No matter how often she's seen, or even been a harbinger of, death it doesn't get easier. She'd thought, for the most part, she would be numb to the passing of her Clanmates, of her kin, especially after Falconfeather, and especially after she came back only to find Springburst, Rushwater and Tansypaw gone. Of course, she'd reconnected with Wither, but she'd thought the constant loss in her life would have made seeing death again so much easier. Even as her chest tightens with the thought of her daughter in the medicine den, and another of her daughters here, in her embrace, cold and stiff and lifeless.

Somehow, this loss is different. It is not the loss of her mother that she had felt when she was an apprentice, it is not the loss of her brother, who she had felt at the time - and still feels now - got what was coming to him. It's not the quiet disappearance of Rushwater, and it's not the likely death of Springburst. It's not one of Fishfreckle's many disappearing acts either. It's final. And there's a claw embedded deep in her neck at the thought of it, at the feeling of Calico fur nestled tight.

 

Her ears are ringing, and through quiet, whole body shuddering sobs, she does not hear Mountainspring's condolences, she does not feel Owlstar press tight. She barely feels Fernkit tucked into her. Numb to the world around her. She wants to scream, to go out beyond RiverClan territory and find a poor unsuspecting rogue she can tear tooth and claw into, that she can rip the throat out of and strip of all tendons and ligaments to avenge the fate of her daughter - of both her daughters.

She wants to carve out their muscles while they're still alive, make them suffer so she doesn't have to anymore. It's vulgar. It's violent. And Larkwing would follow through in a heartbeat given the chance.

She doesn't have that chance, though, there's still Fernkit to think about. Oh... oh, Fernkit...

"Come here, Fern," she whispers, nudging Fernkit closer. She doesn't want to force the kit to interact with a corpse, but she wants Fern to have the chance to say goodbye to her sister. She's have to be buried sooner rather than later considering they don't know how she died - it might be contagious and the spread of that would spell disaster. "Houndkit's going away now," she says with a watery smile and a lick between her daughter's ears. "We have to say good- goodbye to Houndkit," her voice wavers slightly. How is she supposed to tell Faithkit what happened? To tell Fishfreckle? She can almost hear her mother's spirit laughing at her.

Her gaze feels hollow as she moves her attention to Owlstar, who still sits by her. "Faith- Faithkit needs to see her," it's half a request, half a plea for Owlstar to fetch the snow white kitten out of the medicine den. She half expects it not to be followed through with. She half expects to be the one who will need to get up to go to her. But it feels wrong, to parade through camp with the still body of one of her children. It feels humiliating for little Hound. She doesn't want to put her through that, even if she is dead and she could hardly know what's happening.

[ @Rowan - fern || @kira - mountain || @Marigoldwhisper - owl ]