Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star... [P]

[Akira]

Originally Posted by Dirtfur

Dirtfur nodded and listened, staring back at the green eyes until Eelkit had his interest in something else. “And that’s okay, to be not sure I mean,” Dirtfur added quickly, then went back to using his ears. “Indeed,” the old tomcat agreed, “Being trapped myself, especially when I was a loner, was not pretty. Though…” Dirtfur would’ve said more things aloud if he did not keep his voice low and muttered. Shaking his head, he looked back to Eelkit. “If there is one thing I learned when I died, Eelkit, is to never let things get the best of you and do nothing about it or… do something that worsens the situation.”

"I know. I've seen more cats ruin their lives in those ways than I care to count," Eelkit huffed, kicking at a random pebble that happened to be in front of him. He could think of many cats that it applied to: Aspenstrike, Dogbark, Skystar... There were so many poor cats who ruined their own lives, simply because they didn't do something to help change their situation, or did something to make it worse. Honestly, he felt bad for most of them, though he figured some deserved it, but that was his personal opinion, and no one cared about his opinion, anyway. However...

"Letting things get the best of you is fine," Eelkit said, a small frown on his face. "If some things didn't get to you, then something's wrong: would you not let the death of your loved ones hurt you? In my opinion, it's fine to let things hit you in your heart. What's not fine is allowing that to hold you back. It's not gonna help you, or those around you. Grieving, crying, anger... Getting upset over something that hurts is okay, but letting it control you and your choices is not. You've got many choices to make in life: don't spend most of it making the wrong ones."

[Dirtfur]

Originally Posted by Ritsuka

"I know. I've seen more cats ruin their lives in those ways than I care to count," Eelkit huffed, kicking at a random pebble that happened to be in front of him. He could think of many cats that it applied to: Aspenstrike, Dogbark, Skystar... There were so many poor cats who ruined their own lives, simply because they didn't do something to help change their situation, or did something to make it worse. Honestly, he felt bad for most of them, though he figured some deserved it, but that was his personal opinion, and no one cared about his opinion, anyway. However...

"Letting things get the best of you is fine," Eelkit said, a small frown on his face. "If some things didn't get to you, then something's wrong: would you not let the death of your loved ones hurt you? In my opinion, it's fine to let things hit you in your heart. What's not fine is allowing that to hold you back. It's not gonna help you, or those around you. Grieving, crying, anger... Getting upset over something that hurts is okay, but letting it control you and your choices is not. You've got many choices to make in life: don't spend most of it making the wrong ones."

The warrior hummed agreement. Though he only got glimpses, he could tell that Skystar was one of the cats who ruined their lives. Fear bounced in his gut as his mind focused on Sunpaw, his second and last “son”. Even just glimpses in the real world did not give Dirtfur enough evidence to guess that Sunpaw was ruining his life, and that worried Dirtfur. If only he had the power to change the apprentice’s destiny -in fact he wished that he had the power to change his own. But StarClan and many other unknown forces were not in his favor. He does not have such powers, only to be in dreams…and he guessed, no!, he knew that Sunpaw won’t be cheerful to have an old cat who left the ‘paw and his brother in his dream.

Dirtfur wasn’t sure if it was good that Eelkit continued, breaking the former spirit’s thoughts. Should he be grateful or devastated to not get a chance to finish his thoughts? But the sad Dirtfur vaguely answered the question already: he would never finish the thoughts.

He nodded and listened for like the hundredth time, in this conversation -quickly, Dirtfur muttered to himself that he did it millions of times in every conversation he had since he got into StarClan. If Eelkit’s intention was to get Dirtfur to recognize his problems when he was alive, then the wise kit succeeded. To his ears, it was almost like Eelkit was talking about the once-dirt cat himself and how he should’ve behaved in the lively world. Nonetheless, he nodded because he rather respect and hear the wise cat’s side than being ignorant of his failures.

As Eelkit finished, Dirtfur did not spat out any more words. He had no other things to say nor topics to add on, and wondered if this would conclude the end of their meeting. In all honesty, this was the first time he had a long conversation with somecat and losing such momentum had only washed the despair and the feeling of being lost in short chats with friends onto his clean brown fur. The only thing he could do was look back on the memories. Then he realized something as he went over the memories again. He swore that he saw a pattern or something similar to that.

The beginning seemed normal, where Dirtfur stumbled into his quiet place and saw the older spirit of Eelkit that was thinking in his special place -Dirtfur assumed, since his first guess was wrong as he figured that the kit was Eelkit, who should be able to know StarClan even when he has been here for a hundred moons. Then, the pattern began as Dirtfur was asked if he wanted to talk about his thoughts. He remembered the time he asked Eelkit the same question, which was ignored, and reminded himself on how the young-like -yet older and wiser- kit gave some advice, offers, and wisdom that comforted Dirtfur. Would a spirit like Eelkit have the ability to comfort others in the past hundred moons or so, or was this the first cat he had ever comforted?

Either way, there was still one thing that Dirtfur never got the answer of: What was upsetting the wise Eelkit in the first place? He could ask him again, but the last time did not work. Maybe a guess would help the Eelkit to reveal the answer? Thinking back on it then, the comforting, the hundred moons, and how he puts Dirtfur’s thoughts and worries first. This may be all in Dirtfur’s head, but he knew that something was troubling Eelkit, and he wanted to pay back the kit for the comfort he had given to the former deputy.

With a deep breath, the warrior finally spoke, “Indeed, we should not let things hold us back from many choices and many tasks, like how I did nothing but get sick as a deputy, or like… how you should not let yourself get upset over having to talk to a cat outside of StarClan.”

[Akira]

Originally Posted by Dirtfur

The warrior hummed agreement. Though he only got glimpses, he could tell that Skystar was one of the cats who ruined their lives. Fear bounced in his gut as his mind focused on Sunpaw, his second and last “son”. Even just glimpses in the real world did not give Dirtfur enough evidence to guess that Sunpaw was ruining his life, and that worried Dirtfur. If only he had the power to change the apprentice’s destiny -in fact he wished that he had the power to change his own. But StarClan and many other unknown forces were not in his favor. He does not have such powers, only to be in dreams…and he guessed, no!, he knew that Sunpaw won’t be cheerful to have an old cat who left the ‘paw and his brother in his dream.

Dirtfur wasn’t sure if it was good that Eelkit continued, breaking the former spirit’s thoughts. Should he be grateful or devastated to not get a chance to finish his thoughts? But the sad Dirtfur vaguely answered the question already: he would never finish the thoughts.

He nodded and listened for like the hundredth time, in this conversation -quickly, Dirtfur muttered to himself that he did it millions of times in every conversation he had since he got into StarClan. If Eelkit’s intention was to get Dirtfur to recognize his problems when he was alive, then the wise kit succeeded. To his ears, it was almost like Eelkit was talking about the once-dirt cat himself and how he should’ve behaved in the lively world. Nonetheless, he nodded because he rather respect and hear the wise cat’s side than being ignorant of his failures.

As Eelkit finished, Dirtfur did not spat out any more words. He had no other things to say nor topics to add on, and wondered if this would conclude the end of their meeting. In all honesty, this was the first time he had a long conversation with somecat and losing such momentum had only washed the despair and the feeling of being lost in short chats with friends onto his clean brown fur. The only thing he could do was look back on the memories. Then he realized something as he went over the memories again. He swore that he saw a pattern or something similar to that.

The beginning seemed normal, where Dirtfur stumbled into his quiet place and saw the older spirit of Eelkit that was thinking in his special place -Dirtfur assumed, since his first guess was wrong as he figured that the kit was Eelkit, who should be able to know StarClan even when he has been here for a hundred moons. Then, the pattern began as Dirtfur was asked if he wanted to talk about his thoughts. He remembered the time he asked Eelkit the same question, which was ignored, and reminded himself on how the young-like -yet older and wiser- kit gave some advice, offers, and wisdom that comforted Dirtfur. Would a spirit like Eelkit have the ability to comfort others in the past hundred moons or so, or was this the first cat he had ever comforted?

Either way, there was still one thing that Dirtfur never got the answer of: What was upsetting the wise Eelkit in the first place? He could ask him again, but the last time did not work. Maybe a guess would help the Eelkit to reveal the answer? Thinking back on it then, the comforting, the hundred moons, and how he puts Dirtfur’s thoughts and worries first. This may be all in Dirtfur’s head, but he knew that something was troubling Eelkit, and he wanted to pay back the kit for the comfort he had given to the former deputy.

With a deep breath, the warrior finally spoke, “Indeed, we should not let things hold us back from many choices and many tasks, like how I did nothing but get sick as a deputy, or like… how you should not let yourself get upset over having to talk to a cat outside of StarClan.”

Eelkit didn't fail to notice the silence that Dirtfur fell into as he spoke, nor did he fail to notice his facial expressions change. Ah, so Dirtfur had, in fact, been one of those cats, huh? It didn't surprise him, given the rumors he'd heard... Perhaps he thought the words were targeted mainly to him? Well, yes and no. It was targeted to the fools who remained trapped by their wrong choices rather than move on to make the right ones. Fools, but he couldn't blame them for not knowing any better.

When Dirtfur eventually spoke, Eelkit blinked and narrowed his eyes slightly. Ah, right... He'd been repeated asking what was wrong, and Eelkit had repeatedly been avoiding answering him. This was most likely an attempt to get him to talk about it, huh? Though... He was wrong in one aspect. Well, if Dirtfur was willing to get his ear talked off by an old kit, the very least Eelkit could do was answer his questions, right?

"I don't mind talking to others outside of StarClan: in fact, I usually enjoy it. It teaches me how times have change and how Clan life is now, especially if it's from other kits," Eelkit answered. Then, his gaze darkened and he glared at his paws, his voice taking a more bitter tone. "What I dislike is being the bearer of bad news, and witnessing and murder without being able to stop it or at least speak up about it."

[Dirtfur]

Originally Posted by Ritsuka

Eelkit didn't fail to notice the silence that Dirtfur fell into as he spoke, nor did he fail to notice his facial expressions change. Ah, so Dirtfur had, in fact, been one of those cats, huh? It didn't surprise him, given the rumors he'd heard... Perhaps he thought the words were targeted mainly to him? Well, yes and no. It was targeted to the fools who remained trapped by their wrong choices rather than move on to make the right ones. Fools, but he couldn't blame them for not knowing any better.

When Dirtfur eventually spoke, Eelkit blinked and narrowed his eyes slightly. Ah, right... He'd been repeated asking what was wrong, and Eelkit had repeatedly been avoiding answering him. This was most likely an attempt to get him to talk about it, huh? Though... He was wrong in one aspect. Well, if Dirtfur was willing to get his ear talked off by an old kit, the very least Eelkit could do was answer his questions, right?

"I don't mind talking to others outside of StarClan: in fact, I usually enjoy it. It teaches me how times have change and how Clan life is now, especially if it's from other kits," Eelkit answered. Then, his gaze darkened and he glared at his paws, his voice taking a more bitter tone. "What I dislike is being the bearer of bad news, and witnessing and murder without being able to stop it or at least speak up about it."

He was close, but not enough. He would go at it again, but Eelkit finally revealed what could upset him. Noticing the change in tone, Dirtfur bit his tongue and made sure not to step on a badger’s head if he interrupts. Although Eelkit corrected Dirtfur’s mistake, it still left what a reason that could’ve upset the old kit.

Maybe Dirtfur should try a different approach? Try to relate to the kit? But what stopped this was the fact that the former deputy had not been to any dreams. In fact, had he ever had a dream with a cat outside of the afterlife before? This only left Dirtfur with just two options, and giving up was not his go to option! Taking the first hint from how Eelkit ordered what upset him, Dirtfur opened his maw.

“So… right now you’re having trouble bearing bad news to a cat?”

[Akira]

Originally Posted by Dirtfur

He was close, but not enough. He would go at it again, but Eelkit finally revealed what could upset him. Noticing the change in tone, Dirtfur bit his tongue and made sure not to step on a badger’s head if he interrupts. Although Eelkit corrected Dirtfur’s mistake, it still left what a reason that could’ve upset the old kit.

Maybe Dirtfur should try a different approach? Try to relate to the kit? But what stopped this was the fact that the former deputy had not been to any dreams. In fact, had he ever had a dream with a cat outside of the afterlife before? This only left Dirtfur with just two options, and giving up was not his go to option! Taking the first hint from how Eelkit ordered what upset him, Dirtfur opened his maw.

“So… right now you’re having trouble bearing bad news to a cat?”

"No, I've given the news, but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Not to mention being witness to a murder and being unable to stop it," Eelkit almost spat, his green eyes narrowed and tiny body bristling. Honestly, StarClan was too cruel, especially to it's residents. And the worst part? Now Eelkit was lumped in with them. Great. "I had to bear news to someone that they weren't able to have kits, no matter what, and I had to go pick up a kit's spirit after being murdered, and then I went to go comfort said kit's mother while she grieved for her son. Tell me, am I not allowed to be bitter about it all? I may have spent many moons in StarClan but, at my core, I'm still a kit: why me???"

[Dirtfur]

Originally Posted by Ritsuka

"No, I've given the news, but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Not to mention being witness to a murder and being unable to stop it," Eelkit almost spat, his green eyes narrowed and tiny body bristling. Honestly, StarClan was too cruel, especially to it's residents. And the worst part? Now Eelkit was lumped in with them. Great. "I had to bear news to someone that they weren't able to have kits, no matter what, and I had to go pick up a kit's spirit after being murdered, and then I went to go comfort said kit's mother while she grieved for her son. Tell me, am I not allowed to be bitter about it all? I may have spent many moons in StarClan but, at my core, I'm still a kit: why me???"

The former loner’s head and tail drooped as he failed once again to understand the kit. He thought that bearing news was a way of telling a cat about how they just died. But that guess was nothing compared to what Eelkit went through. A kit been murdered and that kit’s mother was told that they could no longer have kits.

“Of course you are, and you have the right to be so.” Dirtfur wrapped his tail around Eelkit to comfort him. A strange familiarity was felt in the warrior’s head. Has he done this before when he was alive? Trying to comfort those who are sad around him, but failed to understand and let them down quicker than how immediately they became depressed? Would this be the same?

“I think….” He slowed the pace of his meowing, taking his time to think what to say next. “They gave you the task because …. You can comfort others, even when their smiles have changed into frowns.” With a smile aiming to be assuring, he added, “You certainly waved away a rainy cloud that was dancing on my head; after a while, the mother’s cloud would soon go away too…, maybe even remembering how you helped lead her kit to StarClan and smiled back on it.”

[Akira]

Originally Posted by Dirtfur

The former loner’s head and tail drooped as he failed once again to understand the kit. He thought that bearing news was a way of telling a cat about how they just died. But that guess was nothing compared to what Eelkit went through. A kit been murdered and that kit’s mother was told that they could no longer have kits.

“Of course you are, and you have the right to be so.” Dirtfur wrapped his tail around Eelkit to comfort him. A strange familiarity was felt in the warrior’s head. Has he done this before when he was alive? Trying to comfort those who are sad around him, but failed to understand and let them down quicker than how immediately they became depressed? Would this be the same?

“I think….” He slowed the pace of his meowing, taking his time to think what to say next. “They gave you the task because …. You can comfort others, even when their smiles have changed into frowns.” With a smile aiming to be assuring, he added, “You certainly waved away a rainy cloud that was dancing on my head; after a while, the mother’s cloud would soon go away too…, maybe even remembering how you helped lead her kit to StarClan and smiled back on it.”

Despite normally against such against to him, Eelkit allowed Dirtfur's tail to wrap around him. It didn't exactly make him feel better, but it did comfort him somewhat. He remained silent whilst the former deputy spoke, but he let out a quiet scoff at the tom's last few sentences. Yeah, right. If he truly had that so called comforting effect, neither Seedheart nor Lilycreek would've yelled at him. They also would've have been so stubborn to believe him. They also wouldn't have been so eager to dismiss him and snap at him for doing his job. They also-!

Eelkit took a deep, shuddering breath and closed his eyes, attempting to calm himself down amidst the anger he felt start boiling in his stomach. No. He had no right to get angry for any of that. It was understandable, after all: Seedheart had been so eager to have kits of their own, and Lilycreek had just lost her son. It was understandable that they were such emotional wrecks. Still, the kit couldn't help but wish he hadn't had to deal with the brunt of their anger.

"Surely there's other, much older cats that are better for comforting grieving cats than me, no?" Eelkit spoke after a few moments of silence, his voice as tiny as his stature. "There are many souls in StarClan: surely there's one much older and wiser, and more willing to give such news and take the brunt of the anger from the recipients than me, right?... Right?"

[Dirtfur]

Originally Posted by Ritsuka

Despite normally against such against to him, Eelkit allowed Dirtfur's tail to wrap around him. It didn't exactly make him feel better, but it did comfort him somewhat. He remained silent whilst the former deputy spoke, but he let out a quiet scoff at the tom's last few sentences. Yeah, right. If he truly had that so called comforting effect, neither Seedheart nor Lilycreek would've yelled at him. They also would've have been so stubborn to believe him. They also wouldn't have been so eager to dismiss him and snap at him for doing his job. They also-!

Eelkit took a deep, shuddering breath and closed his eyes, attempting to calm himself down amidst the anger he felt start boiling in his stomach. No. He had no right to get angry for any of that. It was understandable, after all: Seedheart had been so eager to have kits of their own, and Lilycreek had just lost her son. It was understandable that they were such emotional wrecks. Still, the kit couldn't help but wish he hadn't had to deal with the brunt of their anger.

"Surely there's other, much older cats that are better for comforting grieving cats than me, no?" Eelkit spoke after a few moments of silence, his voice as tiny as his stature. "There are many souls in StarClan: surely there's one much older and wiser, and more willing to give such news and take the brunt of the anger from the recipients than me, right?... Right?"

The former deputy awaited a response from the kit. He expected worse from Eelkit. Though his answer was not the worst, it is awful in telling Dirtfur that Eelkit did not enjoy much of his words, especially the last sentences. Although a flinch would be an understandable respondent to the scoff, Dirtfur kept his tail where it is, but loosened the wrap’s tightness.

Followed by the scoffing was a breath that shuddered the kit just enough that the young spirit’s -Dirtfur- tail vibrated from it. He recognized the practice in his lifetime, one used to calm some of those that were around Dirtfur. He kept his tail still, nor loosen its grip.

The many or a couple of heartbeats later, the silence was sliced by Eelkit’s high voice. It reminded the young spirit that the elder spirit may look like a kit, but have wisdom and knowledge of ten elders. “StarClan works in different ways. Maybe they sent you because others were busy. Maybe it could be a lesson that you haven’t learned.”

[Akira]

Originally Posted by Dirtfur

The former deputy awaited a response from the kit. He expected worse from Eelkit. Though his answer was not the worst, it is awful in telling Dirtfur that Eelkit did not enjoy much of his words, especially the last sentences. Although a flinch would be an understandable respondent to the scoff, Dirtfur kept his tail where it is, but loosened the wrap’s tightness.

Followed by the scoffing was a breath that shuddered the kit just enough that the young spirit’s -Dirtfur- tail vibrated from it. He recognized the practice in his lifetime, one used to calm some of those that were around Dirtfur. He kept his tail still, nor loosen its grip.

The many or a couple of heartbeats later, the silence was sliced by Eelkit’s high voice. It reminded the young spirit that the elder spirit may look like a kit, but have wisdom and knowledge of ten elders. “StarClan works in different ways. Maybe they sent you because others were busy. Maybe it could be a lesson that you haven’t learned.”

Eelkit had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Dead cats being busy? With what? Ignoring their relatives and Clans, standing and watching while they tear each other up, and rarely interacting with any of them? Or maybe he needed to learn a lesson? Of what? What, in his over 100 moons in StarClan, did he need to learn? That being a messaged was awful? That the living will hate you when you deliver news? Please. It was more believable to think that Eelkit would be remembered and be revived than any of the fox dung that Dirtfur supplied as excuses, but whatever.

"Yeah, real busy ignoring the living, and me learning the fact that being a messenger is awful," the once RiverClan kit grumbled, kicking a nearby pebble irritably. Ugh, StarClan, and the Clans too, was a whole mess. Why did he have to be dragged into it? Even in death, Eelkit wasn't given mercy, huh.

[Dirtfur]

Originally Posted by Ritsuka

Eelkit had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Dead cats being busy? With what? Ignoring their relatives and Clans, standing and watching while they tear each other up, and rarely interacting with any of them? Or maybe he needed to learn a lesson? Of what? What, in his over 100 moons in StarClan, did he need to learn? That being a messaged was awful? That the living will hate you when you deliver news? Please. It was more believable to think that Eelkit would be remembered and be revived than any of the fox dung that Dirtfur supplied as excuses, but whatever.

"Yeah, real busy ignoring the living, and me learning the fact that being a messenger is awful," the once RiverClan kit grumbled, kicking a nearby pebble irritably. Ugh, StarClan, and the Clans too, was a whole mess. Why did he have to be dragged into it? Even in death, Eelkit wasn't given mercy, huh.

Dirtfur could only fake a smile, and that might not work as well! He inhaled, but let out no sigh to be heard when he exhaled. The former RiverClanner looked up at the sky, no details of it being day anymore. “I think you need some more alone time,” he meowed at last. “I’m going back to the camp. I’ll be next to the prey pile if you want to talk to me again.” He padded to the entrance, giving one more sad look at the Eelkit, then turned back away and moved onwards.