[ Small note, this was supposed to happen before the mink battle and should be treated as such, thank you so much for your patience with me ]
It took longer for Shockholly to get around to speaking to her kin than she would have liked. For all his past flaws, Wolffang was a good warrior, a responsible and dedicated tom, and had made a great deal of progress in regards to his past prejudices.
She only wished she'd lived long enough to see them for herself, though she's not sure that she'd have given him the chance to explain himself or apologize if she was still alive.
It was Featherwhisker's fault, truly. She'd gotten her poisoned talons and hateful words into both Moorpaw's head as well as Wolffang's at such an early age.
But being kittens didn't take away the hurt and trauma their bullying and silence had caused them growing up. It didn't change the past or make anything that happened to her acceptable, but it made it easier for Shockholly to come to terms with, to forgive and accept the changes Wolffang had undergone.
But that wasn't the only reason she was pulling her nephew into a dream, and she'd have to put their pasts behind them for now. Maybe one day, they'd get to resolve the twisting tumults that had made up their strange, broken little family, but unless Wolffang brought it up, she would not.
She hoped he didn't.
She's not sure she'd be able to patch the walls she'd built around herself if they were to allow a breach for even a moment, and she did not want to sour their new relationship before it had even begun.
She sighed. Being anxious over what was, and what could be would get her nowhere, and put what was important one hold.
Shockholly sighed once more, trying to steel herself. Trying to stop thinking about it.
If she could just pretend it was someone else, she would be fined, and dandy, and they could get through this and....
And they were doing it again.
Stalling.
This would hardly get easier, whether they jumped in or they waited, it would be just as hard for them all the same. Nothing was going to make the emotions go away or make the past something other than it was.
They were fine. They were okay now. They'd let themself on a walk, to rid these emotions. They could do it now.
Instead of expecting to not have to deal with it, they decided they needed to be blunt with Wolffang about their past before they did anything about training.
Otherwise they'd be asking for a world of pain to hope he wouldn't ask, and for him to inevitably do so.
Dammit, why was family so complicated??
Focus, they reminded themself.
Shockholly closed their eyes, and made themself go through the steps that Coldamber had taught them about dream weaving. They went through each step slowly, making sure they got it right.
It was far from the first time, but this one was just.... They needed the ritual, the distraction from who they were contacting.
And then, opened their eyes, and nearly balked to be seeing their nephew in person for the first time in years.
They couldn't get over just.... How large he was.
And he looked so much like Dimtail.
The brother that acted as a father when their own had all but abandoned Shockholly when Moorpaw died. It made their heart squeeze painfully at the thought.
They sat in silence for so long, too long, trying to think of anything to say.
What could they say?
What did you say to kin you never had a good relationship with, after not seeing them for years? After not taking the chance to talk when they'd previously died?
They ducked their head, feeling so foolish at that moment. They'd prepared themself for this, and here they were being childish, acting scared, as if they hadn't just praised him for the growth he'd made.
But they couldn't help it.
They couldn't help the memories that were burned into their mind when they saw him, that still shaped who they were even in death. It was going to take getting used to, but they needed to make that effort for Wolffang. He didn't deserve their hate.
They made themself stand up straight again, to look their nephew in the eye, and to speak to him.
"Were you always larger than me?"
[ @
TheNyanCatMinecart ]
They Say You Die Twice
