[iliri]

• Springpaw •
long-furred, oriental-shaped, gray-and-orange calico molly with blue eyes; torn right ear
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Springpaw could’ve easily felt her own breath hitch against her throat from Drizzlecloud’s own words about her apologizing. Her brain clicking and churning as the warrior’s words made her think of her mentor, Rabbitchatter… wherever he was. A pang of guilt and shame throbbed against her chest from the sheer thought itself. Did… did he also abandon her as well? Leave the clan without letting her know? In the deepest depths of Springpaw’s heart, she hoped it wasn’t true, or rather, the bitter corners of her brain fought to keep this thought from spreading throughout her mind. They fought with a fierce desire to dismantle it as if it were an untrue statement. Yet, Springpaw couldn’t control that. The thought just grew. With a quick shake of her head and exhale of her stifled breath, she finally responded to the molly’s first statement with a quiet mumble. “Of… of course, Drizzlecloud. I understand. I just… wish none of this ever happened.”

Did those words even feel right to say? Good StarClan, why did her tone feel so dull and misplaced? A heave of mental frustration bubbled in her chest, lips pursing themselves slightly from the thought. Could she even think straight? Probably not, but that didn’t mean that she had to sound so gosh dang stupid while speaking. Well, not necessarily stupid but dull and almost monotone. Springpaw’s eyes quickly flickered up in the direction of Drizzlecloud, another apology quickly climbing its way up her throat and almost merely slipping her maw. However, it seemed to be quickly silenced from Drizzlecloud’s other comment about her being sorry about her siblings. Springpaw’s mind almost went… completely blank. Her eyes shifting away from Drizzlecloud as they made contact with the dirt ground below, lips pursing themselves more than before. A twisted mixture of fear, resentment, and guilt mingled in her chest, weighing almost all her own body weight.

The feelings in itself only felt so small and overwhelming to think about. They were how she felt when her own mother abandoned her at four moons to take care of her own siblings. Now, her own siblings might be gone and never come back for what she thought of. If they were gone… What's the point? She told herself that she had a sole purpose and responsibility to look after them and to protect them. Raise them better than her mother ever could. Now? That thought felt entirely wrong to think about. Her siblings were gone, and maybe so was her own mentor. Her body merely almost tensed up as her claws uncontrollably slipped themselves out of her paws, digging themselves into the coarse dirt below and hooking themselves fiercely into the dirt. Small, barely noticeable tears slipped out of the corners of her oceanic blue eyes, landing softly on the ground below and creating small puddles of water that almost quickly diminished as soon as it hit.

“I just wish that they were still here,” Springpaw croaked out, fighting the binding urge to just cry out her pain and scream at the world for putting her through painful and agonizing hell. For everything that had been casted upon her and her clan. For everything that just… had to happen. Her ears twitched themselves in Drizzlecloud’s direction when she began talking about how ThunderClan was in a state, Springpaw’s grip on the ground only increasing as she continued to listen to the molly. Springpaw knew that ThunderClan was in a dire situation. She knew that the times were tough. The deaths of many of their clan-mates and the destruction of their old camp because of the sinkholes just simply proves that. However, Springpaw just remained civilly silent, listening to Drizzlecloud speak while her eyes were glued to the ground. It felt like a disrespectful gesture, but she was at least listening to the warrior’s words carefully and not going off about it [like a certain apprentice by the name of Cracklepaw] .

Springpaw let loose a silent exhale through her nostrils and lifted her head up, glancing briefly in the direction of Drizzlecloud as she let out her next set of words, her tone being almost regrettably blunt and harsh than intended, but Springpaw had no control over it. “I know that ThunderClan is currently in a state,” she spoke, voice low and merely blunt, “it won’t just be easy for ThunderClan to simply just… rise up from what it used to be. I heard the stories of how every leader we had just simply failed to make the right decisions. All they did was fail for our clan. None of them were capable of properly managing their own role. Thrushstar is a mere example of that. He didn’t properly use his own rank and power to make smart decisions. The only smart decision that tom ever made was leading us here. Now? He’s gone. No one knows where he went. He just… left. Like all the other leaders.” Her voice quickly trailed on in that same cold and hard blunt tone, speaking off about the realities of their own clan as if she knew everything.

Of course, she didn’t. She was just only merely speaking up about her own personal beliefs about the situation, and she could feel as if they were… accurate, per se. Before she could quickly apologize to Drizzlecloud about her comments, Bumblestar began to speak, casting the calico’s direction up towards the leader. Bumblestar… had good intentions and she seemed heavily capable of handling her role well. Springpaw could easily see that, but her mind mentally argued that she could possibly fumble and fall, almost like how all the other leaders before in this clan had. Springpaw tried to ignore the impulsive thought, yet she could easily still see it casting along her shoulders still. She mumbled out a quiet congratulations to Drizzlecloud as the molly received an apprentice and went off to meet her said apprentice. Springpaw didn’t have much attention towards who it was in a matter-of-fact, she was just only merely listening in on the meeting.

Now, back to being alone again, and feeling an unsettling pile of emotions settle in her stomach made the pastel calico almost want to quietly throw up. She already felt sick enough to her stomach that the thought of her being by herself surrounded by all her clan-mates made her want to leave this meeting. But she restrained herself, glancing briefly around the clan to look for someone familiar she could speak with. A significant gray molly that could easily use her attention for the comfort of her lost kit. Blue hues landed on the gray queen, Dovefluff, whose Springpaw notably frowned a little at the sight of her tear-stained face and tired eyes. Springpaw knew how the molly felt, even if she hadn’t processed the death of any loved one. Yet, her siblings were gone. So it felt like it was a mere win-win for them. Sighing, Springpaw lifted herself atop of her haunches, and began to make her way towards the grieving queen, mentally hoping that she wouldn’t mind her company.

“Hey,” she uttered out, glancing at Dovefluff with a small, gentle expression on her face, “is… is it okay if I sit with you? Or if… if you wanna talk about it and don’t mind?” Springpaw questioned lightly, a small smile growing apparent on her maw. She probably shouldn’t be smiling, but Dovefluff needed some sort of share of comfort, and Springpaw was more than willing to oblige. However, she wouldn't do anything if Dovefluff didn’t want her to do anything. She didn’t want to over-cross her personal boundaries and be nosy.

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@Omari [entirely optional to respond to this!] @jupiter