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  #11  
Old February 21st, 2018, 04:04 PM
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Liekki Liekki is offline
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Default Re: Criticism on my cats?

Here we go!
Desertmoon
She seems like a nice cat, and I can tell the gist of her personality. The problem is that she had no personality flaws. There's got to be something that she wished wasn't in her personality. Physical flaws are one thing, but every character needs emotional/mental/personality flaws. Another thing is that her physical characteristics (Coordination, strength, reflexes) don't quite match up with her personality. It's fine if you don't want to change this, but it seems that Desertmoon would be a stronger and more coordinated cat. Even if she wasn't born this way, it seems like her personality would make her train until she was where she wanted to be.

It would be nice if you would explain the quirks a little. How did she come to speak another language and hate rabbits? A backstory or something to explain this would be nice. That way it doesn't seem like you just threw it in there because it sounded cool. Maybe do a little story on how she traveled from France to here and what that was like for her. Did it affect her personality or give her any quirks etc? And why does she like things that come from the desert? Has she been there, has a cat told her about it? What makes her this way?

Welp. Sorry if that sounded harsh, I didn't mean for it to... but here you go!
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  #12  
Old February 22nd, 2018, 09:55 AM
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NightWarrior4Life NightWarrior4Life is offline
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Default Re: Criticism on my cats?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Liekki View Post
Here we go!
Desertmoon
She seems like a nice cat, and I can tell the gist of her personality. The problem is that she had no personality flaws. There's got to be something that she wished wasn't in her personality. Physical flaws are one thing, but every character needs emotional/mental/personality flaws. Another thing is that her physical characteristics (Coordination, strength, reflexes) don't quite match up with her personality. It's fine if you don't want to change this, but it seems that Desertmoon would be a stronger and more coordinated cat. Even if she wasn't born this way, it seems like her personality would make her train until she was where she wanted to be.

It would be nice if you would explain the quirks a little. How did she come to speak another language and hate rabbits? A backstory or something to explain this would be nice. That way it doesn't seem like you just threw it in there because it sounded cool. Maybe do a little story on how she traveled from France to here and what that was like for her. Did it affect her personality or give her any quirks etc? And why does she like things that come from the desert? Has she been there, has a cat told her about it? What makes her this way?

Welp. Sorry if that sounded harsh, I didn't mean for it to... but here you go!
Ah! I actually do have a backstory for her. I have a Roleplay thread in the outskirts for it too. Here it is if you're interested:

DesertMoon was living in France with her twolegs (who spoke French which is where she picked up the language and accent from). Her twolegs decided to go on holiday and brought DesertMoon with them on the plane. Unfortunately, the plane crashed in the middle of a desert however, many of the other kittypets and various other animals survived and escaped into the wilderness. That first night, the molly was trekking through the desert alone, the full moon her only company, leading her to name herself DesertMoon. Eventually, she was joined by other cats seeking shelter and food and they basically became a family. Of course, cats started to leave and go their separate ways once they'd reached their destinations but DesertMoon kept on searching and came across The Syndicate where she was found by her future mate, Fleck. DesertMoon had picked up some healing knowledge so Fleck introduced her to the healers den and that's what she became.
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  #13  
Old September 22nd, 2018, 05:49 AM
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NightWarrior4Life NightWarrior4Life is offline
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Default Re: Criticism on my cats?

Bump! I wanna revive this thread cause I haven't role played with my characters in a while cause I feel like there's nothing interesting happening with them so...
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  #14  
Old September 28th, 2018, 09:55 AM
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Mango Mango is offline
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Default Re: Criticism on my cats?

Fleck, Aria, Dash, Desertmoon, Cresentmoon, Torrentkit, Chirppaw, and Cottenflower the personalities are very vague and there aren’t that many character traits, I personally recommend 5 positive traits, 5 neutral traits, and 5 negative traits per character.

Also the personality is very vague, I recommend (along with adding more traits) going into more detail for example:

Overview: Whiteblood is really loyal to Windclan, he would risk his life for any of his clanmates at any time. He is really polite to others. He is rather respectful to anyone. He is extremely honest.He is really devote when it comes to Starclan. He is super obedient of senior warriors, Blazingstar, Buttercupbreeze, and Oriolepaw, along with the elders. He is rather reserved and keeps to himself usually. He is very trusting of others which sometimes can get him in trouble. He is really emotional which can cause him to look cowardly and causes him not to see the logical solution to a problem. He is overly cautious which often is viewed as distrust. He is really gullible, which can get him into difficult situations often or causes cats to laugh at him for falling for it. He is super hesitant when making decisions he often wants to sleep on any decision before making any move. He is super insecure, he sometimes feels everyone is laughing at him behind his back when realistically no one is laughing at him behind his back. He is super dependent on others, he isn’t the best fighter and he relies on his clanmates to fight trespassers for him.
Traits:
Positive- |Loyal|Friendly|Polite|Respectful|Honest|
Neutral- |Religious|Obedient|Reserved|Trusting|Emotional|
Negative- |Cautious|Gullible|Hesitant|Insecure|Dependent|


Also Desertrose doesn’t have any personality.

Chirppaw's traits and overview are formatted the same. The Overview should for into more detail about the traits.

Cottenflower doesn't have many positive character traits.

Gleamingrose is perfect.

The characters without pages. I recommend adding character pages.
@NightWarrior4Life
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Last edited by Mango; September 28th, 2018 at 11:21 AM.
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  #15  
Old September 28th, 2018, 01:29 PM
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NightWarrior4Life NightWarrior4Life is offline
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Default Re: Criticism on my cats?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Okapi View Post
Fleck, Aria, Dash, Desertmoon, Cresentmoon, Torrentkit, Chirppaw, and Cottenflower the personalities are very vague and there aren’t that many character traits, I personally recommend 5 positive traits, 5 neutral traits, and 5 negative traits per character.

Also the personality is very vague, I recommend (along with adding more traits) going into more detail for example:

Overview: Whiteblood is really loyal to Windclan, he would risk his life for any of his clanmates at any time. He is really polite to others. He is rather respectful to anyone. He is extremely honest.He is really devote when it comes to Starclan. He is super obedient of senior warriors, Blazingstar, Buttercupbreeze, and Oriolepaw, along with the elders. He is rather reserved and keeps to himself usually. He is very trusting of others which sometimes can get him in trouble. He is really emotional which can cause him to look cowardly and causes him not to see the logical solution to a problem. He is overly cautious which often is viewed as distrust. He is really gullible, which can get him into difficult situations often or causes cats to laugh at him for falling for it. He is super hesitant when making decisions he often wants to sleep on any decision before making any move. He is super insecure, he sometimes feels everyone is laughing at him behind his back when realistically no one is laughing at him behind his back. He is super dependent on others, he isn’t the best fighter and he relies on his clanmates to fight trespassers for him.
Traits:
Positive- |Loyal|Friendly|Polite|Respectful|Honest|
Neutral- |Religious|Obedient|Reserved|Trusting|Emotional|
Negative- |Cautious|Gullible|Hesitant|Insecure|Dependent|


Also Desertrose doesn’t have any personality.

Chirppaw's traits and overview are formatted the same. The Overview should for into more detail about the traits.

Cottenflower doesn't have many positive character traits.

Gleamingrose is perfect.

The characters without pages. I recommend adding character pages.
@NightWarrior4Life
Oh really? What about GleamRose do you like?

And I will get to work on those personalities.

CottonFlower is part of the Fuzz family so she's supposed to be pretty...negative...a lot of the time but I can see where you're coming from.
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  #16  
Old September 28th, 2018, 03:20 PM
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Mango Mango is offline
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Default Re: Criticism on my cats?

Quote:
Originally Posted by NightWarrior4Life View Post
Oh really? What about GleamRose do you like?

And I will get to work on those personalities.

CottonFlower is part of the Fuzz family so she's supposed to be pretty...negative...a lot of the time but I can see where you're coming from.
I like hoe descriptive Gleamingrose is.
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  #17  
Old October 7th, 2018, 12:11 PM
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NightWarrior4Life NightWarrior4Life is offline
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Default Re: Criticism on my cats?

This thread is a bit of a mess but bump
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