Reviewing OCs!

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Before I joined this website, I always wanted to review warriors OCs. Now I can! Here is the basic form:
Name:
Past Name(s):
Gender:
Rank:
Past Rank(s):
Clan:
Appearance:
Age:
Personality:
Family (Mate and Kits included):
Backstory:

The cost will be 75 KK. Hope this isn't too much. Be sure to mention me.

[Vixenstar]

Name: Shatteredheart

Past Name(s): Cinderkit, Cinderpaw, Cinderheart, Cinderstar

Gender: Female

Rank: Leader

Past Rank(s): Kit, Apprentice, Warrior (She was never deputy of any Clan)

Clan: Dark Forest

Past Clan(s): ThunderClan, DarknessClan (a rogue group)

Appearance: Gray with brown splotches on her ears, flanks, tail, and paws. Her right eye is blue and her left eye is green.

Age: ~30 moons (at death)

Personality: Used to be mischievous and cheerful. Is now evil and belligerent. (Read backstory for a better overview of this)

Family: Kestreltalon (sister), Squirreldash (niece)

Backstory: Cinderpaw grew up with a positive outlook of life and determination to fulfill her destiny. After she became a warrior, Cinderheart became disgusted at how much the Clans were fighting. She believed that for the Clans to have peace, they must push fighting to the max. She broke off from ThunderClan and teamed up with local rogues to create "DarknessClan". She called herself Cinderstar. After DarknessClan recruited enough members, they attacked ThunderClan. Both sides lost many cats, but the most horrifying was Kestreltalon, the current deputy of ThunderClan, killing her own sister to stop the battle. Cinderstar went to become a leader of the Dark Forest, and gave herself the name "Shatteredheart" in remembrance of how much the Clans, and herself, had been shattered.

Cause of Death: Killed by Kestreltalon



[ @TroubleandTsunami ]

[-Ash-]

Originally Posted by Vixenstar

Name: Shatteredheart
Great name! It makes me feel like she's gonna be evil. Wait, I'm right. 10/10. THe suffix -heart is used a lot, but it fits her, so...

Past Name(s): Cinderkit, Cinderpaw, Cinderheart, Cinderstar
Ok. 10/10, not much to judge there.

Gender: Female
Can't judge.

Rank: Leader
10/10

Past Rank(s): Kit, Apprentice, Warrior (She was never deputy of any Clan)
Ok... I feel like I've "skipping a rank" a few other times... 8/10

Clan: Dark Forest
K. 10/10. Not much to judge

Past Clan(s): ThunderClan, DarknessClan (a rogue group)
Makes sense. Although, ThunderClan is kinda the most used Clan... 9/10

Appearance: Gray with brown splotches on her ears, flanks, tail, and paws. Her right eye is blue and her left eye is green.
I've never heard of an apperance quite like this. I like it, although I did have to use Google to get a visual. 7/10

Age: ~30 moons (at death)
Either you make your OCs young or I make my OCs old, because my youngest OC is 28 moons lol. Can't judge

Personality: Used to be mischievous and cheerful. Is now evil and belligerent. (Read backstory for a better overview of this)
Based off of the backstory, I imagined this. You really show her personality in it. 10/10

Family: Kestreltalon (sister), Squirreldash (niece)
I like that you show how they're related to Shatteredheart. Both Kestrel - and Squirrel- are overused (in my opinion), but the suffixes are cool. 6/10

Backstory: Cinderpaw grew up with a positive outlook of life and determination to fulfill her destiny. After she became a warrior, Cinderheart became disgusted at how much the Clans were fighting. She believed that for the Clans to have peace, they must push fighting to the max. She broke off from ThunderClan and teamed up with local rogues to create "DarknessClan". She called herself Cinderstar. After DarknessClan recruited enough members, they attacked ThunderClan. Both sides lost many cats, but the most horrifying was Kestreltalon, the current deputy of ThunderClan, killing her own sister to stop the battle. Cinderstar went to become a leader of the Dark Forest, and gave herself the name "Shatteredheart" in remembrance of how much the Clans, and herself, had been shattered.
Ok. I really like how she thought that fighting would bring peace. In a way she reminds me of a female Tigerstar... The creating rogue group and naming it a Clan is overused (in my opinion), 8/10

Cause of Death: Killed by Kestreltalon
10/10



[ @TroubleandTsunami ]

98% Great job! I have weird opinions, so plese don't think you have to listen to me.

[Vixenstar]

Originally Posted by TroubleandTsunami

98% Great job! I have weird opinions, so plese don't think you have to listen to me.

yeet

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Bumpo

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