[carmen]

Today had been a calm day, returning from hunting with a fair amount of prey, getting to move around without worrying about someone watching. She hadn't been forced to engage in conversation yet today, so that was yet another thing going her way for once. That, and, no one else had randomly died today. Nothing was wrong, all was right with the world. All was well.

Screams broke through the silence, yells and gasps and the scent reached her nose before her eyes had opened. No. How many of the younger ones recognized it from Redfur? How many of them didn't know what the stench of metal and iron and blood meant? Walking down to the growing crowd, moving through the gathering, collection, she stopped at the outer ring, a few shapes condensing long enough for recognition before flitting away, out of comprehensible thought.

It was blurring together, she was watching from outside her body, a brown and orange form looking back and forth at each cat before moving on. Cinderpaw, screaming something incomprehensible, Roosteflame, frozen, Bumblebreak, paws moving as quick as her mouth, others were doing stuff, others moving to the point where she couldn't clear her mind long enough to figure out who they were. They didn't matter, nothing mattered, only one thing she was looking for, the source of the blood, someone standing up, for StarClan knew that she wouldn't look to the ground until completely certain that it wasn't someone standing.

Rainpaw. "You?" A question, a prayer, a silent outburst asking, begging that he was the only one hurt, that the lump displayed on the ground wasn't real, she was seeing something wrong. "Why were you out of camp?" She stumbled to the side as Thrushfur brushed past her and it came together. Oh. Why weren't they healed, why was she dead, why was she dead?

She was dead.

She was a baby. She was just a baby. He was one too, he was nothing more than a little one.

"I'm sorry." Whispered words as she began to shake, eyes watering as her head tilted down to stare at the family. Broken, shattered, dead.

Weak.

Pathetic.

She was supposed to protect those who needed it, but here she was, falling apart over someone she didn't know. Falling apart over the slow decline of an era of short-lived happiness. Falling apart over the death of someone who hadn't lived long enough to experience happiness. Faces blurred again and she was falling, head spinning, nausea building.

Happy endings were nothing but hiraeth.