What made her stand out. Why she was here in the first place. This made her pause. Why was she here? Starclan was, quite frankly, not so bad. She was warm. Fed. Surrounded by loved ones. That thought gnawed at her brain. She had everything here. Anything she could possibly need, at her paws. She was... alright, here.

But as she stared down the chaos of her clan, her home, she felt she could not stand by for too long.

She had considered bringing Lilycreek with her, but she vetoed it almost immediately. Let her aunt rest. She'd done enough for the clan- more than enough. This... this was her idea. Her mindscape. Her guilt. Her clanmates were down there. The new leader, Larkstar, was young, but promising. She would flourish, with Birdsnow at her side.

Or stars, Birdsnow. Her Birdsnow. She was still so, so proud, giddy even, that she had to fight hard to keep a hopeless smile off her face. God, she missed Birdsnow. Birdsnow knew she was watching her. She cared. Even in death.

With a newfound bravery, the young Riverclan warrior drew her head up in a mask of calm and purpose. "Hello. I'm Kestrelskies. My reason for wanting to resurrect," she began, "well... it is rooted deeply in my loyalty and worry for my home.

As you may already know, I was blinded in one eye during a Windclan skirmish, and then killed in another. Though," she added truthfully so as to not make it seem like she was pinning the blame of her death solely on Windclan, "part of it was due to my own carelessness. I rushed headfirst into fighting because I only saw the need to protect my clanmates. I did not stop to reason, to see that Berryfrost was not intent on killing. I accept this as my fault completely." She swallowed. A pit was growing in her stomach, which her heart twisted itself in a tight loop.

"Through the course of my life, I have served dutifully." She said this looking away, because this was not a gloating point, nor was it something to hold as a trophy. It was something was should be instills in every cat in the clan. "And it is in my nature, not only as clan cat, but as friend and comrade, to continue to serve." At this, she lifted her gaze back to the Council, a gleam in her eyes. Her soul was wrapped in a kind of determination, the stubbornness her clan was known for. "I will stay by my leader's side, as I place trust in Gingerstar's choice. I will remain by Larkstar's side, because I have seen she is thoughtful and fair, and I have seen there is anarchy waiting to happen. My clan has been on the edge of chaos with the outside and inside several times in my lifetime." At this, she trailed off, not wanting to waste anyone's time. (Though time was plentiful in the afterlife, she hoped that the Council would appreciate such a gesture anyhow). "If I am granted a second chance, I hope that I will be able to help guide my clan to more hopeful times, and that I can...reunite with old acquaintances."

Lame. That was lame. She let out a small, shuddery sigh, before lifting her head again. All was left now was to answer questions, and wait for the decree.

Kestrelskies noticed as only one member of the Covenant showed up, which caused her to wilt a little. Was her case really so inconsequential? Then again, she was sure many cats csme everyday in order to sppeal themselves to the council. Perhaps they were all tired at this point.

But, at least the member that had come was kind, and have a polite tone. She had at least expected prejudice and spite ignited from old clan feuds, but this queen didnt seem to care. Like Lilycreek. Her aunt would have liked her.

Her heart twisted itself into a knot.

"I suppose I could," she answered truthfully. "If it not for one thing. I... never actually got the chance to prove myself to be a fine warrior. I never had the chance to prove I could serve my clan. Though I have my name, it was given to me one my dying breath." She paused for a moment, before her face broke into a rueful grin. "So perhaps, my reason is more selfish than I have let on. I apologize for any deceit. But... this is my duty. My way of repayment. I can only influence the world below so much from here in Starclan. And," she said, meeting her gaze to the queen in a fierce blaze of conviction. "A territory war is all the more reason to go back. I understand well what it is like, to be caught between a battle of two clans." At this, the fire that burned so brightly in her eye dimmed, and she lowered her head. "I'll be damned if I allow myself to watch as my home gets caught in more conflict."

Despite her pricky outer-shell, Kestrelskies has never wanted conflict. Despite her confrontational and ahouty means, she never once wanted fighting. That was a different kind of evil. The kind she was unwilling to submerse herself in. What would Birdsnow say, if she saw?

Birdsnow. Her Birdsnow. Oh god, Birdsnow. Her heart twisted again. She needed to get back to her. If not for the clan, then for Birdsnow. The rest could burn in hell.

[ @clarice. ]

Oh dear child, that you did not see other Covenant members did not mean that they werent here. Many simply were so disillusioned by the types of cats that came to plead their case that they refused to show unless they were sure of taking the judgement on.

Snowleopard had seen enough to be sure now, and emerged from the mist. "So you plan to fight and die again after we might so graciously gift you life again?" The question may be harsh but the molly's tone was calm and more lenient. "Honorable as the urge to fight and protect you clan is and knowledgeable of your mistake as you may now be to battle is a risk." Snowleopard knew that well having healed many a warrior as she had as medicine at. "To charge in as you say youre set to do is reckless. Life is a fragile thing as you should now know and if youre set to come back simply to unleash claws then it is clear that we'd just see you back here again soon. How do you plan to avoid this repeated fate and still protect your clan? Do you even have an idea?"

A question more asked to prompt thought then to interrogate and the bengal molly cocked her head, moving on to her more pertinent question.

"Ideas are good but proper plans should be the core to ones return dont you think? I respect the realization of faults, I understand the lack of ability to sit by in the stars when loved ones fight and die below you, and I see the drive you have however...." The dark forest cat trailed off, sighing. "To live only for your clan will make you dull. Ive seen it before, listless cats with blank eyes who only walk onward because of their drive for their clan. They do not truely live, just survive. So how do you plan to live Kestrelskies?" And who for? Do not think the wardens do not know things they shouldnt young one, time to admit it before you return and choke on it. Declare you dreams and live, not just survive like so many cats did who might just be happier dead.

Your life depended on it.

Kestrelskies will admit, she nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard New voices come out of nowhere. But that was silly of her to assume anything else- of course there were cats keeping watch, especially with a careful process like this one. Smart, really. And yet, she still decided not to think of it. The world seemed to love playing tricks on her.

Tricks.. an old memory in the nursery resurfaced. Of when she, Larkpaw, Fullpaw, and Egretpaw still all were together. The thought had a sharp edge to it, and it slid through her heart like a sharp claw to the flesh of a fish. She resisted the urge to clutch at it, to try and relieve the pressure and the pain. One painful memory melded into another- Lilycreek holding her when she was plagued with nightmares, Bluebellpaw and her walking together and spending time at her cousin's only gathering before she went missing. And then...

Birdsnow. The winter they spent together, the laughs, giggles, the crush. The... everything. The happiness taken from the stolen hours together, the many hours she had assumed she would have. So when the white she-cat started on her, she could feel her shoulder slowly shrinking. Each word a small blade, twisting. Oh Birdsnow. Birdsnow. They were right. The two new cats were both right. She couldn't just let herself become a weapon. A tool of mass destruction. Warriors were supposed to be strong, yes, but also to have compassion, and to be a protective force; a force that could be relied on. But that wasn't what she learned. Destroy or be destroyed. Wasn't that what Nightspark had taught her? To be cold, calculating, and deadly like lightning. To strike first so hard, there would be no tempting a second. To be... powerful.

Not to... be a warrior.

Her eyes widened a small amount. This was what Lilycreek was scared of- what her father had done to her. My father wanted me to be perfect. A weapon of precision of effectiveness. Oh stars. Did Lilycreek feel sick, or worried whenever she looked of her? Of what she would become under Nightspark? The moons she spent honing her every skill? Instead of being herself, instead of leaning to...

Be a warrior. She really... hadn't earned her name.


She let out a shudder breath, guilt and sheepishness creeping into her bones. This was never about going back to fight the other clans. It was about protecting her clan.

"...I admit, I was foolish. I think too much of battle and blood, for that is what I died of. I haunted me for some time before I came to seek your council. For that, I apologize." She cleared her throat, a slight hold on her throat. "But as to answer your questions," she looked up at the Covenant members, the same spark of fire returning. But this time, there was no bitterness, no battle worn apprentice. No Kestrelskies, or Kestrelpaw even. Just.. Kes.

Kes, Kes, no, please, it can't end like this.

Birdsnow was right, Kes realized as she grit her teeth. It couldn't end like this. They should have have had more time. She should have made more time.

"I was taught during my apprenticeship to be cold. Calculating. Cunning. A... weapon. A tool. But that isn't everything to a warrior, isn't it?" She gave a rueful smile. "But... I was indeed foolish. I did not focus on the other things that mattered. So, to answer your question," She turned her gaze to the white she-cat from before, "I intend to live for myself, and those I care about. Birdsnow. Bluefang. And... all the cats I have known before, whether they are alive or not. I intend to live as my aunt did- protecting her lived ones, and as my cousin did- finding things to smile about. To live, with the motive to create good, rather than exterminate the bad. Whether that be guarding and performing my duties as a clanmate, or guiding the new generations to find their passions and to teach them the ways of a warrior, not a weapon. This is how I wish to earn my warrior name, and to honor those who i love, and those who have loved me in turn." She raised her head again, passion rippling through her pelt. Cocky though she may have seemed, there was an honest gleam in her eyes. A promise. A swear, on her word.

A chill ran down her spine. What if they didn't believe her? How many cats stood here before her, how many were more righteous, more promising? Was she really different enough?

She shook the feeling away. She had to. For Birdsnow. For her mother, her father, her siblings, for her friends. For Bluebellpaw. For Lilycreek.

For herself.

[ @clarice. @Rani @The Cannibal ]

There it was, the will to live and not just survive. To balance the bad of necessary bloodshed with the good of the finer emotions. It was one thing to go back to fight for ones clan and not even necessarily bad, but it was far more to live for those that made your heart burn.

Kestrelskies (and in Snowleopards mind it was Kestrelskies, her lament over not deserving a full warriors name wasnt warranted) would go back with the wariness of death she lacked before and motive to stay alive. However it wouldnt be a life of terror of dying again, of that Snowleopard was sure. It'd be one of passion with new goals.

"I find myself pleased with your answers. My answer is yes as well." And with that Kestrelskies would have enough to go back, though generally even when the verdict was decided the third would still speak their mind. It was simply polite. So even as the molly spoke her tail flicked, gesturing to Barkblaze to continue after her. "I wish you well in your second life, and warn you not to squander it. No ones ever been given a third, yet.
Do not sit idle in fear of returning but do not go reckless with the idea that death is not final, as for many it is. For you, one day, it will be. Make what youre given worth it.

Goodbye and Good luck Kestrelskies. And if Barkblaze has wisdom for you I recommend you take that with the seriousness it deserves as well. You might need it."


Life was wonderful but not easy, after all.

Yes, yes, and yes. Oh, stars.

Her eyes widened as the verdict was made. They believed her. They were willing to give her a second chance. She was going home.

She was going home.

A cheer of joy and victory wanted to rise to her throat, but she couldn't make a noise. Her throat felt like it was closing up, and her eyes were watering.

She was going home.

A small cry of relief left her throat, and she felt like she was going to collapse from pure joy. She was going home. She was going to be alive. She was going to be with Birdsnow. She was going home.

"Oh- oh, thank you. Thank you." She could feel thr lump rising to her throat again, messing with her vocal chords. There was elation, and pride, and perhaps more importantly, determination. To live, not just survive. To experience life, not just to be alive. For herself. For Birdsnow. For mother, for father, for Lilycreek.

For herself.

She felt her lip tremble, and her body shake. She was going home. She was going to live this time. She had to.

She had to. The gazes of the three Covenant members rested on her, and she felt as if their words weighed down on her. Death, this time would not be premanent. But either would life. And if she died a second time...

Well. Kestrelskies would live. She would be cast back into the land of the living, and she would live.

"I will." She said, her voice still a bit wavery. "I'll live. I won't forget." A promise sparked in her eyes, a fire ignited. She was going home.

She was going home.

[ @clarice. @Rani @The Cannibal - thank you everyone, and happy early New Years! :heartbounce: ]