[Dizerel]

Originally Posted by arden

Waves of worry and concern rolled off Junipersong to the point that Kestrelstar found that his paws were instinctively leading him towards his friend. Yellow eyes were narrowed with concern - and if he was being honest, a mild trace of confusion. He had never understood before, and still didn't, why a few cats in the Clan believed he was worthy of any saving. He was doing his best to redeem himself, to showcase his change, but deep down there was a part of him that longed for the quiet dissolution. A soft pin drop in the middle of the night that would be his departure. It baffled him when cats like Junipersong... worried over him. What had he done in his time as leader other than burn himself down to the ground, with RiverClan alongside him?

It was hard to keep those thoughts at bay, a challenge that Kestrelstar had accepted he'd probably spend his whole life battling against. Some times it was easy to do so; others, nearly impossible.

Sitting down closer to his friend now, Kestrelstar felt his own shoulders slump a bit as he let out a sigh. "Thankfully, I've got a few extra lives to spare," the gray tabby tom joked softly, though it didn't have the same lightheartedness as his first joke had. Even if he had mustered all of the parts of his personality that remained bold and brash, the joke still would've sounded flat. Before his eyes, Junipersong was breaking under the weight of the recent coyote revolution, and he'd be damned if he'd let her go through that alone.

"I've got claws, and I'm a lot less mouse-brained than I was as a foolish warrior. I don't... I don't go looking for danger as much as I used to. The thrill, the need to... to prove myself to my Clan. At least, I try not to. You don't have to worry, really." Lifting his gaze so that he was searching her own, Kestrelstar offered the beginnings of a smile. He hoped that he could at least shoulder this feeling with her. Remembering how the coyotes had ripped apart his Clanmates so easily caused him to shudder when he thought about it. However, logistically he had only seen one - maybe it had just been passing through.

But that didn't seem to be it - the past seasons' coyotes. As Junipersong spoke her request outloud, Kestrelstar couldn't help but recoil. Eyes wide, pelt bristling a bit. "No!" he exclaimed, before realizing how loud that was. The initial shock wearing off, the RiverClan leader shook his head vigorously. "No. I am not sending you to face those coyotes alone. If they pose a problem, we'll send multiple, capable warriors after them. You can be apart of that, but you're not facing them alone." His voice was firm, solid, confident - resembling the old Kestrelstar he had been before certain events had shattered those parts of him. Yellow eyes glimmered with defiance at her request, though there was a hint of worry deep within him. As much as Junipersong was worried about losing him, he was just as worried about losing her. She was his best friend, the cat that had been there through so much... if a coyote took that away from him, the leader wasn't sure if he'd ever recover.

She shot a glance of worry his way at his joke. She was usually one for levity but joking about throwing away ones life (or lives, in this case) was not a laughing matter. "I hope you know. Any loyal Riverclan cat would give their own life before letting you spend one of yours. Myself included." She sighed. More than anything else about him, even that time he had gone crazy and blown up on her, it hurt her to see him be so nonchalant about his own existence. "The entire clan benefits from having you alive and well. You make the lives of so many cats better. At the very least, you make mine better" She states, moving in to brush her cheek along his flank, if allowed.

As she pulled back to let him explain his take on her bold request, she just kinda..... fwumped down onto her stomach, eventually rolling onto her side. If it had been nearly anyone but her, it would be appallingly casual for a warrior to do this inside the leader's den. "I.... I know its mouse-brained to ask but.... Im just really worried. After something that happened I feel like im less in-control of myself than usual. I want to do something that will make me feel in-control again." Looking up at the ceiling of the den for a bit, thinking to herself. "Though I am really glad you are back, too. I feel so much better and more in-control when im around you. Maybe its because im worried half to death that you are gonna do something risky..... Snakeheart told me he is gonna sick me on you if you dont take better care of yourself" A bit of a grin on her face as she recalled what Snake had said to her on their herb patrol together.

"I dont know I just.... things feel better with you around. Thats all." She mewls, turning back to her paws to stand up. "Ill respect your decision as leader. Though im still gonna want to try somehow proving to myself that Ive gotten better.... I just wonder how I can do so without being reckless."