High Rank Announcement [#hrannouncement]
A few faces were happy to see him - relieved almost. For some reason it made Kestrelstar's stomach twist into knots. Though he had spent the past moon working on himself and correcting his mindset, there was still the daunting path of proving that to his Clanmates that lay ahead. Forgiveness shouldn't come this easy, and Plumstorm's words the night before his departure rang in his head: "Forgiveness, real forgiveness, won't come until you've shown these changes you wish to make."
Yellow gaze searched for her pale gray pelt in the crowd, to no avail. Had the molly left the Clan? Fear plagued the leader for a moment before he decided to push on. Something to ask Splashleap about later - and if she had left, he vowed to track her down.
A few fixed him with angry glares and bristling pelts. Kestrelstar felt it like hot charcoal, singing his own fur. But he didn't flinch away from it, nor did he try to shut it down. Their anger was justified. A right. He had let them down, and the only way to fix it was time and actions.
Some of the voices drifted up to him, cats who felt the need to speak out at the sight of his return. Wormbite's sarcasm that dripped like honey made Kestrelstar want to chuckle, but he held it back, instead a glimmer of amusement twinkling in his gaze. Most surely had to think he had been dead - after all, he had provided no return date for when he'd be back. What else was RiverClan suppose to have thought?
From the entrance of the medicine den, Kestrelstar's attention was momentarily captured by a familiar russet head poking itself out. A piece of his heart chipped off, scratching along the sides of his chest as it cracked off. Snakeheart... that was one of the first cats he'd go to. The gray tabby recalled a sort of perilous feeling plaguing him while he had spoke to Delaware. Something... was wrong. Back in RiverClan. Urgently requiring the attention of a leader - a brother - who was nowhere to be found.
Another broken puzzle piece that would need to be fixed in order to make the picture whole again. At least it appeared he had a little shadow - Lavenderkit, Kestrelstar recalled the kits name. He felt a bit of pity for the kit - her mission to cheer Snakeheart up, that shouldn't have fallen on the shoulders of the Clan's youngest.
Just below the Streamstone, two kits engaged in a racing game of sorts, and his yellow eyes followed them for a moment. Life, new life, the future warriors of RiverClan who would one day take the mantel of protectors of their home. Before, the sight would've irritated him, but now the gray tabby simply chuckled softly.
Towards the back, next to Stormtalon, the three youngsters and one warrior-aged tom seemed to be settling in... about as well as could be expected. Hopefully the Clan would make them all feel welcome - that would be to come soon, their introduction.
One voice shot to his ears, floating above the quiet murmur of the gathered cats. Mistypaw, Stormtalon's apprentice. Stars, what this apprentice must've heard about him. The tom who had found him outside of camp was not one to ever sugarcoat the truth, and the leader assumed that his apprentice knew exactly of the crimes Kestrelstar had committed. She had a right to the answers she sought, as did the rest of the Clan.
"First off, I want to apologize. For being away, for being gone... There wasn't a night that passed that I wasn't thinking of RiverClan. Of each of you, and how hard you've fought for your home," the leader began, yellow gaze sweeping across the crowd gathered before him. "The night after the Gathering, I received a... vision, of sorts. To save RiverClan, I had to prevent the one thing capable of destroying it from doing so; myself."
A pause. Briefly, he wondered what exactly Spalshleap and Snakeheart had told the Clan of his disappearance. He hadn't given then much to work with when he had left, so surely the rest of the Clan didn't have much to go off of. Just that their leader disappeared right after a war with ThunderClan.
Cowardly and shameful, but hopefully something that he could rectify in the coming moons. Plans to strengthen RiverClan - in a non violent way - had already been forming in his mind even back when he had still been away from his home.
"I went away. Past the borders, and past Twolegplace. My journey took me on a path of figuring out what wasn't working, and what I could do to improve as your leader. The parts of me that were setting fire to the Clan I... love. The violence, the need for revenge... The mindset that because I was leader, that gave me the power and right to do as I saw fit. I was convinced... that anyone who spoke out against me was disloyal to RiverClan. I needed time... to fix that. To realize that was wrong. A few loyal cats of RiverClan paid the ultimate price for that, and briefly I want to recognize their deaths and honor their memories."
Quietclaw, killed at a meeting. Alderfoot and Blackrunner, two cats who were exiled and steadfast in their promise of not returning. Reedpaw, just a young apprentice who he had left in the middle of a camp full of cats who hated him. Kestrelstar had failed them all, too. Names forever etched in his mind...
After a moment of silence from Kestrelstar, he pushed on. "I have failed you. As a leader, I blamed cats innocent of nothing more than fighting back against the shadows that consumed me, serving them only with a punishment of death. I let my own grief cloud my judgement instead of accepting it and moving past it. The blood that stains my claws... is no fault of any cats but my own. The actions I have taken to protect RiverClan ended up doing the opposite, and it is something I will regret until the day I stop breathing."
And even longer, as Kestrelstar knew the guilt hung heavy from the death his claws had caused. Surely it would follow him well into whatever afterlife the stars above saw fit for him after the loss of his last life.
Clearing his throat, he continued. "I know that the only way I can earn your forgiveness is to do what is best for RiverClan. To cast aside my own vendettas and recognize that you all are not just claws at my disposal. I am your leader, but a leader is not of any power without those of which he leads. This is my promise to you all, to those I have let down, " Plumstorm, Tumblepaw, Snakeheart, Stormtalon, Junipersong, Lotusheart, Morningpaw, so many other names... "that I hear your concerns. Your cries of outrage. I failed you, and I vow to spend the remainder of my lives making sure that I can be a leader you all are proud to follow."
Momentarily, yellow eyes drifted down to his deputy. Splashleap. He was sure the molly wanted to rake her claws across his face. Gratitude and respect mingled in his gaze as he watched her before looking back out across the sea of eyes, all waiting for him to continue speaking. "I could not lead this Clan without any of you, I realize that now. Or Splashleap. I'm sure she will let me know what has happened while I was away, but I would like to take a moment to recognize her. Despite the actions of myself, she remained steady and strong as a stable paw in RiverClan's leadership. I am honored to have her as my deputy, as I am sure you all are as well."
There was so much more he wanted to say, but for now he let it rest. Words could only do so much before actions needed to come forward, and right now Kestrelstar knew that his Clan wouldn't put any weight behind his promises until he showed them the change. Physical, tangible, something they could latch their hope onto.
