[lone]

Originally Posted by Duskflight

Why am I telling her all of this? She doesn't need to know about it, no one needs to know about it, it's foolish. Stick to your job, you're just here to teach her what she needs to know to become a warrior, not pour all of your secrets and everything out onto her. Besides, by doing this, you're just letting a cat into your life, it's only going to get you hurt, they'll use all of it against you to destroy you. A somber look started to darken his face as they walked along, his jaws clenching tightly together as he thought about this. You've never liked other cats so why are you starting to do that now? This is stupid and you need to stop.

His ears swiveled slightly as he heard her response to him telling her about his mom and the fact that he never knew her, his face seeming to soften slightly before he forced himself to look away and back forward, tempted to say something, but simply letting the conversation drop.
I might not know who she is, what she does, where she's at, but she knows me, she named me, she loved me. But I can't find myself to love her. She left me. She left Shadowclan. How could I bring myself to love a cat that I never got to know? One that left the clan, left her family? A snort of anger escapes him and he almost seems to glare for a moment until he slipped back into that stony mask that he wore, blocking any sort of thoughts and emotions that dwelled beneath it.
Nonetheless, silence ensued before eventually being broken again by the apprentice, asking about his mentor, rousing him from his thoughts once more in order to answer her. Despite him mentally berating himself for it, he just couldn't bring himself from stopping himself to answer her questions, even if he hated the fact that he was opening up, exposing himself in a way.

And so he had answered and a bit of silence fell between them, surely Sweetpaw thinking it over, whatever it is she decided to pick out of his answer, he was mostly trying to block it out, the idea that she was nitpicking and processing everything he said, he didn't like it. He didn't like the thought of another cat analyzing him like that, he just didn't like it, and yet he felt like every cat did that, they all judged him and that further led to his general dislike for others and his desire to be alone most of the time.
His ears flatten as he hears her reply and his head turned slightly, his yellow eyes harsh as he almost seemed to glare at her for a long moment before turning his head away again. You shouldn't even answer her, just let silence fall. You don't socialize with other cats, shouldn't that be obvious? Shut up.
Snorting again, he shook his head a bit to clear his thoughts before bellowing out a quiet sigh and flashing a glance over at her.
"Look, Sweetpaw, I can't just socialize with other cats. That's not me, you know why? Because I don't like other cats. They're too slippery, too judgmental, and too ready to kill those that are weaker than them. I don't like other cats, I never have. So it was just for the better that we didn't socialize a whole lot, alright?" His voice was harsh, but it was unintended and he immediately regretted it, blinking and looking over at her apologetically. "Er.. Sorry." Heaving out a breath, he shook his head again and looked back forward. And I'm just not good at talking with cats either.

All Sweetpaw received in response to her comment was a small grunt, his ears flicking a bit and his gaze drifting over to look at Thunderclan territory as they padded along the border. Ibisprowl wasn't the best tom with comedy especially considering he always saw the worst in cats, always thought they were joking him, judging him, all sorts of negative things like that. He just couldn't take a joke, thus why most cats avoided him. Part of him was desiring for this training session to be over so he could just be alone again, this was draining him of his energy and he hated it.
"What do you mean?" Questioned the tom, allowing his gaze to momentarily rest on the young she-cat before looking back ahead, his white paws pressing into the frozen ground rhythmically as they moved along. To think they still had two borders to go until they could finally get back to camp, the thought of talking most of that time was nearly exhausting him just thinking about it. But with his stony mask, Sweetpaw wouldn't be able to tell that he was growing tired of talking, she wouldn't be able to tell if he was tired at all, he'd look just as normal as he did the second he took her out of camp to begin this little journey.

Sweetpaw kept quiet; not because she wanted to, but because she was unsure of what to say now. To be honest, she was beginning to grow much more confused in what she thought of Ibisprowl. He seemed like a nice cat sometimes, and then other times he just...she wasn't sure how to explain it. All she knew was that she wasn't sure of anything right now, and she didn't know when she would be. The cream she cat glanced at Ibisprowl uncertainly, her blue hues flashing for a moment with some unreadable emotion of anxiety and then stopped, looking back down at the ground. The cold air didn't seem to bother her; thankfully for the young she cat, she had quite a thick pelt that kept her warm in all sorts of weather. However, in the warmer seasons, this pelt made her dangerously warm not to mention uncomfortable. Her tail twitched as she continued onwards, running out of things to say...and besides, even if she were to think of something, there was no guarantee that he would answer her.

The cream she cat cleared her throat a little, shifting from paw to paw uncertainly as she continued on behind him, keeping her pace a little slower now, as she was nervous to get closer to the larger cat and to speak to him since he didn't seem like he was as anxious to talk to her. She had this strange way of...beginning a conversation and then just letting it hang, as though she didn't want to continue it but was too polite to say so. In all truthfulness, Sweetpaw had been enjoying their conversation. She liked getting to know him, but from his expression he wasn't enjoying it half as much as she was. The white covering of snow seemed to have almost destroyed all of the thick vegetation covering ShadowClan Territory. It had appeared to make it...nearly covered in ice, as though something had come along and swept over, freezing everything in it's path. Sweetpaw flicked the tip of her tail, her expression calm and analyzing, as she glanced around, trying to look everywhere at the same time and failing to do so once more. "But that's not true of everybody! I would never do that, and- and Cedarpaw wouldn't have either! Why don't you give other cats a chance, you might be surprised! I was terrified of anything new until someone showed me that there wasn't so much to be afraid of! All along, everything that I had been so scared of...everything that had terrified me so badly...was nothing to be afraid of at all. You'll never know whether all cats are the same or not until you at least try to be friendly with them!" Sweetpaw exclaimed. This sudden outburst seemed to surprise her, as she wasn't used to trying to make another cat be more...friendly, she supposed was the word for it. It wasn't in her nature...but somehow, some way, it had come out upon hearing Ibisprowl's words.

She glanced down at the ground, feeling just a little embarrassed. She had caused quite the scene, and she could almost feel other cats watching her, although she knew there weren't any other cats...which made her all the more embarrassed. "No- no, don't apologize, it's fine. I'm sorry, I had no right to go off like that." Sweetpaw mewed, seeming to shrink back into her shell. For one brief moment, she had done what she had always wanted to do. For just a heartbeat, she had been like Cedarpaw...the mention of her friend had seemed to spur her words onwards. She could feel her throat constricting and felt as though she were about to cry. Just as she had two moons ago when she had received word that her best friend was...gone. Disappeared. No one knew what had happened to him or if he would be back, and Sweetpaw had been so sure back then...but now she wasn't sure at all.

If he really cared about me, he would come back. Unless he's d-dead...but even then, wouldn't he maybe visit me from StarClan? I don't k-know...but, but I...I hope he's alright, wherever he is. StarClan or someplace else. Sweetpaw thought, but a flicker of doubt began to cross her mind. For the first time since Cedarpaw's disappearance, she began to wonder if he had ever really cared. Surely he would at least have told someone, somewhere that he cared about her if he really did...right? But of course, she had no proof that he was even dead. She was still wondering whether or not she was doing the right thing by thinking about him. If she really cared, shouldn't she do something about it? But what can I do? Nothing, that's what. All I can do is wait for Cedarpaw to come back, and be a good little kitty...all sweet and quiet...doesn't that sound just lovely? Sweetpaw thought, the tip of her tail twitching in frustration. She was angry with herself and with Cedarpaw for leaving like that. He hadn't even said goodbye! And the worst part of it was, no one knew how much she really cared. She had never gotten to tell him and she never would now. There was no point in moping about it, as Sweetpaw had always thought growing up without him, but...now she was beginning to believe that there was a point in moping about it. What else could she do but wish that he would come back and think about him? The only friend she had ever had...her best friend...and now he was gone, he had been taken from her by some cruel twist of fate. Something had taken him away from her and he would never come back, no matter how much she wished for him to. Somehow, she could feel that he was alright, wherever he was...but he would never return to ShadowClan. That she was fairly sure of.

Sweetpaw didn't know exactly what to do. "Oh! Um, well...s-sorry, I was just thinking. I meant like a high rank, or do something more...I don't know, more exciting rather then mentoring me? I'm not really exciting, as you've probably been able to tell...anyway, didn't you ever have any ambitions? Or dreams? Didn't anyone ever urge you on or tell you that you were really good at something?" Sweetpaw asked, glancing up at him. She then realized she had just asked a lot of questions to a cat who didn't seem to like talking very much. "Um...feel free to ignore any- or all of those questions...if-if you want to." She added a little awkwardly, looking down at her own cream paws. The constant movement seemed to send her into a sort of trance, and she continued onwards, just looking down at the ground and at her moving paws.

She wasn't sure what was so interesting...perhaps she just liked watching them moving on, and on, over and over...it seemed to calm her rapidly racing heart now, slowing the war anthem that she could hear beating inside her chest and pounding against her brain over and over again. The she cat glanced at Ibisprowl again; just watching him. She was trying to see if she could see who he actually was. Her intuition was telling her that he wasn't as cold and calculating as he wanted her to believe. After all, he was tolerating her, wasn't he? He had answered most of her questions so far, and he had been a great mentor for this much of the day...so there was no reason he wouldn't continue to be a great mentor for the rest of the time that they were training. Perhaps she would get her dream. Perhaps, over time, she would have the strong relationship she had always wanted. She felt a little sad, knowing that Ibisprowl hadn't gotten that sort of relationship with his mentor, but perhaps...perhaps she would be able to make up for that. The one thing that she knew how to do and did very well was being a friend. It seemed to her that Ibisprowl needed a friend more then anything else, and that was something that she would be able to provide very easily. If he wanted to, that was. She wasn't sure whether he really wanted companionship or if he would prefer to be alone for the rest of his life. No one really wants to be alone though, right? It's just a cover. A cover for someone who got hurt and doesn't want to get hurt again. Everybody wants a friend...and everybody needs a friend. So maybe- maybe Ibisprowl will cheer up more once he gets a friend. Sweetpaw thought, glancing at him for the fourth- or was it the fifth?- time since they had continued the conversation. She was still trying to figure out if she could see who he was.

Of course, her efforts were in vain...and pretty soon she went back to the usual, looking down at the ground as she continued onwards. Her small frame was tense now, almost too tense for the tip of her tail to continue it's light swishing motion. Her blue hues were looking down at the ground and she seemed to have no interest in looking back up again. She was enjoying this more then she thought she would have, especially since...well...Ibisprowl wasn't exactly the friendliest cat. Despite that, she was confident that someday her efforts would pay off and he would become much friendlier and someone that she could count on and trust. Right now she was pretty sure she could do both of those things, but she didn't want to be hurt and she didn't want to accidentally hurt him in the process. He's really nice. I can just feel it. She thought, continuing on, but this time she was looking around at the snow covered trees and vegetation.

(Sorry for the late response, this post took forever! x3)