[taillow]

Cindersky
She definitely was not the best cat for the job, but... Cindersky let her gaze flicker from the medicine cat apprentice to Cinderpaw. Her paws remained rooted in the ground as a trickle of doubt seeped down her spine. Comfort and calm. Two things that Cinderpaw needed above all else, and yet she was the last cat in the entire Clan who could provide those things.

Somewhere around the clearing she heard her apprentice speak and briefly lifted her head to track her movements into the apprentices den. Not for the first time the senior warrior wished she could be in two places at once. Her heart longed for her paws to follow Cloudypaw, while at the same time they urged her to check in on Softpaw. Bushpaw and Bumblepaw, Rainpaw and Mistpaw. Even Cinderpaw, who was right before her and yet felt a million moons away.

It was subtle at first, and then came crashing down like a wave; the realization that she just was not enough. For the apprentices, for ThunderClan. For her. Ever since the death of her mate, she had been working her paws into the ground because her love of ThunderClan outweighed everything else. Whether to forget about the way she was so easily torn apart, or because her sister knew the truth and could use it to get her exiled.

...Had she gotten it wrong all this time?

More commotion in the clearing, but by this point Cindersky felt a solid pounding in her head that made her want to shut her eyes. Rare it was for her to feel lost within her own mind like this, always so sure of herself and those around her. But somehow the flood gates had opened this meeting, and a certain pair of green eyes had been lodged tightly at the forefront of her mind. Reminding her over and over and over again of the branch extended to her that she allowed to snap under the weight of expectations.

Cats were coming forward to help Cinderpaw now, and Cindersky just stood numbly off to the side as she watched them. Emberpaw, Shallowshiver... they would be the best cats for the job. Not her. They would be the ones that Cinderpaw would wish to rest her tired and exhausted gaze upon when she came to. The sight of her own silver fur would only set her off. Sundust arrived as well shortly after, and though she could tell he spoke words to her, her ears turned them into nothing more than an incoherent mumbling.

Part of her wanted to shift her gaze back to Nectarflame. To observe and watch and maybe share a look with the golden bengal. It had not been easy to deny the longing her heart felt, and perhaps it had been the wrong decision, but it was a decision that had already been made.

It seemed now, that the voting was beginning to die down. All three options had cats backing them up, and something akin to relief washes over her as she realized that while those who had voted for exile had been the most outspoken, they were not in the majority. At least, if anything good came of tonight, it would be the knowledge that Nectarflame would remain underneath the same moon as her. A selfish thought she knew, but one that stayed nonetheless.

...Along with Nectarflame, it seemed like Sleethound would be joining her. Good. The only sign of agreement came in the form of slightly narrowed eyes directed at the tom. She still had a few words she wished to say, but if she were being honest exhaustion was weighing heavily on her (and her roleplayer) so she remains silent, eyes looking back to Sparrowflight.

As much as she wished to go back to her nest, to sink into it and forget this entire night, Sparrowflight had called for her to escort them to the prisoners den. So with heavy paws she padded over to where Nectarflame sat, her blue eyes (empty and void of emotion) sweeping over her and going to Sleethound. "Come now," she told both of them, something... different in her voice making it almost unrecognizable. She began to lead the two towards the den where Firebird had been kept, silently hoping there would be no pushback (and no outcry over it).

[ @sid @implimm @Jayvines ]