Quote:
Originally Posted by Brooklyn Trees
Moonpaw had gotten to her paws as she noticed him coming towards her again. She wasn't very happy with him, though she couldn't tell if she was angry or not, she just felt... broken.
But... His reaction was not in the slightest what she had expected from him, though she wasn't sure what she had expected, or if she had expected anything. She took a step away from him. Was he angry? He seemed to be, sort of, but... What was he talking about? Rejecting him? She would never do that and how exactly was it her rejecting him? The ragdoll felt like she had been cuffed across the ears or smacked in the face by his words, he wasn't making any sense!
Taking a deep breath she began to speak, forcing her voice to remain steady and as calm as she could get it to be, though she still couldn't tell if the way it wanted to rise was from anger, fear or the threat of tears. She rarely cried, and now was not a good time, nor was it an excellent reason. She felt something for a tom who seemed to not share those feelings, why cry? It didn't make any sense and she wished that things would start making some sense again.
"I... I don't know what you're talking about Couragepaw. You know why I'm acting so weird, you'd have to know to do something so hurtful." She spat the final word out and then paused in order to make her voice return to its calmer manner. He would have to know though, right? Know that she had these confusing feelings for him. How else would he tease her like that?
"Didn't you expect me to reject your... Your joke, if it can even be called that?" She didn't know what he was talking about though, maybe this was just a continuation of what he had done earlier. She hated how angry the calm voice she used sounded, she never used a voice that calm when she was truly calm, and it sounded too tense. She remained looking at him, studying his amber eyes and for the first time felt actually frightened of him and the way he acted. Not frightened in the ways she had felt before, that he may laugh if she slipped or find out her secret. She was actually, truly scared of him and her own attempt at a calm voice scattered in her mind, leaving her looking at him, no longer speaking to him. She wanted the weirdness to end, to rewind her life and pause it, take a different route in life and end up somewhere so much less... Less, this. Whatever this is.
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Couragepaw recoiled, feeling as though she had just slashed her claws across his face, as though she were trying to toy with him, to act like one of those cats who thought that to be in love was just some sort of a game...like it was funny that he was here apologizing to her, like it was funny that he was trying to explain how she felt and she was just...well...he actually didn't know what she was doing, but whatever it was, he knew for sure that it wasn't something particularly friendly. "Oh, I see." Couragepaw mewed. This, however, was a lie...he didn't see what she was talking about at all, and the only thing he could understand here was that he seemed to have completely different feelings then Moonpaw. "Well, it's obvious to me I'm wasting my time here. You don't feel the same way and you think this whole thing is a joke. Is that really what you think, Moonpaw? Think I'm toying with you? Think you're just some shiny object that I'll toss aside once I'm done?" Couragepaw asked with a bitter laugh, not quite sure what else he could say. There was nothing else to say. She had rejected him. She was acting as though this whole thing were stupid...and he had been wrong. He had thought if he told her, nothing could get any worse...at least, not this much worse.
Had she suddenly developed some sort of a...grudge against him or something? Is that why she was acting so funny, because she had decided that she no longer cared to be in his life? Should I make this easy for her and just leave now? Couragepaw thought, and considering his assumptions, he was hardly surprised when he heard her next words. "Ah yes. My little...joke, as you put it. Well it will amaze you to know that this was no joke. And it will amaze you further to know that I imagined I could trust you. What a joke that was, right? Well go ahead and laugh like I know you want to. Go ahead and laugh at the cat who was stupid enough to actually believe that I-" Couragepaw cut himself off, not wanting to tell her more about what he had been thinking.
He didn't want to give her more ammunition to further wound, and attempt to kill, the small bit of self dignity and the shreds of self esteem that he still had left. His amber hues narrowed as he looked at the cat whom he had believed to be his best friend, the cat whom he had always thought would be with him forever. And now...the she cat he had expected to live with forever as well. As more then a friend. But there would come a day when she would learn how cruel she had been to turn him away like that, to act as though he meant nothing to her...and then, Couragepaw wouldn't be there for her. Not that time.