Warrior Cats Online - ThunderClan Nursery

Quote:

Originally Posted by iliri (Post 1673874)

https://warriorcatsonline.com/forums...ictureid=59328
Spring
long-furred, scarred, oriental-shaped, gray-and-orange calico molly with blue eyes; torn right ear
purrks: herbal knowledge - tier 2 | the collector | mind reader | dreamwalker
she/her | … | 25 moons

cw: slight mentions of disordered eating & depression

The last few weeks had been agonizing; both physically and mentally for herself. She hadn't been bothering to consume as much prey as she would’ve liked, mainly prior to the constant agony she’s been withstanding from this pregnancy itself. She knew she looked starsdamned awful. Her once well-groomed pelt had lost its luster, now dull and unkempt, a reflection of how little effort she’d had to care for herself. Her ribs, though not jutting out, were far more visible than they should have been, and the hollowness beneath her eyes betrayed sleepless nights spent tossing in pain and anxiety. She wasn’t blind to the accusations in camp, or the judgmental looks that were cast her way. It was as if the clan knew how far she’d let herself spiral. Maybe they were right. Maybe she had let this situation beat her down more than it should have. But stars, she was trying. Maybe to them it was nothing, but to her, she was trying to get herself to do something productive. The kits moved restlessly within her, another hellish reminder of how close she was to bringing them into this damn world. A constant ache radiated from her sides and lower back, a weight pressing down on her so relentlessly she felt as though she were carrying stones in her belly instead of her own flesh and blood. She could barely manage the effort to drag herself out of the nursery anymore, let alone deal with the biting glares of her leader.

And Bumblestar… Spring winced, knowing deep down that she deserved every ounce of frustration her leader carried toward her. She had failed. Failed Wolfpaw, failed the task she had been entrusted with, and failed to live up to the second chance that Bumblestar had begrudgingly given her. She’d known this conversation was coming, dreaded it even as she told herself she would find the strength to face it. Yet, as Bumblestar’s shadow darkened the nursery entrance, Spring’s stomach twisted with a sharp pang of fear and guilt. Her leader’s gruff voice cut through the suffocating quiet of the nursery like claws on stone. Spring’s ears twitched, her head lifting weakly as her blue gaze drifted to the figure looming in front of her. Bumblestar’s expression was carefully blank, but her twitching tail spoke volumes of the irritation boiling just beneath the surface. Spring swallowed hard, the lump in her throat nearly choking her as Bumblestar sat before her, the tension between them undeniably palpable. Her words hung in the air like a storm cloud, and Spring felt the weight of them settle over her shoulders, dragging her lower. She wanted to snap back, to defend herself, but her body and spirit were too worn down for any defiance. Instead, she let out a shaky breath, lowering her gaze briefly before forcing herself to meet Bumblestar's eyes. “I know,” she rasped, her voice dry and weak. “I know… I’ve failed…. I won’t… deny that.”

Her tail curled tighter around her paws as she shifted uncomfortably, the pain in her joints flaring with even that small movement. “I wanted… to train Wolfpaw... I truly did... but every time… I tried to… force myself… to get up… to push through… the pain… it felt like… my body was… giving out… on me.” She paused, her chest rising and falling unevenly as she fought to keep her composure. “This pregnancy... it’s been more… painful than… I ever imagined… it’s like… my body isn’t… my own anymore... every step hurts... every breath… feels heavy... I haven’t slept… properly in days… and I can’t… even stomach prey… most days without… wanting to be… sick... I know… how pitiful… that sounds... I know… it’s not good… enough... to make up… for what I did… but I swear… to you… Bumblestar… I never meant… to not train… Wolfpaw.” Spring’s voice wavered, her tone tinged with desperation as her tattered ears pressed against her head. “I’m sorry.” The apology felt weak rolling off her tongue, but it was genuine. A true, real genuine apology for neglecting the one thing she was told to do. She doubted the leader would believe her words, and the pregnant feline almost braced herself for any incoming stinging words to come flying at her. She would deserve it though, any failure like herself deserved it, just like Smallsky had told her in that damned dream a few days ago just to make the calico feel more horrible about herself.

“As for… the Outskirts,” she continued quietly, her paws shuffling uncomfortably beneath herself. “There's not much… to tell... it was… only Wolfpaw… Drizzlecloud… Yarrowcrest… Pinepaw… Poppypaw… and Orangeblossom… of whom… I visited… through dreams.” Spring’s voice faltered, her gaze dropping to the floor as though she could avoid the weight of Bumblestar’s judgment. The effort of speaking, of dredging up any ounce of memories and confessions, was almost too much for her. Her throat tightened as her thoughts scrambled, trying to piece together anything else that might help her case. “But that’s… it,” she mumbled after a long pause. “I’ve kept… nothing hidden… no one else… I swear it.” Her tail twitched nervously, curling tighter around her swollen belly as if seeking some kind of comfort herself.

@dino. (just getting this out asap so that I can work on springbaby birth thread <3)

She knew. She knew, and yet she had done nothing to rectify it. Bumblestar’s upper lip twitched in the beginnings of a poorly suppressed sneer. “A moon,” she forced out through gritted teeth. “You’ve been here a moon ‘n this is the first I’ve heard of this. Could’ve sent someone to get him from the medicine den to come here, instead of sittin’ around like you’ve been this whole time. The one thing I’ve asked you to do - it hasn’t happened. I’ve no pity for you. Not for this.” The apology meant little with how little effort had been shown.

Bumblestar was aggravated already, but Spring’s next words set her off like lightning striking dry grass. "You visited APPRENTICES instead of-” She cut herself off with a snarl as she rose to her feet, pacing in a sharp line in front of Spring. "Drizzlecloud I understand. I get Orangeblossom. But apprentices, Spring? Are you kiddin’ me? You spoke to them over ME?"

A forepaw lifted, claws flashing. Bumblestar forced it down again with a sharp THWACK against the earth before it could lash out elsewhere as she spun to face Spring head-on again. "I can’t believe you. What the hell was goin’ through your head? I thought we were- I thought you cared-” A shaky intake of breath, equally unsteady as it blew out again. “No, I already knew this. I don’t know why I tried to keep my hopes up.”

Somehow, this hurt more than the first time had. She had hoped there was something there, still, to spur on a proper apology, so that she could, in time, manage forgiveness. There was not. This made it clear there was not and there never was. She had been used and then discarded when she no longer served Spring’s purposes, once and now twice.

Her eyes darted to Spring’s belly as the she-cat curled her tail over it. For a brief moment, with thoughts stained scarlet in her anger, she horribly considered ending this whole debacle now, starting with the thing Spring had made this deal for in the first place. It would be SO easy to just sink her claws into the queen’s stomach and tear until there was nothing left. The notion was visible in the way her pupils narrowed and her hackles lifted. It wouldn’t take but a moment.

She forced herself to look away after a too-long pause. Angry as she was, she couldn’t forgive herself for even thinking it; the aftermath of following through would be worse.

“Train him,” she spat, refusing eye contact. “Now. Or it’ll be my claws in your throat once those kits are out of you.”

With a lash of her tail, she turned and shouldered roughly out of the den.