One moment he had been looking to Mama, finding comfort - and now several eyes were on him. It was just... too much! They were nice and good cats; Russy, Sootfur, Mama... but Sandpaw felt as though ants were crawling all over him and it only made him shake more. Whiskers quivering he just nodded to Sootfur, unable to speak any words. He didn't even know
why he was nodding he just... did it. It felt automatic almost, like he didn't have much control over it.
Then Mama was asking him what was wrong and... he couldn't just say it! Not with one of Flameheart's friends so close by - even if it happened to also be Sootfur. A beat, and then Sandpaw shook his head, though his ears drawing back told a different story. He hoped he wouldn't be in trouble for not wanting to say anything, or for going quiet. Why couldn't he say anything? It felt like he wanted to, but... nothing was coming out. His throat felt awfully tight; maybe something was blocking the words from coming out.
And then there was Russetpaw, his sister. Her fur brushing his offered some relief, but nothing could really bring him back down to where he had been. Sandpaw felt... far away, as if he were floating and unable to react in anyway, even verbally. He nodded again, a limp bob of his head. He didn't want to upset Russetpaw. He didn't want to upset Mama. He didn't want to upset Sootfur.
Stars, why couldn't he just spit it out already???
Opening and closing his jaw once, twice, and then finally a third time, the young tom let out a cough. He was still shaking, unaware of how much he trembled.
"...Inside," he managed to whisper, voice barely audible as his eyes darted to the nursery. He just wanted to be tucked away somewhere safe, some place where it didn't feel like he was weighed down by all of this... invisibleness. He wanted to just duck his head into his paws and see nothing but blackness until everything felt right and normal again.
Shakily he got to his paws, doing his best to smile.
"Tired." It was oh so difficult to speak, nothing coming out as loud as he wanted it to. He was an apprentice now though, right? He couldn't go to the nursery? So with another smile (though perhaps it was more like a grimace, because it didn't feel as warm as a smile usually did) Sandpaw backed up all the way until he bumped into the apprentices den, and then turned around to disappear inside.
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