mental health journeys ('cause this is important)

[-Ash-]

Originally Posted by Arie

-- @Kai @Trouble @Panda1440 --

Thank you all for sharing your stories, it means the world to me that you guys feel comfortable for sharing it.
I feel inspired to share a bit more of mine as well as well as some of my own coping mechanisms that I've gotten thanks to my psychiatrist but also my speech therapist.

I go regularly to therapy, twice a week, one time with my psychiatrist who helps me tackle the social anxiety part of my diagnosis and gives me tools to help manage the added anxiety and stress I suffer from via my AS diagnosis too. She has helped me a lot and is the one I spend the most time with, as in my own belief and hers, I need to tackle the stress, or at least reduce it to a manageable level before I can start working on my lack of skills.

I also go to a speech therapist, despite actually having no problems with speaking and the basics of that, but this is body speech. The language of the body, and as an Aspie I lack skills here. I cannot understand basic body language and I often struggle to interpret these things. Simply looking people in the eyes is a big struggle for me, and understanding when is the appropriate time to do X, Y, Z is a natural thing for me now. Gaining an interest in people is a struggle, and another thing I'm working on as well... and all of this takes times.

WIP -> will add more in the morning but wanted to get this out.

It does sadden me that not everyone has access to the same opportunities and that not everyone has family/knows people that embraces and understands the struggle with mental health and mental illnesses and disorders.

My parents just don’t see there’s something wrong with sitting in a closet and crying for almost a week

[ChillCat]

@Moon Lily I have pretty bad social and generalized anxiety, so just going to school and having to navigate social situations is difficult. On top of depression, adhd, and autism this doesn't help at all XD but I'm trying really hard even if i have big problems.
I can't go to therapy because divorced parents constantly fighting over my mental health is a pain in the butt so i can't
Mom is extreme narcissist (r/raisedbynarcissists is a nice subreddit) and my dad's adhd is arguably worse than mine so he's probably the most annoying person on earth to me but he's done so much for me despite the circumstances so I can't really complain.
My mom had been directly fighting against me because she doesn't want me to be medicated even though I desperately need it and it took 2 years for her to admit I have any problems at all. She's the type to ignore when I'm suffering, I once fractured my arm in a school play and she told me to get back up on stage and keep going even though I was crying and she didn't want to take me to the hospital. she's a nurse practitioner and she sucks

[Moon Lily]

small bump

[spade]

figured i should add my story up here to normalize this topic, as i hate that in 2021 there is still a stigma around it.

TRIGGER WARNING: following post contains discussion of panic disorder and bipolar disorder. read at own discretion.

I started first experiencing depression (or just being really really sad and numb) back when I was 15 (2010) because of parental and family issues. Lots of acting out, getting into toxic relationships/friendships just so that I could have people in my life, disregarding how they treated me. Everyone had friend that picked on them to an extent, right? Anyways, that was my first experience with anything mental illness related, up until 2016-2017, but to be quite honest I don't remember much of the specifics to this day (aside from a very dark day in Feb 2017 that, if it hadn't been for a mistake on my part ironically, I wouldn't be here)

Fast forward to fall of 2017 and I had just moved down to LA. Everything went great actually, and for the first time I felt really healthy and happy. That lasted untiiiiiil about May of 2018, when I had one of the weirdest experiences of my life. For a good two, two and a half weeks, I was ZOOMING. Up at 5am, ready to go, excelling at work and overall just going about EVERYWHERE I could, despite not having a car. Lots of poor decision making (mainly financial) was made, and it wasn't until my primary care doctor pointed it out that I realized what was happening.

That was the first time I heard the words 'bipolar' in a medical setting, directed at me, as a possible diagnosis, and I thought "there is no way in hell that's me lol, doctors can be wrong". So on I went about my business.

Just as I was settling into LA, I had two rather traumatic experiences happen in late 2019/early 2020 (pre pandemic) centered around my first adult mature relationship, and the group of friends I had come to call as family down here. This started a downward spiral that didn't surface until fall of 2020.

August 25th, I remember it clear as day. I was just working away, typing at my desk, when my heart rate went up... and my blood pressure... it felt like my throat was closing... so, like any rational person, I headed to the ER, because as strong as I think I am, I can't handle a heart attack on my own.

But it wasn't a heart attack. It was a panic attack.

Thus started up the conversation again from where it left off in 2018, and long story short after numerous testing and appointments, I was diagnosed not only with panic disorder, but bipolar disorder (specifically, bipolar two). This terrified me, and didn't fully sink in until I had yet another hypomanic episode that cost me my long hair, $2,500, and a couple of friends.

I ended up having to go on disability insurance, away from work to recover. Days that were once spent enjoying life and catching up with friends now revolved around psychiatrist appointments and therapy sessions. Medication after medication was recommended and tried, until we eventually found a combination that worked (ish, that part is still being ironed out haha).

Now, I'm not one to ever say that my life is run by mental illness. You won't ever catch me saying I suffer from panic disorder or bipolar disorder. Instead, it's just a fraction of who I am. Truthfully, I still wrestle with it. I still have moments where for a second I want to believe that I don't have anything, and that I am perfectly fine and just ignore it. But by doing so, I feel in my mind that I'm giving into my mental illness and letting it win. So I take daily steps to get in front of it; medication, therapy, exercise, writing (s/o WCO) anything that makes me feel like myself again and not some victim of my own mental health.

Reading everyone's journeys on here makes me hopeful for the future. I truly hope that we are not far off from removing the stigma around mental health, and one day are able to discuss it openly without fear of judgement. We're all human beings struggling with something, whether that be our sexuality, identity, race, religion, upbringing, mental health, etc.

Each and every person is valid in their own story and their own journey. Thank you all for having the tremendous courage to share your stories, and thank for you providing a safe enough space to allow others like myself to feel like they can share theirs.

- spade

[-Ash-]

<3 I'm sorry you had to go through that @spade

[stag]

bump on this

[Moon Lily]

[littlelove]

sharing about mental health is so so so important. if you all don't mind, i'm gonna share my Fun Times over the last few months!

in the past... month-ish, i've come to the realization that i prrrrrrrobably have OCD. you might think of ocd as wanting everything to be perfect, or obsessive cleaning, or things like that but it is so. much. more than that.
i've got (mostly) pure O. what that means is that instead of doing physical routines to alleviate the anxiety, i just ruminate and obsess over whatever is stressing me out (usually real events that happened in my past, which my head uses as justification for me being some horrible person), or confess my wrongdoings to my mom. for days.

on top of that, ocd latches on to just about anything. these are called 'themes'. i won't go too deep into any themes because a lot of the prominent ones are based on VERY touchy subjects, but usually it centers on the idea that the sufferer are these (sometimes horrible) things that they're not, or they are becoming something they don't want to, based upon intrusive thoughts or past experiences or things like that. it plays with your head and it's horrible. of course that's just how i've experienced it so far, and again, ocd latches on to just about everything, so take this abridged explanation with a grain of salt; it's so much deeper than just this.

flash back to the end of december 2020, there i am wondering why i was having debilitating anxiety over being a horrible person. literally every mistake i made, even when i was a literal child, was replaying in my head. it was so scary.

... and then it just. didn't stop. for the past 2 or so months ive been basically quaking in my boots over the idea that every mistake i've made has made me the worst person possible and that i deserve to be punished or exposed for it all. it lulls sometimes, if i'm lucky i can be fine for a week or two, but it just ends up coming back. i've closed almost all my social media in paranoia.

the WORST PART?
the only way to heal from most forms of ocd is exposing yourself to your triggers, and just sitting with the stress it causes you. literally me being here right now under this username is exposing myself to a trigger right now. this process is called exposure and response prevention. i'm slowly but surely trying to get myself back to normal.

genuinely, i'm still at the beginning of this all. i keep looking back to weird habits i had in childhood (and some that still persist today) and they make so much more sense. it still all kinda feels hopeless; my mind keeps trying to convince me that noone would ever want me while it rattles off every little mishap i've done. but i know it's not true, and i know my head is overblowing it because that's exactly what ocd does. i wouldn't wish the feelings it gives me on my worst enemy. there's a future for me, somewhere, even if my head doesn't want me to see it, haha.

to everyone else in this thread: i am so proud of you. please keep taking the steps towards healing, because you do deserve it. it will get better, you all have very bright futures, and i'm rooting for you.

[iliri]

I struggle with anxiety, depression, autism, SAD, and probably much more. It has been quite a while since i have it and I really haven't went to therapy yet even though my parents have talked to me about taking me to one. I really am introverted so if I went, I would of probably barely spoke due to how little I barely ever socialize with other people in real life. Then again, I probably have OCD due to how stressy I get from one simple little mess. By the way, showing your mental health is extremely important. Don't hold it in like I did, it just made it way worse for me and caused me to suffer a whole lot.

[Moon Lily]

I was reading through old replies the other day and stumbled upon this again. I would just like to thank everyone who posted on this thread - your stories show incredible strength, resilience and determination. What you've been through shows true struggle, and I'm sorry that you've had to go through it. But it's remarkable to see that still, you're all fighting for something better, each in your way.
It's great to see that what I posted reached so many people.

I figured I might as well reflect on my progress a year or so onwards. A lot has changed recently, and I feel like it might be helpful to look back on it.

The last time I posted, I mentioned that I was looking to start therapy for my GAD/SAD.

So far, I've been going to CBT therapy once a week for about 8 months. I'm learning how to manage my anxiety more effectively.

My journey with anxiety has been a long one. I've struggled with it since primary school, and I can still remember how terrifying it felt to have my first anxiety attack, and to be so anxious I became physically ill.

And you know what? I can safely say that I've improved.

I've been having anxiety attacks less frequently, and I'm able to get through day-to-day tasks with little hassle (answering the phone, ordering food, getting groceries, doing schoolwork, socialising etc.).
While I still get anxious thoughts and anxiety attacks, I'm working on healthily processing them, and reaching out for help when I need it.

Jump to my recent battle with a whole different form of mental distress (suspected depressive disorder).

I was told that depression and anxiety can often come hand-in-hand, but I didn't think much of it until I started to break down in April this year.
I started to become unmotivated, I felt low and numb all the time, and a lot of the things that used to energise and interest me slowly became too stressful to deal with. There were periods when I felt so low, that I wouldn't want to do anything but sleep, lie in bed and scroll through Youtube.

The most surprising thing for me was that nobody noticed. My parents had their suspicions, of course, but I was so determined to show everyone that I was alright, that I neglected my mental health and did my best to function as per usual.

Tomorrow, I'm having my first conversation with a therapist about my depression.

Mental health is not an uphill battle. It dives, and twists, and is inconsistent. The road to recovery and management takes time - but that doesn't make it any less worth it.

Getting support, or even admitting that something is wrong can be scary. But your struggle is valid. It might be different for everyone, but it's still there. Even if you so much as suspect that something is off, it's better to talk about it rather than leave it to fester.

I'd just like to say that this message still applies to those not struggling with mental health issues. We've all struggled with something in our lifetimes, and the takeaway is still the same. Get support. Don't struggle alone, and don't ignore how you're feeling - because chances are, that will only make things worse.

Take recovery and management one step at a time, and focus on getting better. Go to therapy, write in a journal, try to find coping mechanisms, take care of your overall health. Keep your options open - don't be afraid of medication, or professional help (see my first post).

I've received messages before from people who don't feel safe getting support, or feel they cannot get support/professional help. I'm so sorry that you have to go through that, and also that you are not able to receive the support you need and deserve.

If you have access to a private device (and feel safe doing so) try calling or texting a local helpline. They can be extremely helpful and offer excellent support.
Otherwise, try online therapy sites. I've seen a few of them before (I can't recall any names) and friends who have used them found them quite useful.

If you don't feel safe doing any of the above, there are still options. Writing down or recording how you feel, talking to somebody you trust, meditating or mindfulness can help. I've also seen sites that take you through certain therapy exercises (such as postponing/rationalising anxious thoughts, in my case).

If anybody has recommendations for support methods, please share them!

Best of luck to all of you on your journeys. Things will get better with time, and people are there to support you every step of the way. You deserve to feel better and I am so proud of you for every step you take towards recovery/management.

Don't be afraid to share more stories or the progress that you've made over the past year. Normalising these topics is so important - and so is offering encouragement to those who need it.

I believe in you!

Lots of ,

- Moon