like ivy vines on a tree. A low growl rumbled in the depths of Lichenflood's throat, claws out and sinking into the dirt. "Peace is a fools dream - no great leader has ever lead their Clan to thrive by chasing after it. Honor and glory and leadership goes paw in paw with power. Control. Violence against those who threaten your Clan - your family. Could you do that, you ungrateful kit? Could you tear claws through fur and flesh in defense of your family??" He knew the answer; she didn't need to speak it. Images of his own mate and kits echoed in the deepest corners of his mind, allowing another lash of his tail to bring forth another streak of lightning. He'd done it for them - in their name - and something told him the cat before him would cower at the mere thought of what was required of a leader.

"Your kits, your mate - you were neglectful when it came to them. Don't defile this space with your false claims to have closed the gap. You did not help your mate you hindered her. If her only reason to stay in her Clan is because of you, that is not love that is possession. You wished for your kits with no regard to the life it would create for them - you wished for it without knowing if the price would be their life - how dare you call yourself a mother when you think not of them but of yourself!" By now his voice was a roar. There was little any cat could do to calm him down, teeth bared and clawed paws taking him closer step by step until he was up in Firestorm's face.

Hot breath billowed in her face, musky and dark and rotten. "Temper your pride, kit, or it will be your undoing. You have done little to convince me that you should be allowed back into the lives of those you have cast aside. If you truly claim to love Lightningstorm as your mate, you have done little to show it. I implore you, Firekit, to give me one ounce of proof that you deserve to be the mother you say you can be - because right now I do not see a mother, I see an ungrateful, dead, whiny fool who would just as soon as put her own pride over her family than take care of them."

[ Firestorm - @Dark ] [ Magpiewisp - @Starfall ] [ Barkblaze - @Rani ]
[ HELP I LOVE FIRESTORM WHY DID I PICK LICHEN FOR THIS ]

[Dark]

Firestorm

Ultimate Predator: Inactive | Burn Baby Burn | Monkey’s Paw
___________

A slew of harsh words were thrown at her once again as the other tom told her off. As he approached her, she couldn’t help but gag at the stench of the breath billowing into her face. It was vile and nasty, just like his personality. He too appeared to be against her plea, and the realization of his words made her feel small. The doubt that came with her potential return possibly being denied was starting to become overwhelming, however, she swallowed it down. She didn’t want to show these cats she was afraid. Firestorm felt like it’d be all over if she showed even the slightest weakness – if it weren’t already.

Closing her eyes she thought long and hard about what his initial question. He had asked her if she would be able to tear her claws through an enemy in defense of her family. She didn’t know. She’d done it once before, breaking that rogue’s leg in defense of Scorchedfang but became a bubbling, crying mess after. He had told her to kill the tom, but she couldn’t, not then. The sight of blood made her queasy, and the idea of harming another cat terrified her. But if it came to her mate or for her kits? If someone or something were to threaten her clan?

”Absolutely.” The queen said with a determined nod, opening her eyes ”If it meant protecting them, and keeping them safe, I’d do it in a heartbeat.” Her mind instantly went back to how she bared her fangs towards her own clan for daring to threaten Lightningstorm and Cowtuft and held onto that feeling, that anger that had taken over her in that moment. She could do it. She would protect them all if it were in her power. ”I’m not strong, I know that, but if I work hard enough, I hope to have the strength to protect everyone. If anyone threatened my family, I’d protect them with all I had. If someone threatened my clan, I’d defend them just as fiercely as if they were my family. I may not like it, and it might tear me up inside later, but that’s my duty. As a mate, as a mother, as a warrior, and if I receive the position, as a leader.” Talking to these cats made her realize she couldn’t stay stuck in her past ways if she wanted to move forward. She was going to have to change, and soon, otherwise, she’d never remain more than a scared little Kitten.

Next up were the tom’s other claims. She would not just take that lying down, she was going to have to refute him, make it so that he saw what she felt deep within her heart. Firestorm was going to have to prove that she wasn’t a mere whiny brat who believed the world to be waiting for her to take it.

”You’re right.” She said with a sigh, tail flicking with barely veiled irritation ”I didn’t think about what would happen. I was so excited to start a family that I couldn’t have been arsed to worry about that.” A pause followed. Her brows crinkled in concentration as she wracked what little she had to work with between the ears for a proper argument ”But, I want to make it right. I want to make up for my selfishness and help them live the life that they’ve been given to the fullest. It was a selfish, greedy wish and I should’ve been happy with what I had, but I wasn’t. It’s too late to go back and do things differently, ask questions, or take it back. It’s too late to change my mind or ask for Lightningstorm’s opinion. I messed up, but I don’t want everyone else to feel sad or blame themselves for something I did. It’s not fair to them, and it’s not right either. The mistake is mine and mine alone, and I desperately want to do better.”

Was she doing alright? Would they believe her? Would they give her a chance? All of these thoughts were spiraling in the back of her mind as she spoke and looked between the three cats. Her earlier confidence and bluster were beginning to die down, but she was too deep to quit. Firestorm desperately wanted to go back home and was willing to do almost anything to do so. Not just for her sake, but for the ones she cared about too.

”I have a lot to learn. I need to learn how to love, I need to learn how to be a proper mother, I need to learn how to be a proper mate, I need to learn how to defend my loved ones, I need to learn to manage a clan and guide others, and I need to learn how to be a better cat – one that others can look up to and rely on like they do for many of the other warriors of the clan. I’ll be honest, I don’t know what the bloody hell I’m doing, and it’s scary. I’m afraid of messing up and looking uncool, I’m afraid of disappointing and upsetting others, and I’m afraid of doing things wrong.” Another truth, one that hurt to say out loud. She lived most of her life ignoring those little things and just hoping that everything would work out if she had the right attitude, but clearly, she was wrong. ”More than anything though–” She began, taking a couple of steps back to look at them all ”I’m afraid of not returning. Selfish? Maybe, but not knowing what’ll happen next, and not being able to watch my family grow older with my own eyes, and not being able to apologize is absolutely terrifying.”

”I stared death in its ugly damn face and wanted to wet myself. But being stuck here? It’s worse. Look at me, I’m shaking even now,” The earlier tremors had returned with a vengeance and her slender legs were holding her up by some crazy miracle. ”It’s so uncool, right?” A light laugh as she made fun of herself. Maybe she was losing it a little bit, or maybe the pressure finally decided to sink its teeth into her fur. She felt pathetic, sitting here and pleading for another shot, emptying her heart out to these cats that couldn’t give a rat’s ass about her or what she wanted. But she pressed on anyway. She didn't have a choice right now. ”I want to go back so that I can learn those things. I want to live better than I did before. You asked me to show you proof that I deserve to go back? That I deserve to be the mother that I say I can be? I can’t. I have a bunch of words that mean absolutely nothing until I start showing results. The current me might not be enough, and maybe I’ll make a lot of mistakes – actually, I will, but that’s not the point. Despite that, I don’t want to get stuck and be at a standstill, I want to grow from it so that I can be a better version of myself -- not just for me, but also for everyone else as well. For Lightningstorm, for our kits, for Spottedpaw, for Bravebird, for Fallownose, for my mom and dad, for Blazingstar, for Twilightstar and the rest of the clan. For everyone.” Being around Lightningstorm so much had vastly added to her vocabulary and communication skills, however, she still struggled to get her point across in some ways. If only that gorgeous calico were here...

Would this be enough? Short of prostrating herself and begging to go back, she wasn’t quite sure of what else to do. Every time she said something, they’d find some way to tear her down. It was exhausting and she had to constantly remind herself not just what she was doing this for, but who she was doing this for. Her dreams of a family had been squandered because of a reckless wish that led to her death, but it was just within reach. All she had to do was convince these three that she was worth sending back…

[ @Starfall @Rani @taillow ]