It had been nice recently, warmer days with skies that were, more often than not, free of clouds. Fine days that Cloverdust approached with bright eyes and a keen interest in experiencing.

Today wasn't so nice. It was cold, as most days in leafbare were, and it was snowy, as most days in leafbare were. Cloverdust didn't care for the cold, sure, but it didn't bother her too much, and she liked the snow—so why was everything feeling so wrong today?

As she trudged through the ever-piling snow without a destination in mind, she thought back to what had happened in the clearing just a few days ago. Blizzardwind had—she'd seen—her former mentor had been lying in the middle of the camp. Dead, she forced herself to think the word. Dimly, she thought back to her days as an apprentice. They weren't the most pleasant, but Blizzardwind was a good mentor, even to her awkward self. It didn't feel right to imagine a world without his presence in some capacity. Her stomach twisted with a feeling she couldn't quite place.

Oh. She'd happened upon Cattail Pond. Cloverdust glanced at the decayed stalks of cattails surrounding the frozen water, a mite of disappointment flickering in her upon noticing that they had yet to spring up for newleaf. But then her gaze wandered, and those thoughts vanished.

She'd never given much thought about death, believing it to be something far away from her, but when she was faced with her former mentor's corpse in the clearing... it felt like everything within her had come to a standstill. He was up in StarClan now. Cloverdust thought back to that conversation she'd had with Nightspark. StarClan was all-powerful, all-knowing, able to protect the Clans and the cats within it—so Blizzardwind would be fine up there, right?

Even with that reassurance, she couldn't shake these muddled feelings that seemed to have a hold over her. She didn't think she was sad. No, that didn't feel like the right word. She couldn't place the emotions swirling through her—all she knew was that she felt off. Cloverdust sat down at the edge of the pond, shivering as the ground sucked all the warmth from her. Snow drifted lazily from the sky, decorating the pond and all the land around it with white.

That deep chill that settled in her bones, numbing her paws and sending tremors up her spine, was a welcome distraction to her confusing thoughts. She settled deeper into the snow, tucking her paws beneath her. She stared down at the edge of the pond and watched the sun's rays on the ice shift as it crested ever-so-slowly across the sky. Perhaps she'd meld with the freezing ground and be freed from the way she was feeling right now.

[ open! ]

Too absorbed in memorizing all the little cracks on the shimmering ice, Cloverdust didn't realize someone else had arrived until she heard a voice nearby. Her ears flicked in acknowledgement, but she didn't move from her chilly spot in the snow and grass. "How am I..." she sighed. "That's yet to be seen. Perhaps I'll know later."

At what Smokethroat said next, she hummed absentmindedly. Cloverdust tucked her paws under her chin, staring out at the pond. "I'm finding it hard to see the beauty right now," she murmured. Any other day, she'd be leaping at the opportunity to proclaim the wonder of the water and the frozen world around it, but today she just couldn't scrounge up the energy.

Light flakes of snow gathered on her face, around her eyes and on the tip of her nose. Cloverdust paid it little mind as she tilted her head to look up at her clanmate. "I take it you're faring better than me?"

[ @Ethereal. ]