Brackenpaw's broken voice{feedback welcomed}

[Madelaine]

A thunder of pawsteps was heard running through Windclan territory. A small black and white tuxedo apprentice ran through the territory his mentor far behind him. The young Tom couldn't hold back his happiness.
"Brackenpaw get back here and calm down! Your gonna scare all the prey from here to the sundrown place!" Yowled his mentor. Brackenpaw's stopped in his tracks and walked back to his mentor. He bounced around, not listening to his mentor. " I mean it. " he added.
"Come on Speckledbreeze lighten up. I'm just excited that's all. Weren't you excited on your first day?" Asked Brackenpaw's with a slight tilt of his head as he came to a stop. He lifted his head up and began to circling around him. Speckledbreeze let out a snort of annoyance.
"Okay can you stop for one second and sniff the air for any sign of prey? " asked Speckledbreeze. Brackenpaw stopped once again and took a good whiff. A scent caught his nose and he heard rustling a few Fox lengths away. The apprentice looked over at a bush and standing beside it was a squirrel.
"I'll get it!" Yowled Brackenpaw. He did 't get in a hunters crouch, but instead he just ran quickly at the squirrel. The small rodent made a break for it, rushing over to a nearby tree. Brackenpaw chased after it, but it was too late the squirrel jumped into the tree and began to chatter away. The apprentice let out a yowl then jumped on the nearest branch.
"Brackenpaw get down from there now!" Demanded Speckledbreeze with a yowl. Brackenpaw ignored his mentor then jumped into the next branch. He moved closer to the squirrel, but lost his balance. He tripped and landed his neck just right on the branch. He felt himself fall into the ground with a loud thud. Speckledbreeze ran to his apprentice with a frightened yowl.
Brackenpaw tried to speak, but nothing came out but a squeak. He felt his body began to ache in pain. His mentor stood over him with a panic look on his face.
"Speak to me Brackenpaw. You got to tell me that your alright." Speckledbreeze meowed in a panic. He missed his paw gently at his apprentice's side. Brackenpaw let out a groan of pain.
" I-I-I'm okay. M-my neck really hu-hurts. I-I's hard to to sp-sp-speak. " studdered Brackenpaw. Speckledbreeze felt himself go into a bigger panic when he told him. Brackenpaw felt himself go into a deep sleep.

A couple days later
Brackenpaw Sat outside the medicine cats den after being there for a couple of days. He glanced at his mother who was sitting and talking with his father.
"Why would you want his name to be changed to Brokenpaw? Do you really think that's fair to him?" Asked his father. Brackenpaw looked at his parents with wide eyes. He couldn't believe they were talking like that about him. He watched as his mother's fur began to bristle.
"It was his fault that he didn't listen to his mentor. If he had he wouldn't be like this now would he." Snapped Brackenpaw's mother. Brackenpaw couldn't listen to it anymore, so he walked back into the medicine den. He curled up in his best and tried himself to sleep.