getting back the life I had |solo|

[poppy]

// @NinjaBloss - for viewing purposes

Aspenstar wasn't sure what she was feeling nowadays. It was a strang, unhappy time for the dead molly, and even though she was here, in a literal paradise, she was still sad. She didn't even know why, it just felt like she didn't deserve to be here. She failed her Clan, hadn't she? Failed StarClan? So why did they let her of all cats come here? Because they felt sorry for shoving a hug weight on her shoulders, forcing her to take the reigns of a Clan when she was struggling to figure herself out? Seriously... look at her home now, overrun with ShadowClanners and bursting at the seams with unhappiness and traitorous things.

They felt bad for her. That was the only answer.

Her mind still reeled from her death- who's wouldn't, she got her throat ripped out by a coyote- and her jaw still ached from killing the mongrel. Big old neck, all she had to do was sink her fangs in and the beast was dead... but she was too. The coyote got let off easily, it died and then was done and then ceased to exist, the coyote didn't have to watch everyone it loved fall and suffer because of it, it didn't have to deal with the guilty conscience that came with one's failure. It just got to die, and was over with it, and just became nothing.

Aspenstar very selfishly envied that coyote. She had to die over and over and over again, and watch her clan deteriorate like melting snow. She also hated it, because it didn't let her live her life. She also... deep, deep down... was grateful to the coyote because it granted her this chance to restart. Or more like, granted ThunderClan a new beginning. Now she got to suffer for an eternity, but it was worth it, wasn't it?

Sighing, the starry molly turned to leave the clearing, to go and brood elsewhere, when she spotted a fluffy gray tabby cat. Lynxpaw. Aspenstar was surprised to see how chipper her former apprentice was, usually Lynxpaw hid these emotions around her the same way you hide a block of ice from the sun, so the maple furred molly knew something was up.

"Lynxpaw." Aspenstar said, dull voice curved by a smile. "What's up?" Sitting down, she let the forever apprentice sit beside her. But Lynxpaw stayed where she was, adding more to the former leader's increasing unease. "Lynxpaw?"

The cream and gray tabby padded briskly over to stand face to face with the Abyssinian. "Do you remember getting your nine lives? Nine new ones?" Lynxpaw asked, bluntly but with a dash of... eagerness?

Aspenstar shrugged. Getting nine lives wasn't something a cat would forget. Not that she wanted to. It was losing them all in less than an hour that was the thing she wanted to forget. "Yeah." Her tone clearly indicated that she didn't know what the hell the little molly was talking about.

Lynxpaw blinked up at Aspenstar. "You.. they... They're giving you another chance. To resume the life that got taken when you became leader." Her pure golden gaze met the wide, shocked eyes of Aspenstar. "StarClan is a happy place, Aspenstar. You aren't happy, therefore you shouldn't be here. Your path was cut short, that's why you feel so unhappy."

Aspenstar just stared. What? Now she was failing at being a dead cat. Of course. Typical Aspenstar.

Now she got another chance. Another chance at life. At Shiningskies. The molly gaped at Lynxpaw. "Lynxpaw... I... I couldn't..." It wouldn't be right, would it? Knowing that everyone here died and not everyone was happy about it and somehow Aspenstar was granted a tenth chance at life? Yeah. It wouldn't be right. But Shiningskies was down there, sad and injured and alone. Blinking at Lynxpaw, Aspenstar allowed herself to be selfish.

"Okay. Okay. Thank you."

[wip, rlly rushed just want aspen back up! - 1 resurrection card]