WindClan: Life Before 2023's Fire

[Fawn]

Originally Posted by Lilly

Everything going on outside of the white tom's head seemed foggy and distant, a great contrast from the chaotic storm that swirled within his head. Thoughts of his brother flashed before his eyes, all the way from kithood up until his final moments. The teasing comments and the heartfelt moments, all of them seemed to be crashing down on Runningheart. The tom felt his muscles tense up as he placed his paw firmly on the ground. His breathing came in long and slow, a tactic he'd learned from his mentor on how to center his thoughts and return his psyche to normal - well, as normal as it could be. If anyone knew Runningheart at all, they knew the tom was quite scatterbrained most of the time, and more often than not was seen taking a moment of silence to recollect his thoughts that tended to trip over one another.

Runningheart opened his eyes as his ears registered quite words escaping from Sandgust. Their sweet and soft tone seemed to light a tiny spark amongst the dull night that seemed to settle deep within his aching bones. Despite the tom being considered a younger warrior, he felt a million moons old with the grief that weighed heavily upon his shoulders. He recalled the slight touch of her tail on his shoulder before he had moved away. Surprisingly, it had offered more comfort than the tom thought necessary during a time like this. Since his brother's death, no one had been able to reach through to him, to get past the barbed wires and thorns that encircled his heart. But Sangust... unlike any cat - and quite possibly the only one aside from his brother - seemed to be untangling the sharp mess with each word she spoke.

The WindClan warrior raised his head at her last sentence, blue eyes wide. Their depths, which reflected stars just as Sandgust's did, also twinkled with another emotion - Surprise? Gratefulness? Whatever it was, it seemed to break through the somber expression that had made it's home on the warriors face. He felt something inside him crumble, and for once was glad that Sandgust was one of the most persistant and stubborn she-cat's he'd ever met. It reminded him a little of his brother, and that thought alone produced a tiny smile on his face as he looked at her. He knew that WindClan didn't necessarily welcome her with open arms when he'd come back with her. Some had even criticized him for bringing in a RiverClan warrior as a refugee. But despite all of that, Runningheart still knew deep within his soul that he had done the right thing, whether it followed the warrior code or not.

"I know," the tom said at last, his muscles that had been tense for most of the conversation suddenly relaxing, and just for a bit he felt the weight of all the recent tragedies lift off his shoulders. He moved just a bit closer his pale furred friend, and seemed to search her eyes for something. A few moments passed before he extended his neck to touch his nose to her head, closing his eyes as he let her familiar scent wash away his sadness, if only for a brief moment. "I'm glad you decided to come to WindClan. I know it's not been easy, but it makes me feel at ease knowing that you weren't around for the worst of the battle within RiverClan," he murmured, taking a step back to look at her. Having been consumed in his grief, he'd forgotten about how his friend was adjusting to life in WindClan. A stab of guilt pierced his heart at letting himself get too wrapped up in his own emotions, and he visibly winced a bit as the guilt shown on his face.

[[thanks again for bumping! <3
& i apologize if it's a little shorter than usual]]

While Runningheart faced an internal struggle of immeasurable pain, Sandgust was busy attempting to gauge the damage and consider her own options. It wasn't as if she could alleviate his grieving, and it may be immoral to do regardless since without loss, how did they know gain? But it was also killing her to see her friend like this, too caught up in his suffering to enjoy what life had to offer. She opened her mouth before closing it again, determining no amount of sentiment was going to help either of them under these circumstances, something she silently promised she would provide only if Runningheart made himself available to it. There was no replacing his brother with anyone or anything, nor would it be feasible to think that would ease the hurt of losing him. No herbs could magically heal those emotional wounds, and she realized that perhaps time was the sole cure, even if that wasn't always successful.

The silence between them was the most welcome she'd ever had in a lifetime since it seemed to speak louder than what they could exchange verbally. It screamed the truth, that Runningheart was in mourning and going through what could be described as unimaginable, and fed her a constant reminder of her lack of certainty. She didn't know how to be there for him but wished it was within her power.

When he broke the silence, Sandgust felt some tension drain from her simply at his tone, finding a pinch of joy in the familiarity. Stealing a glance at him, she was relieved to see he was also appearing less on edge, which helped her relax even if it didn't eliminate the cats' mess of emotions. But for a moment, all of that seemed to disappear at the contact. His nose to her head helped her forget about the complicated situation they were entangled in and allowed Sandgust to focus on nothing but Runningheart fleetingly. Jolted with affection for her companion, a weak purr tumbled from the she-cat. You're really something, Runningheart, she thought to herself, almost surprised by his ability to extend comfort when he was working through the loss of his sibling.

The reference to the battle awoke memories of Snowypaw--she had no idea what'd happened to him after leaving RiverClan. She hoped he was alright but couldn't decide if she wanted to know his fate. It was easier to pretend, sometimes, that he was alive and happy in RiverClan without her. Brushing the thoughts away, Sandgust managed to nod her agreement, "I'm glad as well." Despite the drawbacks in moving, WindClan was truly the home for her now, and having at least one close friend made the transition worth it. "I like it here." It was a new adventure and lifestyle, if not a touch lonelier without her remaining family. There was a tremble in her voice as she went on, "And I think I owe that to you."

[Brooklyn Trees]

Originally Posted by Lonestar23

The slightest chance with you. The tom started at Bronzepaw's words. His hues widened and his ears went back as though her words had physically pained him. He didn't know what to do. Bronzepaw had been there for him, she had invited him in when Moonpaw had pushed him away...but he knew that there would only ever be one she cat that he would truly care for that much. It had to be Moonpaw. It had always been Moonpaw, ever since the hill, ever since everything that had happened...it only could have been her. He didn't know what to say to the she cat as she walked away. He wanted to stop her, to help her somehow...but it wouldn't do any good. It would only lead to hurt and betrayal later on, wouldn't it? It would only lead to someone getting very, very badly... scared. What could Couragepaw do? He didn't know, he didn't know what to do or...or how to fix this. At all.

How could everything become so messed up because of one feeling? Three words? Eight letters? He had no idea, and if he had known, he would have stopped this right here and now. This needs to end. I can't play around anymore. This needs to end, and it needs to stop now. He thought angrily, his tail twitching back and forth in a frustrated manner. He was furious with himself, and with Moonpaw. What kind of a game was she playing here? What was she trying to do? Did she not like him? All of his emotions, his anger, his desperation, his sadness...they were all about to come out, but before he could, five words changed everything.

Five words sent Couragepaw's head spinning back into confusion, into sadness, into desperation...but they had melted the anger that he had felt so strongly only a moment before. How? How could Moonpaw have that power over him? Enough. He thought vehemently, his hues narrowing as he looked at his friend. But instead of his frustration spilling out, only two words could come to mind. "I know." He mewed, and then felt stupid for doing so. No, he didn't know! He didn't know what she was doing, and if he did, he would end it now! There was no telling if he would feel this way forever or not, but he wanted to figure this out and he wanted it done now.

Couragepaw wasn't used to being rejected. He had always made friends, always been able to figure his own emotions out. But now...now everything was so mixed up, and so twisted into a mess that he was sure he wouldn't be able to sort things out on his own. He needed help, and he didn't know where to get it. "Look, I don't know what's going on here! I don't know what these feelings mean, or where they came from, or how to deal with them! I don't know why I'm telling you this now, for StarClan's sake! All I know is that if you like me, say so, and if you don't, then-" Couragepaw's words caught in his throat and he could feel his vision becoming blurry. Tears. Just what he needed right now, he was so caught up in his emotions that he was about to cry.

"Then just...just don't. I-I can't do this anymore. This...this whatever we're doing. I can't promise you that I'll feel this way forever. I can't even promise you I'll feel this way for another second. But I can promise you that I feel this right now, and if you can't- if you can't accept that, then I...I can't do this." Couragepaw mewed, feeling his voice becoming choked and desperate again. He hated the sound of it, as though Moonpaw had taken away all his oxygen and left him without any way to breathe. But it definitely mirrored how he felt, how he was constantly feeling.

What had she done to him. What had she taken from him that he so desperately wanted back, that he so desperately needed? What was happening, why was this...why was this going on? Why had she said she wanted to believe him, did she...had she lost trust in him? There had to be something he was doing wrong, something he was missing here...but he wasn't sure what it was. And if he couldn't figure it out soon, he would need to move on for both of their sakes. For his heart.

Because he just couldn't play this game anymore.

@Liquoris

( I am so sorry that this took so long to post, I wasn't really sure how to have her react and even this is probably a terrible way to have her react but this was the best that I could eventually come up with that would stick to her personality realistically...)


Moonpaw's ears folded backwards against her skull against the she-cat's will as watched the look on his face and in his eyes as he watched Bronzepaw leaving. She did not react this way because of the fact that he was looking at her leaving, orthat he wasn't following her, or because Bronzepaw had just told Couragepaw something that - although not necessarily attempted to be conveyed at all - was rather... Twisting. Adding more confusion to something that was, in itself, mostly confusion. And that weird feeling.
It wasn't any of these things that made her flatten her ears to her skull.
What made her do this was the look in his eyes as though everything that was happening was hurting him more than words could express and she just couldn't watch him hurting. She couldn't help him in any way with what was happening, and the fact that - even if she could help - she wouldn't help him because of everything that was going on. She couldn't admit that this was all terrifying.

Regretting her words and wishing to be able to just run away, hide, cringe and cry in a fox hole in the woods, she watched him turning towards her. He seemed almost changed, his emotions and concentrations switching so quickly from one thing to another that she was too surprised to do much but force her ears from their pinned position in an attempt to hide the pain that his pain caused for her.

I know. She had been expecting anger, confusion, anything but the softness and calmness in his voice.
How could you know? Know what? I don't understand! She thought, frightened at how desperate even the voice in her thoughts had become.

But he wasn't finished, seemed the change his mind after speaking those two words.
He was both adding and removing the confusion, and she didn't know what was going on or what was happening. But, he was talking about feelings. The feelings that she had so willingly believed to be a lie.
But he was upsetting himself, his voice betraying what she could already see in his eyes as he spoke. The eyes that she somehow managed to mantain eye contact with regardless of his raising voice as his speech continued.

All I know is that if you like me, say so, and if not, then- He was expecting her to reply, to admit that this emotion was ripping her apart in side, and for some reason she believed what he was saying about the feeling.
She didn't yet trust him, but she believed what he was saying. She hated that she did, she didn't even know if he was being truthful or ever had been but he sounded so sincere.
Not that she could think much about how truthful he was when he looked like he was about to start crying, and it hurt her more than words could describe that she didn't know what to do, how to respond, if she even should.

Desperate to do something - to help him somehow - the cream colored feline took the few steps towards him and pressed her nose into his shoulder, unsure of exactly why she had done so, almost as if she hadn't even thought to do so. She just knew that she had needed to help him in some way.
She had wanted to say something, but whatever words she had had were lost instantly when she made skin contact with him. Moonpaw was rigid in stance, anticipating how he would react - frightened that he would be angry with her, raise his voice at her or cry. She had pressed her nose against him for her as much as for him. It hurt to see him hurting, or confused. It hurt to see him as anything, even his happiness was painful to see.

[bright !]

Originally Posted by wolybro

Wolfeye was in the clearing already; it was a little bit later in the morning and the rare sun was warming her pelt against the snow. She had recently been assigned an apprentice,and she thought this would be rather interesting. She hadn't had another apprentice in awhile,and she was rather excited to teach someone. Tinypaw was it? Her green eyes scanned the clearing,curious and looking for the ginger tom. Her ears twitched when she spotted him,standing up and shaking any loose flakes of snow on her fur as she approached him. "Took you long enough to wake up,now come on we have training to start on." she said bluntly,walking past the apprentice and immediately towards the camp exit. Her tone wasn't rude,more just matter of fact.

The tom’s eyes followed his new mentor in slits while grooming himself, hoping she wouldn't approach him. He didn't want to get to training already! He wished he was still a kit, wanting to just lay down all day and be able to mostly do what he wanted. He was spoiled, but it wasn't like he cared. He had always felt it was too early for him, felt like his kit-hood went by just a little too fast. Don't come any closer, hag! He hissed to himself as she neared. He didn't know her age, but she was older than him and that's all he needed to know. When she told him to follow her for training, he groaned and threw his head back, his own body going along with it. This was the exact opposite of what he felt like doing. “AAAGH,” he growled rather loudly-which, of course, got some looks from other cats-before bringing himself up and shaking the bits of snow off his creamy ginger pelt. He really didn't want to do anything right now. But, he was an apprentice, and he did need training to become a better warrior, better than others. He trotted over to her to catch up before padding at the same pace as her. “What are we doing today that was so important that you had to interrupt me trying to clean myself and relax on this beautiful day?” He hissed, his tone making it unclear if the ‘beautiful day’ part was sarcasm or not.

[lone]

Originally Posted by Brooklyn Trees

( I am so sorry that this took so long to post, I wasn't really sure how to have her react and even this is probably a terrible way to have her react but this was the best that I could eventually come up with that would stick to her personality realistically...)

Originally Posted by Brooklyn Trees

Moonpaw's ears folded backwards against her skull against the she-cat's will as watched the look on his face and in his eyes as he watched Bronzepaw leaving. She did not react this way because of the fact that he was looking at her leaving, orthat he wasn't following her, or because Bronzepaw had just told Couragepaw something that - although not necessarily attempted to be conveyed at all - was rather... Twisting. Adding more confusion to something that was, in itself, mostly confusion. And that weird feeling.
It wasn't any of these things that made her flatten her ears to her skull.
What made her do this was the look in his eyes as though everything that was happening was hurting him more than words could express and she just couldn't watch him hurting. She couldn't help him in any way with what was happening, and the fact that - even if she could help - she wouldn't help him because of everything that was going on. She couldn't admit that this was all terrifying.

Regretting her words and wishing to be able to just run away, hide, cringe and cry in a fox hole in the woods, she watched him turning towards her. He seemed almost changed, his emotions and concentrations switching so quickly from one thing to another that she was too surprised to do much but force her ears from their pinned position in an attempt to hide the pain that his pain caused for her.

I know. She had been expecting anger, confusion, anything but the softness and calmness in his voice.
How could you know? Know what? I don't understand! She thought, frightened at how desperate even the voice in her thoughts had become.

But he wasn't finished, seemed the change his mind after speaking those two words.
He was both adding and removing the confusion, and she didn't know what was going on or what was happening. But, he was talking about feelings. The feelings that she had so willingly believed to be a lie.
But he was upsetting himself, his voice betraying what she could already see in his eyes as he spoke. The eyes that she somehow managed to mantain eye contact with regardless of his raising voice as his speech continued.

All I know is that if you like me, say so, and if not, then- He was expecting her to reply, to admit that this emotion was ripping her apart in side, and for some reason she believed what he was saying about the feeling.
She didn't yet trust him, but she believed what he was saying. She hated that she did, she didn't even know if he was being truthful or ever had been but he sounded so sincere.
Not that she could think much about how truthful he was when he looked like he was about to start crying, and it hurt her more than words could describe that she didn't know what to do, how to respond, if she even should.

Desperate to do something - to help him somehow - the cream colored feline took the few steps towards him and pressed her nose into his shoulder, unsure of exactly why she had done so, almost as if she hadn't even thought to do so. She just knew that she had needed to help him in some way.
She had wanted to say something, but whatever words she had had were lost instantly when she made skin contact with him. Moonpaw was rigid in stance, anticipating how he would react - frightened that he would be angry with her, raise his voice at her or cry. She had pressed her nose against him for her as much as for him. It hurt to see him hurting, or confused. It hurt to see him as anything, even his happiness was painful to see.

Couragepaw's own ears went back. He couldn't do anything to help his friend...to save her. All his life, ever since they were kits, he had always wanted to save his friend. All he had ever wanted to do was to help her. And yet now here he was-- part of a problem, part of a confusion that he had caused. Why did he have to be the one to envoke this pressure on her, this pain on her? Why was he the bad cat here? For whatever reason, he had and he was. For whatever reason... he, Couragepaw, was in the wrong. And he didn't even have the slightest idea how to make this right. Please, Moonpaw... please. Please, you have to-- you have to believe me. I can't do this. Please. He wanted to yowl, to tell the whole Clan how he felt about her, but he couldn't. She didn't believe him. Or she didn't trust him. She wanted to, and she couldn't. He could see it in her expression, in her eyes...and it tore his heart in two. Why? Why him, why now? As kits, they had always played in the nursery...and Moonpaw had hit that tree...and he had been terrified. As apprentices, they had gone hunting together, done all sorts of things...and Couragepaw had loved every second of it.
　
But not like this. This was different, this was new... this was unexpected... and this was something that Couragepaw had never done before. "Moonpaw, look at me." He mewed in the softest of voices, a tone so quiet and gentle that it sounded almost just like a snowflake falling. The softest pawstep. The voice of a Mother to her kits, gentle, yet filled with command and power. He hadn't been asking her to do something. He had been commanding her to. Telling her to. She was going to look at him, whether she wanted to or not-- and Couragepaw knew that she was going to see what he wanted her to see. Oh, why couldn't he show her inside his mind? Why couldn't she see that his intentions were good, he was serious! He didn't want to leave her, and he wasn't trying to. That just wasn't his intention. But she didn't seem to believe him.
　
Had he ever hurt her before? No. So why then, did she think that he would hurt her now? That he was trying to break her? That he wanted to hurt her, to break her... because none of it was true. And he wished she would know it. He wanted to tell her. It was killing him, every second that she didn't understand-- that she didn't want to know-- and the look on her face was hurting him with every second he watched her. Why had he tried? Why had he even bothered? Moonpaw was a popular cat-- he was not. She would be surrounded by cats who loved her, and cared about her-- he would not. She was going to grow up with a handsome, strong tom-- and he would end up alone. Without her. Without Moonpaw, he didn't really have a future in WindClan-- and although that was taking it to the extreme, that was how Couragepaw's mind worked. The only thing he wanted right now was to be with Moonpaw, and, if he couldn't have that... then what was the point? What was the point of living in a Clan without a friend to lean on? Oh sure, there would be Bronzepaw-- there would always be Bronzepaw. But Bronzepaw was sad right now, and angry with him.... because she had had feelings for him, and he didn't. And he felt horrible. But what was he supposed to do? Nothing.
　
Although he knew Moonpaw's touch was meant to be comforting, he couldn't stop the tears from springing to his amber hues. He was terrified-- and they were tears of worry, frustration, fear and anger-- not tears of sadness. "I want you to believe me." He whispered in a low voice, unsure of what else to say. I want you to believe me. That was the only thing he could say. And slowly, gently, he curled his tail around Moonpaw's... looking at her to see if she would allow him to stay like that, and if she would, he would venture further. But right now, this contact with his friend was the nicest thing he'd gotten to have in a long time... and he was happy living in the moment. He was happy here, with Moonpaw, right now-- not sometime in the future. This was going on now, and Couragepaw would have stayed here forever if he could.

[ChameweonRainbow]

Originally Posted by Nighty

Gorseflower jumped in fright as Horizonkit leaped back into a wakeful state. She was screaming. Wait, screaming?! Gorseflower jumped into action, flinging herself at the clearly terrified kit. She curled her body around the kit and ran her paw and tail over her in an embrace and soothing action. She knew she shouldn't bring it up. It must have been a night terror, like she had been having recently, that caused her not to sleep as a kit. Instead of bringing up the topic, she just sat there caressing the blue kit, trying to get her to calm down. She purred words of comfort to the young she cat. "Shhhh darling it's alright. You're awake now. Nothing bad is here. It's just mommy. Calm down." She purred, her voice steady and calm. Even though she appeared so calm about the situation, she was still extremely worried for her kit. Why was she having these dreams like this? She didn't know. Maybe she should ask some of her friends, and if that didn't work, then she would be forced to take Horizonkit to Surgestorm even if she didn't want to.

The tiny midnight she-kit was unaware of her mother's comforts and she shrieked louder. "NO! I'M BURNING!! STOP IT! STOP IT! IT HURTS!" Then she made a terrible gurgling noise as if she was choking. "Stop.. you.. you're killing.. m.. me!" Horizonkit rasped. She thrashed in agony and clawed at her throat as if to try and release herself from some invisible grip. Then she suddenly went still. She mewled and shivered in pain, the scratches on her throat from her thrashing now welled with some blood. "I'm dead.. I'm gone.. I burned away.." She moaned. She continued to shake and groan in pain from wounds that didn't exist.

[goddess of ducks]

Originally Posted by ChameweonRainbow

The tiny midnight she-kit was unaware of her mother's comforts and she shrieked louder. "NO! I'M BURNING!! STOP IT! STOP IT! IT HURTS!" Then she made a terrible gurgling noise as if she was choking. "Stop.. you.. you're killing.. m.. me!" Horizonkit rasped. She thrashed in agony and clawed at her throat as if to try and release herself from some invisible grip. Then she suddenly went still. She mewled and shivered in pain, the scratches on her throat from her thrashing now welled with some blood. "I'm dead.. I'm gone.. I burned away.." She moaned. She continued to shake and groan in pain from wounds that didn't exist.

Gorseflower didn't move. She knew this was her still experiencing the night terror. She had not had many night terrors in her life, but she knew what they were like. Night terrors, unlike nightmares, were the ones that seemed extra real and extra scary. They were the ones that allowed you to mix up reality and the dream world. She knew that's what this was, and apparently it was dealing with fire. "Horizonkit, honey open your eyes. Look at me. You are safe. There's no fire here and you're not hurt. Look at me my darling." she cooed sweetly, not relenting in her smooth caresses to calm the she kit.

[ChameweonRainbow]

Originally Posted by Nighty

Gorseflower didn't move. She knew this was her still experiencing the night terror. She had not had many night terrors in her life, but she knew what they were like. Night terrors, unlike nightmares, were the ones that seemed extra real and extra scary. They were the ones that allowed you to mix up reality and the dream world. She knew that's what this was, and apparently it was dealing with fire. "Horizonkit, honey open your eyes. Look at me. You are safe. There's no fire here and you're not hurt. Look at me my darling." she cooed sweetly, not relenting in her smooth caresses to calm the she kit.

Slowly the midnight pelted she-kit began to quiet down, her thrashing ceased and her mumbling reduced. Finally, she opened her scared eyes filled with tears. "Mommy?" Horizonkit said, her voice hoarse from screaming. "Mommy I'm so scared. I hurt all over," she groaned while tears streamed down her face. Her throat was covered in claw marks from her own claws and they were red with blood. She had clawed at her neck in terror so much that the scratches had bled. The shivering, whimpering kit burrowed into Gorseflower's side and cried quietly into her warm fur. "It hurts so much mommy! I died!. The cat's face melted out my eyes and choked my neck until it broke!" She wailed. This kit, so young, should not have known of such terrible things let alone experience them as she slept. The tiny kit gripped her mother's fur like a life-line and was shaking so hard you would've thought she was a furry leaf caught in the wind.

[>Pepsi<]

Originally Posted by NightWarrior4Life

"You sound very unsure...if there's a problem with the thunderpath I understand if we can't visit it...there's always another day." The grey she-cat purred. My...perhaps she's a little indecisive?

"No, no problem, but we will it, or even touch it," Her green eyes filled with worry, her expression begging her apprentice to listen. Flamestorm came to a halt as she spotted a monster, roaring in-front of her. "Stay close, please," She flicked her tail. "Actually go now, not to far but...Don't go near the path!"

[Brooklyn Trees]

Originally Posted by Lonestar23

Couragepaw's own ears went back. He couldn't do anything to help his friend...to save her. All his life, ever since they were kits, he had always wanted to save his friend. All he had ever wanted to do was to help her. And yet now here he was-- part of a problem, part of a confusion that he had caused. Why did he have to be the one to envoke this pressure on her, this pain on her? Why was he the bad cat here? For whatever reason, he had and he was. For whatever reason... he, Couragepaw, was in the wrong. And he didn't even have the slightest idea how to make this right. Please, Moonpaw... please. Please, you have to-- you have to believe me. I can't do this. Please. He wanted to yowl, to tell the whole Clan how he felt about her, but he couldn't. She didn't believe him. Or she didn't trust him. She wanted to, and she couldn't. He could see it in her expression, in her eyes...and it tore his heart in two. Why? Why him, why now? As kits, they had always played in the nursery...and Moonpaw had hit that tree...and he had been terrified. As apprentices, they had gone hunting together, done all sorts of things...and Couragepaw had loved every second of it.
　
But not like this. This was different, this was new... this was unexpected... and this was something that Couragepaw had never done before. "Moonpaw, look at me." He mewed in the softest of voices, a tone so quiet and gentle that it sounded almost just like a snowflake falling. The softest pawstep. The voice of a Mother to her kits, gentle, yet filled with command and power. He hadn't been asking her to do something. He had been commanding her to. Telling her to. She was going to look at him, whether she wanted to or not-- and Couragepaw knew that she was going to see what he wanted her to see. Oh, why couldn't he show her inside his mind? Why couldn't she see that his intentions were good, he was serious! He didn't want to leave her, and he wasn't trying to. That just wasn't his intention. But she didn't seem to believe him.
　
Had he ever hurt her before? No. So why then, did she think that he would hurt her now? That he was trying to break her? That he wanted to hurt her, to break her... because none of it was true. And he wished she would know it. He wanted to tell her. It was killing him, every second that she didn't understand-- that she didn't want to know-- and the look on her face was hurting him with every second he watched her. Why had he tried? Why had he even bothered? Moonpaw was a popular cat-- he was not. She would be surrounded by cats who loved her, and cared about her-- he would not. She was going to grow up with a handsome, strong tom-- and he would end up alone. Without her. Without Moonpaw, he didn't really have a future in WindClan-- and although that was taking it to the extreme, that was how Couragepaw's mind worked. The only thing he wanted right now was to be with Moonpaw, and, if he couldn't have that... then what was the point? What was the point of living in a Clan without a friend to lean on? Oh sure, there would be Bronzepaw-- there would always be Bronzepaw. But Bronzepaw was sad right now, and angry with him.... because she had had feelings for him, and he didn't. And he felt horrible. But what was he supposed to do? Nothing.
　
Although he knew Moonpaw's touch was meant to be comforting, he couldn't stop the tears from springing to his amber hues. He was terrified-- and they were tears of worry, frustration, fear and anger-- not tears of sadness. "I want you to believe me." He whispered in a low voice, unsure of what else to say. I want you to believe me. That was the only thing he could say. And slowly, gently, he curled his tail around Moonpaw's... looking at her to see if she would allow him to stay like that, and if she would, he would venture further. But right now, this contact with his friend was the nicest thing he'd gotten to have in a long time... and he was happy living in the moment. He was happy here, with Moonpaw, right now-- not sometime in the future. This was going on now, and Couragepaw would have stayed here forever if he could.

Moonpaw was trying as much as she could manage to force back the tears that were pricking at her eyes, forcing her to close them against Couragepaw's fur. She wasn't going to cry here or now, she wouldn't allow herself to cry, would fight tears if it meant her life to stop them from spilling over into his fur.

Look at me. Moonpaw slowly opened her eyes again, peering somewhat timidly towards the tom's face. She wasn't one to get timid, not unless Couragepaw was nearby. The softness in his voice was strange, - almost too soft - and it scared her to be near him when he spoke in that way.
I want you to believe me. She closed her eyes again and pressed her nose against his neck as he said this. She didn't know how to respond. She wanted to believe him with all she was worth but she was afraid to believe him so quickly.
It seemed nearly impossible - too good to be true - but she wanted it to be true.

Moonpaw felt his tail connect with hers, intertwining with it and stiffened slightly - in surprise - before relaxing into him again, wanting to simply dissolve or sink into his soft fur and be part of him forever.
"I want that too." She mewed, half afraid that saying so would make him pull away from her.
"I-I... I just don't know how." Her voice was as soft as she could make it and she was unsure if it was even audible anymore.

How was it so terrifying, trying not to say the wrong thing - She had known this tom for what seemed like her whole life, though it had been since they were three moons old.
She could still vividly remember the first day that she met him. Playing in the clearing, running to the apprentices' den and asking to be shown different fighting moves, racing out in the clearing.
They had been closer than littermates - at least closer than she had been with any of her littermates - and she loved him as more than that now, and had for a while.

[lone]

Originally Posted by Duskflight

If anyone in this clan should know that yowl aside from her mother, it should be Pinepaw, it was distinct in the way it nearly cracked with the excitement that was always in it, the lightness of it, how it was sharp and nearly squeal-like in the beginning but soft at the end as it left her practically breathless. Whenever it was possible Adderpaw liked to try and great her best friend like this, with that yowl and with tackling him, regardless if she actually surprised him or not, she just felt like it was... The right thing to do. The right way to great your closest friend. Especially now that he was an apprentice, her greeting might have even been filled with more excitement than usual.

"Not long, I just snuck right up! You're too easy to sneak up on Pinepaw, if you were an enemy warrior, you'd be sent home squeaking like a kit!" Teased the yellow tabby with a giggle, keeping her friend pinned seeing as how he wanted to try and escape, an air of triumph crossing her face, proud that she was able to keep him pinned. The word that had always haunted her slowly rolling across her mind, Runt, she grinned even more.
So much for being a runt now right?
If anyone dared to call her that name again then she would have to show them who she truly was, what she could do, because she was not some weak cat. Not at all.
It seems she had zoned out whilst pinning him, but was brought back around by his question, her ears perking up and her gaze clearing to look down at him in slight confusion before realizing what was going on and laughing, stepping off of him and giving her pelt a shake.
"I was hoping that you'd actually put up some kind of fight, I guess I just thought I would have to stay there forever!"
Snicking quietly, she sat down and curled her tail over her paws and looked Pinepaw over. "Got any plans today mister big scary apprentice?" Asked the young she-cat with that same smile that caused the edge of her eyes to turn slightly upwards.

Rookpatch didn't miss the flinch and it caused sharp emotional pain to sting into his very heart, nearly causing him to stop mid-sentence and give up what he was saying. Breath hitching in his throat, he did take a pause, clenching his jaws shut and gulping, but there was nothing but a dry click in his throat.
Speak slowly, you can do it. He heard his mate's voice in his head coo to him. Closing his eyes he would take a small breath before continuing on and finishing what he was saying to his new apprentice. When he was finished, he nearly couldn't find the courage to open his eyes and look at Heartpaw, the edges of his lips quivering as if tears were about to sting his cheek. But slowly he did open his eyes to look at her, breathing out slowly. He wasn't going to cry in front of his apprentice.

His heart sank just a little lower as he saw the discomfort written so clearly on the young cat's face and at this point, he had to look away, feeling his nose sting and then his eyes as tears threatened to spill.
Why can't you speak normally you stupid, jittery ball of crowfood? Mouse got your tongue or something? Or are you too scu-scu-scared? The taunting voice from the past jeered in his mind, causing his body to rack slightly, Rookpatch trying his absolute hardest not to burst into a crying mess. It had been so long since this has happened, he had been doing so good, he thought he was actually getting better and yet here he was, on the verge of bawling in front of his apprentice. He wasn't cut out for this, he wasn't cut out for being a warrior.

Heartpaw's voice brought him back and he slowly looked over, eyes glossy with threatened tears, he couldn't tell if she was just trying to be nice to him or was genuinely excited. Sniffling quietly, the male calico simply nodded his head and turned around to lead the way out of the clearing.
I'm not going to be able to do this. I can't speak to her. I can't. His mind thought bleakly.
Why can't I just speak normally? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I do something as simple as talking? Why do I have to be like this?

His mind was a whirlwind again and he found himself wishing to be with his best friend Blazingstar, or to be with his mate, Marigoldrise. But no, he had a job to do. And he was going to do it.

Truth be told, the young tom was slightly embarassed at not having heard the yowl at once-- and acknowledging it, but it felt right at the same time. This seemed like the sort of thing best friends would do. And he and Adderpaw were best friends now-- coming such a long way felt right to him, especially after everything that had happened. And now... since they were the best of friends-- Pinepaw was finally satisfied. It felt so nice to know that there was a cat out there who truly cared about him, and whether he lived or died, and would have his back in battle.
　
Though the chilling words that she had spoken still shook him anytime he thought of them-- I'll give you one more chance. That was all he had, he couldn't blow this, and he couldn't fake it since it wasn't a game to anyone anymore. To any cat who looked at the two apprentices, they probably seemed as though they had been best friends forever. But if only they knew the backstory between them, they would see something much more. Sacred, almost. "It's not my fault you crept up on me and scared me! That's your problem, and if you were an enemy warrior I'd have clawed your ears off!" Pinepaw mewed with a short laugh, and then looked satisfied as she got off of him.
　
In all honesty, sometimes the cheerful tabby was almost too much for him-- but then it was moments like these, when she finally got off, that reminded him what good friends they were. The best of friends, as he would always remember. Pinepaw doubted he would ever forget what one little game had cost him... especially since it had almost cost him happiness, or at least, a chance at happiness. A chance to be a normal kit-- no, apprentice now. And even if the other apprentices hated him, he would have her.
　
The one cat who seemed to understand. And the one cat that he was sure would always be there for him, no matter what.
　
"Hm. It'd be a good idea to stay on your guard, Adderpaw, because--" He stopped and leapt at her, aiming to knock her over. She was larger then he was, but he hoped he had the element of surprise on his side. "I might do something like this!" He cried as he sprang towards her, paws outstretched, claws carefully kept sheathed in an attempt to make sure that no one would get hurt-- especially his special friend.
　
Oh no. Don't cry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please don't cry! Heartpaw's throat was too seized up to speak, but she comfortingly put her paw on his. "I'm sorry, don't cry, please...I-I didn't mean to upset you, truly I didn't..." She mewed in the softest voice she could manage. Being cheerful and happy didn't seem right here. Whatever she had done, she had just about made her mentor cry-- and that was something that sent chills down her spine and disappointment running through her mind. She went through everything she had said and done-- oh. How angry she had looked? No, not angry-- sad. Or disappointed. Those emotions had been going through her mind at the time, and she guessed they had shown on her features.
　
And now she had hurt his feelings, through looking as though she didn't care. Or as though she were uncomfortable-- she wasn't quite sure. "So! It's Rookpatch, right? And I'm Heartpaw-- well, you already knew that, heh... sorry, I ramble when I get excited, I'm thinking about so many things right now... uhh... oh yeah! Just in case you forgot, I'm Heartpaw-- I already said that though, so you know who I am," The apprentice laughed. It was a goofy attempt to cheer him up-- but she was hoping with everything in her that it was one that would work, one that would cheer the tom up and instead of being sad, he would look much happier. That would certainly make her happy, at least.
　
"Tell me if I'm talking too much for you. I like to get to know cats, heh... so what do you like to do? Hunt? Run? Do you have a lot of friends, or a big family? I don't. I mean, I had a lot of friends, but most of them avoid me nowadays. And I lost my family. It's okay, though-- I know they're watching over me from StarClan. Most of them, anyways." Heartpaw continued to ramble on, knowing that eventually she could get through to the nervous tom and would hopefully be able to make up for the uncomfortable start they had gotten. She was a sweet cat; at least, she tried to be, but it was impossible to be completely friendly and kind all the time, and Heartpaw was a living example of that. Considering how she had completely pushed her best friend away in favor of another cat she didn't know and most likely would never talk to, let alone get to know.