Quote:
Originally Posted by Luna16
Sunnystreak Sunnystreak listened to Halfpaw quietly. He had never really paid too much mind to many of clanmates, much less the apprentices. But he had to admit...he could understand how Halfpaw was feeling right now. After a few heartbeats of silence, he gently touched his tailtip to the smaller cat's shoulder. "You're not a delusion, Halfpaw." He meowed, making sure to keep his voice steady but not loud or pushy. "I may not know exactly what you're going through, but I know what it's like to feel like you have to constantly prove yourself to everyone." His ears twitched involuntarily as he spoke.
He wished he didn't feel this way about his sister. He knew that Strawberryfur was just doing her best as the "older" littermate. But he couldn't help it, it made him feel inferior to have his sister always hovering over him. Like she didn't think he could do anything right himself. What kind of warrior did that make him? He laid his tail gently across Halfpaw's shoulders in a gesture of support. "I can't tell you not to feel the way you do, that would be dishonest." Can't very well tell the young tom to do something not even Sunnystreak himself has managed to do now can he? "And right now, I can't promise that things will get better."
Great StarClan I suck at this... He swallowed, not feeling like he was doing a very good job at this. Cheering cats up was more Strawberryfur's speed, he was the blunt, honest one. He couldn't bring himself to lie to Halfpaw just for the sake of making him feel better. Taking a breath, he decided to continue on anyway. Already started, can't stop now. "But, that said, I can tell you that if you put the work in, things will change." He leaned forward to try and catch the apprentice's gaze. "If cats like you and me keep working hard, and show our clanmates who we are and what's in our hearts, at the very least we will know that we've done our best. That's all any good warrior can do. And maybe, they'll start to see it too." His tilted his ears towards the clearing as he said the last sentence, indicating he was referring to their clanmates.
"I can also tell you that if you continue to believe that you're a disappointment, that's all you're ever be." He couldn't believe he said something so...mushy with a straight face. But even a cat like Sunnystreak knew the power of one's own belief. He wasn't going to go into the whole believe in yourself nonsense that Strawberryfur loved so much, he knew there was truth to those words. He hoped that Halfpaw could see he was speaking from the heart here, and not how uncomfortable it was to do so.
He cleared his throat and wrapped his tail around his paws. "Um...so yeah... What you do next is whatever the next step is that you can do." He meowed, straightening his back as he looked upon Halfpaw. "One pawstep at a time. All you can do is keep moving forward, and hope that you're making the right choices for yourself." He meowed.
Nevermind your parents," he waved his tail in the air briefly as he said this before wrapping it around his paws again, "they made their choice. And now it's your turn. Now you have to keep making your choices." He felt like he was talking partly to himself as he spoke to Halfpaw, and he hoped what he was saying made some sort of...sense to the apprentice. Even though their journey and their lives were different, Sunnystreak related to this struggle.
There was more he felt like he wanted to say about it, but he felt like he had talked enough. He cleared his throat again and licked his chest, feeling flustered. He was still a young warrior himself, what right did he have to offer guidance to Halfpaw? Oh well...he can take it or leave it I guess. But he kinda hoped Halfpaw would take his words seriously and that he had helped the young cat. Was this what it was like to have an apprentice of your own?
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Luminous
Halfpaw had to admit that, at least a little bit, Sunnystreak's words had reached his heart and he was starting to feel a little more confident about himself. However, it was just one cat thinking this way against dozens of others. He didn't know if he could still withstand others' suspicious gazes. They all seeped untrustworthiness, and during those times he couldn't do anything other than lowering his gaze and walk clumsily away from their eyes.
He wished Hawkcatcher was here.
That warrior was the only cat who had welcomed him warmly without prejudices, and he had believed in him even when he didn't. After that dreadful accident... No, he didn't want to think about that now. It was already too much.
"Thank you, Sunnystreak... I appreciate your words." He replied awkwardly, gazing at his paws with a dubious face.
"What.. what should I do to prove myself more? I can't fight in battles because I'm weak, and I'm not doing any patrol for the same reason... but I know there's a way for me to fit in and be a real warrior."
I just... have to find it.