[sleepyyjax]

Seapaw
he/they - 7 moons - Go with the flow
content: references to childhood trauma via RiverClan raid

Seapaw crept round the back of the crowd. An open forum? What could this be about? Maybe the weird argument about Duskleaf? Would... The problem with Dusklion be mentioned again? It was hard, but they needed to know what happened, more than anything. Were the other clans brutes? Or did RiverClan... Did RiverClan start this whole affair? Why did he and his sister have to spend their kithood tucked away in the mountains, terrified of fox hearts on their tails? Why did their mother have to get lost in said mountains, left alone in uncharted territory? He was here for answers, and answers he would get.

Tinytoad was here. Though nothing she said seemed new. Seapaw had never considered that the mountains were a bad idea - that there could have been elsewhere to hide. Maybe somewhere safer, somewhere with soft rivers, so he could have learnt to swim? Seapaw gazed at the ground beneath him, lamenting a little on the missed experience. No matter - they could swim now, right? That's what counted. Then Flowerhunter, was it? Spoke up. The tom was scarred, like he'd seen many a battle. It gave Seapaw faith in his opinion. Still, his opinion shocked them to their core. He thought... Fadingstar should step down? Fadingstar, the only leader he'd ever known. He'd always assumed his efforts were for good, he'd had faith in this leader. After all, a leader earns their rank, right? Dusklion was referenced as getting things done. That was nice to hear. After the last meeting, they'd begun to fear that... Maybe the clan hated this deputy. Maybe they blamed her for... Well, everything that's been happening, his whole life. He didn't know. The last he'd seen, was her running away. But, she was here today. Could they have faith in her? Could that clan have faith in her?

Fishpaw spoke up. She was kind to him, but... Seapaw was beggining to realise, they were only apprentices. They'd missed something, or many things. There were things they didn't know about. Things that no one would tell that, at least not easily. Oh, and Rainpaw was here. It was a relief to see a friendly face about. But for this meeting... He had to focus. He couldn't get lsot in chatter or daydreams this time, as hard as it was. The cause for all these horrible events was very slowly being revealed to him... Then, Dusklion, the cat he needed to know about, spoke. 'he had no part in that outside of perhaps... not smoothin' over tensions when needed' Okay, so Fadingstar didn't do anything, per se. So, it remained, through no fault of their leader - well, no huge fault - they were kicked out. Their young were killed, cats were injured, Seapaw's own mother went missing.

It was hard to stay attentive, to listen to all this. They really weren't used to it. Normally, during meetings, they'd catch the interesting bits, then just spend all of their time thinking about that, or daydreaming. They'd never had to listen to everything before, and it was a lot. Just when that seemed like all too much, Waterlily emerged from the elder's den. Surely, of all cats, hers was the opinion to trust? No... Leader lives? He wasn't even sure what that was! Leader were granted lives? Then... Fadingstar barely fought in the battle? But, he speaks of the other clans with such disdain. But, he wasn't even there to defend the clan? Well, Seapaw wouldn't want to fight if they were attacked now but... Seapaw didn't want to be leader. Seapaw never wanted to be leader. It was all bloodshed and diplomacy, and weird meetings where everyone got angry. And the dog fight... Seapaw hadn't seen that. He'd been sent home. But he trusted Waterlily's word more than anything. Had they ever spoke to each other? Nope. But she was old enough to see RiverClan through its past leader. She knew how things were meant to be.

More cats continued to speak up, there were calls for Fadingstar to step down. Claims that Fadingstar had cats... Slaughtered? Over threats? That sounded like something the other clans would do, not RiverClan, right? Fadingstar had been speaking of the other clans as if they were brutes, but things were starting to come together and... Was he just the same? Dusklion kept her position over a worse crime. A worse crime? It kept coming up. But, these cats supported Dusklion? It didn't make any sense to him.
Once again, Waterlily raised her voice. Stating that Dusklion made mistakes, yes, but she grew. It was a comfort to at least know that Dusklion made mistakes, that she wasn't... Evil.

Then, it finally erupted into the last thing he'd expect.

Leave.
And Fadingstar... Fadingsun, was gone. Just like that.

These cats had led the clan all his life. He thought... He thought they were meant to look after the clan. Had RiverClan caused the attack? After all this time, all this stirring, all this hatred, all this sadness, these missed opportunities, all this walking and walking and walking, never knowing where home was... After all this. It was as though his world were being torn apart. Lies, talking of other clans like such... He remembered Slugpaw... She was never a spy, was she? The other clans... They weren't actually brutes. But, Seapaw feared he would never trust them. Not properly, at least. The raid on RiverClan had left a permanent scar over his mind. He didn't remember the fight, no, but... Fighting scared him more than anything now, and it had to be because of that, right?

This perfect view, this idea that RiverClan, his clan was inherently good, shattered at his paws.
It had all been lies.
Pretty poetry.